What's the earliest experience you can recall with someone basically telling you: "Don't rock the boat!"
Can you remember? If you don't, how about your earliest memory of it being made very clear to you to keep your mouth shut about ***** or there will be hell to pay? Whether that hell to pay came from your own hide or not, you learned to keep your mouth shut/don't rock the boat/just pretend this never happened (etc. etc. etc.) so you wouldn't experience even MORE pain...
Examples? I got a million:
"My mom would never tell me who my father was. She would go ballistic if I asked her anything about "my" dad. On her death bed, she still wouldn't give it up. Turns out after she passed, I realized I had been asking the wrong person all along! I randomly asked my aunt one day, and she gave me his name and how he was now deceased also; she saved me another 10 years of trying to solve this mystery on my own! Man, did my mother have me well trained about not rocking the boat on "that" subject!"
"My brother abused me since I was about eight years old. And then he had to go and die in a car wreck last year. He always threatened me as a kid about telling our parents. He said I would end up being kicked out of our house if I told and my parents would hate me. And now he's dead, my parents hate me anyway, and all I want to do is get high."
"My father told me that his dad was in college when I was growing up. Whenever I'd ask about my grandpa, I'd get yelled at. Turns out he was a murderer and was doing life in Jackson prison ever since I was a toddler. Just before my father died, I told him that I found out about grandpa and it was o.k. What did he do? He went off on ME! Like it was my fault his father killed someone?!? Who does that to their own kid?"
Today's post is about how so many of us still actively work to "Don't rock the boat!' when there is no more boat to concern yourself with rocking! That original boat of toxic fear, shame, guilt, ambivalence, and self-or-other-directed contempt sailed a long time ago, along with all those experiences from your own complicated childhood/teen years/young adulthood.
Now, as an adult, you no longer have to worry about what anyone from your past might say to you in order to control and manipulate your thoughts, feelings, and associated behaviors. Whatever boat came along back then to anger you, confuse you, or scare you---that boat is NOT coming back again! Your own days of "Don't rock the boat!' from your past are truly over! This is the good news.
Here's the bad news: when you are "triggered" by scenarios in your present life which remind you of any boat(s) from your past---you have to be mindful of "What's the lesson for me here?" about that incoming boat! Rather than flipping yourself out over any present-day triggers...you need to focus your mind on the lesson(s) to be learned from those triggers! Life is truly a series of blessings...and of lessons. I know that in my own life, when I am triggered "now" by some person, place, or thing, I immediately shift my mind's focus from "OMG WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THAT NOW!?" to "Oh! What is the lesson here for me now?" Believe me, it helps!
For example, the woman whose mother wouldn't tell her who her biological father was. This same woman, after finding out "who" he was from her aunt---she had presumed this "mystery" about her parentage was finally solved. Nope...not really. There were more lessons there for her to uncover.
She went on with her life believing everything was all good enough, until she saw a man on the street one day with a little girl that reminded her of herself as a young child around that same age. Suddenly, this woman found herself becoming extremely agitated and upset for no apparent reason. Instead of ruining her own day by remaining worked up---she decided to call her maternal grandma, who was still alive. After grandma picked up the phone, this woman found herself asking out of nowhere, "Grandma, was your family already related to my dad when mom got pregnant with me?" (Funny how that works!) Without realizing it, this woman allowed herself to think beyond "who" her biological father was---and instead on the issue of "why" his identity was such a huge secret for all of her life (until AFTER her own mother was dead)! Sure enough, grandma responded by saying, "Well, yes honey he was Uncle Frankie's son from his first marriage." Bingo! Now the mystery was truly solved: this woman's mom and biological dad were first cousins. Everything made even better sense. Yet what a journey over a "secret" that had nothing to do with this woman herself...but everything to do with her mother's shame over becoming pregnant by her own first cousin! Yikes!
That's how it can be. In our effort to not "rock the boat" from our past---we prevent ourselves from finding out important truths about how that boat came into existence in the first place! Just today, I read that the actor Denise Richards feels she "shielded" her daughters from the actor Charlie Sheen's "wild life" as their biological father. Ya think? LOL! Listen, the lessons that carry the truth of any given situation are always present---no matter how far back into the past they go! The truth doesn't just disappear because one or more parties prefer it---or work extremely hard to hide it! The truth is the truth, regardless of how difficult, complex,, or scandalous it may appear to be!
Not rocking the boat is a fool's game. It teaches us to submit ourselves to someone else's demands, which are rarely good for us in the long run. The truth is NOT our enemy! It never has been. What is bad for us is believing the lies, omissions, half truths, and twisted realities that others attempt to impose on us while we are here. Without the truth being present, we are vulnerable to becoming the type of person we thought we'd never become...and not in a good way! Do you want to be better...or do you want to be bitter about "whatever" experiences from your past that have essential parts of the truth missing from it?! Stop the crazy. Live in the truth, find out the truth, and be grateful for it!
