About to Snap....

When was the last time someone unexpectedly snapped at you for no good reason?  Was that person a stranger?  A friend?  Co-worker?  Your partner?  Son or daughter?  This "snapping" thing, by the way, can be a symptom of bipolar mania...not just someone having a bad day.  Depending on the person and how often they experience these "about to snap" moments, hair-trigger irritability is, indeed, one of the signs of a possible mood disorder and bipolar disorder with mania (or mixed episodes) in particular.

"Snapping" as a result of an undiagnosed and/or untreated mood disorder requires no "real life event" to trigger one's angry feelings/behavior.  If a person wakes up highly irritated...or was fine until 3:00PM and then began to feel angrier and angrier "out of nowhere"---this is how a mood disorder involving mania or manic episodes roll.  There is nothing that is "happening" to explain a person's feelings in this regard.  Feeling pi**ed off, angry, irritated, and restless (in a bad way) just comes when it comes---and goes when it goes.

With personality disorders, being irritated or snapping occurs because of some "bad" event that has taken place beforehand.  A person might wake up and because it is raining outside, that's enough of a "bad" event to trigger one's disappointment and subsequent irritability and angry feelings.  For someone else, the rain isn't the problem..it's finding out that the dog vomited on the carpet which does it.  Real life events that are perceived as "bad" represent the biggest triggers for someone who struggles with a personality disorder.  Along with this, there are those individuals who are triggered by "imagined" bad events (haven't happened yet!) which lead to their own angry feelings and irritability.  The kid who doesn't want to go with his parents to the lake this weekend because it is "boring";  the employee who has to give a presentation at 7:00AM tomorrow morning to the executive board.  The business owner who is flipping out because his business is "down" this quarter;  all of these are examples of imagined "what if" scenarios than can quickly move a person from being "o.k." to being and feeling highly irritated and angry.

So...what is someone supposed to do if they recognize themselves as a result of reading this post?  I would encourage you to keep a "mood chart" for one month just to see what pattern(s) are present when it comes to your own irritability and angry moments.  Being and becoming more self-aware of your irritable feelings and anger when they pop up is not a bad thing.  The mood chart is merely a means of tracking "when" they pop up over the course of a 24 hour period.  Those tiny spiral-bound notebooks at the drugstore are a perfect "tool" to use in recording such mood changes.  An example of a series of entries for "DAY ONE" may look something like this:

6:00AM:  Never anything to eat for breakfast around here;  what does my wife do all day?
7:30AM:  Driving in rush hour and very upset.  Thinking about nothing but how much I hate rush hour!
10:30AM:  Sister called and wants me to go over there after work.  I'm pi**ed off.
3:30PM:  Went for a "poof" with my buddy from work.  Had a couple beers.  Noise on t.v. set bothered me; too loud!
5:30PM:  Whoops I forgot I was supposed to go to my sister's house;  feel good though!
6:30PM:  I went into son's room and about blew a cork.  Such a pig pen in there!  He's a slob!
11:00PM:  Going to bed now;  feel fine.  No other angry or irritated incidents I can think of since this morning to report...

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There are mood chart templates online (free) that a person may use to track his or her irritable and angry feelings if the mini notebook isn't preferred.

Another example of one's Mood Chart may include entries like these:

DAY FIVE

10:00AM:  I've been irritable all morning since I woke up.  I can't figure out why.  I have been more tired lately and haven't gotten much sleep this past week.  Maybe that's it?

12:30PM:  I feel much better now.  Am going to go out and run some errands.

4:00PM:  I wonder if I have low blood sugar or something?  I feel like I want to rip someone's head off! 

6:30PM:  Husband announces after coming home that we are invited to a party this Saturday.  Whoop dee doo.  All of these last minute social invites irritate me for sure.

12:30AM:  Goodnite.  Now I can't sleep.  Fabulous.  Wide awake and like my body's being run by a motor.  Ugh!

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Too many of us don't want to notice or acknowledge our own or another's "about to snap" behaviors.  After all, there is no fun associated with being irritable or angry!  By being willing to initially explore what's going on, when, and under what circumstances can be extremely helpful in empowering us to get and do better.

Next time, we'll talk more about what works (and what doesn't!) in managing "about to snap" moments...

 

Settling Down....

