Ironically, I just posted on my business facebook account last week a piece about "gentle parenting" and how it so often means "no parenting" instead. I had experienced an unfortunate incident a few weeks ago whereby I witnessed firsthand a "no parenting" situation at a local area restaurant. Kids were screaming and running throughout the restaurant as if it was their own backyard. I presumed the parent(s) were sitting outside, as nobody inside the restaurant who I saw appeared to be under 50 years old. Had one of those kids tripped and fell or otherwise hurt themselves...there didn't seem to be anyone nearby to claim them.
Enter the "Emilie Kiser" story. I don't want to bore you with too many details, but suffice it to say that "dad" Brady was in charge of watching their 3-1/2 year old son and his newborn sibling. Mom was somewhere else either in the house or off the property. Dad was outside to "babysit". Big pool in backyard. No pool fence. Dad (allegedly!) got busy placing a $25 bet online. Eyes off the 3-1/2 year old for no more than a few minutes. Son somehow trips over an inflatable pool toy and ends up in the water. Son drowns. By the way, each year, an average of 2,000 children in this country between the ages of 1 and 4 die as a result of home-based "accidents". That's 2000 too many in my own professional opinion....
And now, close to a month later after this horrific tragedy of a young boy...."Emilie Kiser deletes Brady." Whatever that means. She's a social media "mom" influencer and has been for less than a handful of years. There's a great irony in this as well, but we won't go there in today's post. The "tea" regarding Brady Kiser online (Reddit!) is that she was the major breadwinner and always has been....and that he didn't bring much to their marital union to begin with. Whatever he, she, or they were or are as a couple, I do believe that losing their eldest child in such a freakish way might motivate them to change their parenting style for their surviving child's sake from here on out.
You know, this "gentle parenting" crap is just that. It is an excuse for letting kids go and watch what happens live. Call it "no parenting" as I did...but physical neglect is what it actually is don't get it twisted. I remember a couple I saw years ago whose husband thought it perfectly acceptable to let his three year old son walk through a busy parking lot without holding the child's hand. Mom went apoplectic just recounting the most recent incident to me in therapy at that time. When I asked the husband why he thought it was o.k. to let his toddler walk untethered through a parking lot with cars pulling in and out, his response to me was "He knows about cars." Really? He may know how to play with toy cars and be fascinated by real cars, but believe me---no three year old on the planet understands busy parking lots and cars that move quickly and unexpectedly. In the end, dad finally got the memo about a toddler's brain actually being a toddler's brain and NOT that of a much older human who understands how to "watch out" while navigating their way through a...busy parking lot! Sheesh!
Yet, why am I surprised? I've seen parents treat their babies and toddlers AS IF they are much older children all throughout my 22 years of practice. Again, all a logic used to excuse themselves from actively parenting and supervising their child(ren). When I myself was going to Kindergarten and 1st grade, nobody "walked" me to school and back. I walked myself. And it wasn't like the school was on my corner. It was down my street, around the corner, up at least a 1/4 mile to the busy intersection with 4 lanes of traffic, then another 1/4 mile (or more!) up to the actual school. Yes, we had a "safety lady" at that busy intersection, but that would mean walking another couple of blocks to the east to get to her. Even as a little girl I knew I'd rather just run across those four lanes of traffic than have to go where "Betty" was on patrol. I thank God everyday I didn't get run over. God had bigger plans for me than to end up as road kill....
So this gentle/no parenting thing has been around for generations....not just the most recent ones. Instead of continuing with this trend (for all you young parents out there!), how about paying more attention to your babies, toddlers, and young children on a more consistent basis? I know Brady and Emilie Kiser wishes they would have done that "now"...but it's too late.
Until next post....