Until next post...
Can you remember? If you don't, how about your earliest memory of it being made very clear to you to keep your mouth shut about ***** or there will be hell to pay? Whether that hell to pay came from your own hide or not, you learned to keep your mouth shut/don't rock the boat/just pretend this never happened (etc. etc. etc.) so you wouldn't experience even MORE pain...
Examples? I got a million:
"My mom would never tell me who my father was. She would go ballistic if I asked her anything about "my" dad. On her death bed, she still wouldn't give it up. Turns out after she passed, I realized I had been asking the wrong person all along! I randomly asked my aunt one day, and she gave me his name and how he was now deceased also; she saved me another 10 years of trying to solve this mystery on my own! Man, did my mother have me well trained about not rocking the boat on "that" subject!"
"My brother abused me since I was about eight years old. And then he had to go and die in a car wreck last year. He always threatened me as a kid about telling our parents. He said I would end up being kicked out of our house if I told and my parents would hate me. And now he's dead, my parents hate me anyway, and all I want to do is get high."
"My father told me that his dad was in college when I was growing up. Whenever I'd ask about my grandpa, I'd get yelled at. Turns out he was a murderer and was doing life in Jackson prison ever since I was a toddler. Just before my father died, I told him that I found out about grandpa and it was o.k. What did he do? He went off on ME! Like it was my fault his father killed someone?!? Who does that to their own kid?"
Today's post is about how so many of us still actively work to "Don't rock the boat!' when there is no more boat to concern yourself with rocking! That original boat of toxic fear, shame, guilt, ambivalence, and self-or-other-directed contempt sailed a long time ago, along with all those experiences from your own complicated childhood/teen years/young adulthood.
Now, as an adult, you no longer have to worry about what anyone from your past might say to you in order to control and manipulate your thoughts, feelings, and associated behaviors. Whatever boat came along back then to anger you, confuse you, or scare you---that boat is NOT coming back again! Your own days of "Don't rock the boat!' from your past are truly over! This is the good news.
Here's the bad news: when you are "triggered" by scenarios in your present life which remind you of any boat(s) from your past---you have to be mindful of "What's the lesson for me here?" about that incoming boat! Rather than flipping yourself out over any present-day triggers...you need to focus your mind on the lesson(s) to be learned from those triggers! Life is truly a series of blessings...and of lessons. I know that in my own life, when I am triggered "now" by some person, place, or thing, I immediately shift my mind's focus from "OMG WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THAT NOW!?" to "Oh! What is the lesson here for me now?" Believe me, it helps!
For example, the woman whose mother wouldn't tell her who her biological father was. This same woman, after finding out "who" he was from her aunt---she had presumed this "mystery" about her parentage was finally solved. Nope...not really. There were more lessons there for her to uncover.
She went on with her life believing everything was all good enough, until she saw a man on the street one day with a little girl that reminded her of herself as a young child around that same age. Suddenly, this woman found herself becoming extremely agitated and upset for no apparent reason. Instead of ruining her own day by remaining worked up---she decided to call her maternal grandma, who was still alive. After grandma picked up the phone, this woman found herself asking out of nowhere, "Grandma, was your family already related to my dad when mom got pregnant with me?" (Funny how that works!) Without realizing it, this woman allowed herself to think beyond "who" her biological father was---and instead on the issue of "why" his identity was such a huge secret for all of her life (until AFTER her own mother was dead)! Sure enough, grandma responded by saying, "Well, yes honey he was Uncle Frankie's son from his first marriage." Bingo! Now the mystery was truly solved: this woman's mom and biological dad were first cousins. Everything made even better sense. Yet what a journey over a "secret" that had nothing to do with this woman herself...but everything to do with her mother's shame over becoming pregnant by her own first cousin! Yikes!
That's how it can be. In our effort to not "rock the boat" from our past---we prevent ourselves from finding out important truths about how that boat came into existence in the first place! Just today, I read that the actor Denise Richards feels she "shielded" her daughters from the actor Charlie Sheen's "wild life" as their biological father. Ya think? LOL! Listen, the lessons that carry the truth of any given situation are always present---no matter how far back into the past they go! The truth doesn't just disappear because one or more parties prefer it---or work extremely hard to hide it! The truth is the truth, regardless of how difficult, complex,, or scandalous it may appear to be!
Not rocking the boat is a fool's game. It teaches us to submit ourselves to someone else's demands, which are rarely good for us in the long run. The truth is NOT our enemy! It never has been. What is bad for us is believing the lies, omissions, half truths, and twisted realities that others attempt to impose on us while we are here. Without the truth being present, we are vulnerable to becoming the type of person we thought we'd never become...and not in a good way! Do you want to be better...or do you want to be bitter about "whatever" experiences from your past that have essential parts of the truth missing from it?! Stop the crazy. Live in the truth, find out the truth, and be grateful for it!
Until next post...