M. Scott Peck once wrote "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." When I first read that, I had no clue what he meant. Pain is going to happen no matter what I do to try and prevent it or control it...but suffering as a result of any pain I experience is a choice? Really?! How does that work? Doesn't one kinda go with the other like a hand and its fingers? As you can see, I really didn't have a clue as to what he meant.
But now I do. About 25 years later I do that is. How come it took me so long? Because not unlike so many of you reading this blog at this moment, I never thought of my "suffering" as something I had control over. I thought it just happened and there was not a damn thing I could do about it one way or the other. Like how to you "stop" crying once you start? How do you "stop" feeling like you are going to die if you do (feel that way)? How do you stop listening to that still small voice inside your head that implores you: "Go ahead, what ELSE are you going to do that works this well?"
Suffering with a twist is the topic of my blog today. You see, suffering isn't always something that happens "to" you. Many times, suffering is like a old familiar face that we don't necessarily like or want to see, but have grown very used to. You know, that whole thing about the hell you know being better than the hell you don't know. It's like that. Suffering occurs many times because of what we, ourselves, CHOOSE to do without thinking twice about it.
For example, if I choose to pull an all nighter because I'm in college and my PAPERISDUEINTHEMORNINGFORGOD'SSAKE!........does anyone NOT think I will have some "suffering" coming down the pike to accompany this choice of mine? (A) I will be tired that next morning, (B) I will be more irritable than normal because that's what a lack of sleep does to a person anyway, (C) I will tend to make more "mistakes" than normal because that's also what a lack of sleep does to a person anyway...and on and on I can go. Of course I can rationalize my choice about "why" I had to stay up all night in order to finish my paper---but in the end, my choice has a consequence. Good, bad, or otherwise. Every choice has a consequence. Good, bad, or otherwise. And often when the consequence is "negative" in nature, it leads to some form or another of "suffering".
I have met people many times in my life who, after a while, sound like one big circular argument in justifying their courtship with suffering. "But I love him...and even though he hits me...and even though he drives when he's drunk and our kids are in the car with him...I could never abandon him (Really? Please refer to past post on topic of "Fear of Abandonment"!)...so I guess I will just have to plan for hospitalization #36 when he breaks my nose the next time...but I love him....and even though he hits me..." See what I mean? It's like a circle that never ends...along with the suffering!
In the end, we ALL have control over the choices we make. If you CHOOSE to treat your suffering like a comfortable familiar straight jacket...that IS your choice. Not mine. Not anyone else's. But yours. Yet if you choose to treat your suffering for what it is (a consequence associated with certain realities that you may or may not be consciously aware of) and as a challenge to be overcome with time, practice, and self-patience...you WILL eventually set yourself free (or free enough at least!) from the bondage and cycle of suffering.
Do something nice for yourself this year and learn what it takes to get off the rollercoaster of literal and figurative suffering. You can do it. I have faith in you...and in the process to help you accomplish it!