When I was a kid, I must have heard this line a thousand times during my elementary school years:  "Mary, settle down!"  Back then, that meant to stop doing all the things I would do to distract myself from feeling and being bored.  Making cootie catchers was one of my favorite past times.  Basically a paper fortune teller, I came up with the "fortunes"...and whomever was playing it with me would choose a series of numbers and/or colors before their particular "fortune" was revealed.  Of course, me being me, the fortunes I wrote back then for the boys were much less gracious than those for the girls:  "Nobody likes you and you will die soon."  I always tried to make sure my classroom bully got that one if he played....

Of course, as the years went by and I still had difficulty "settling down" in class, not much was done to resolve my issues both inside or outside of the classroom.  In my own personal opinion, changing households might have done the trick---but that wasn't happening anytime soon.

As I got older and finally left my parental home for good, I remember the various people I met during those key years between 18 and 21 when I was so much more "free" to do whatever I wanted and with whomever I wanted any time of the day or night.  I can recall one mutual friend of I and my roommate who called us at 2:30AM one evening to announce she was at the donut shop across the road and did we want her to come over and vacuum our carpeting.  We declined the offer, and I still don't know to this day why "T" felt the need to vacuum our carpeting at 2:30AM on a random weekday evening.  (I will have to ask her on Facebook after I finish this post!)  Yet for all the "non-settling down" activities I pursued during those years....I do remember enjoying random weekend days (or nights!) when I could just sit and look out our front window quietly----or walk around the park right next to our place without saying a word to anyone.  I do believe this was the beginning of me learning how to "settle down" and practice just "being" alone----and being quiet---and feeling perfectly o.k. with the whole experience.

Settling down is not something we necessarily think about consciously when the world is so generally loud.  I have a plaque over our fireplace at home which states the obvious:  "Make time for the quiet moments as God whispers and the world is loud."  Yet far too many of us don't take, won't take, can't take, or are afraid to make time for the quiet moments in our lives.  If we don't practice making that time to be still and just "be"...how are we going to be able to eventually learn how to calm ourselves, self-soothe, and/or relax?  We won't.  We will instead fall into the trap that so many of us do;  we turn to a drink or a joint or a piece of cake or a pill in order to "slow down" quickly and on demand.

Settling down and practicing "calm" opens us up to many positive outcomes.  First and foremost among these is the fact that we can literally lower our own blood pressure by doing so.  When we practice being quiet and more calm, our breathing literally slows down;  when it slows to eight or fewer times per minute---there is no way we can breathe at that rate and still be anxious or panicky. There are different methods one can try to slow their breathing;  I prefer square breathing and often use it with clients who struggle with anxiety and panic disorder. 

Besides the physiolgical benefits of "settling down" and relaxing oneself on demand, it allows us to pay better attention to the "good" that surrounds us and that we so often miss.  When is the last time you really looked at a spring lilac and inhaled its natural perfume deeply?  What are the flowers that are in bloom right now around your place of residence?  Can you hear the birds singing outside your window?  Do you smell that bread baking in your oven right now?  Without cultivating the ability to literally "stop and smell the roses"---or just "stop" and be present in the present moment....we do miss out on so much that is ultimately good for us.

Settling down also helps us to listen more effectively and pay better attention to one another.  Have you ever tried to give directions to someone who is highly anxious?  Forget it.  That's like trying to catch the wind with one's hand.  It just isn't going to happen.  When a person has their mind on "other things" besides the here and now of the present moment---how can we expect them to not only hear us, but truly listen and retain what we have said?  It's pretty much impossible.  What often happens instead is that the unsettled person will "think" they heard this or that which was in their own mind---rather than what actually came out of the speaker's mouth.  In this way, being able to calm, self-soothe, relax, and settle ourselves down opens the door to better communication AND understanding between ourselves and others.

Getting enough sleep every night, engaging in regular exercise, eating healthy, avoiding substances that naturally stimulate and/or artifically stimulate and/or slow down our central nervous system---these are also things we can do to practice settling down on a daily basis.

I have a plaque in my office which states the following:  "Peace:  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."  This is the ultimate goal of being able to master the practice of settling down.  No matter where we are or what is going on, we can still be "calm" inside ourselves and experience true peace.

Until we meet again....