I know. I know. I'm getting it every time I have zoomed with a client in recent days. "I can't stand this isolation." "When is this damn virus going to be over?" "Forget it! We've stopped socially distancing within our family!" "When can I go back to work where I used to work?!"
Remember in a recent post when I referred to this current pandemic as one heck of a FFT? ("F"ing First Time!) We can all thank author Brene Brown for coining that term! Well, FFTs mean that nobody really knows exactly "what" to do to make ANY first-time catastrophic and unwanted event/process seamless enough from start to finish! There is no doubt that this virus will eventually "end"; how long it takes is anybody's guess. Current estimates suggest 70% of the U.S. population will have been infected before we acquire herd immunity. I, myself, will be PPE'ing up and social distancing indefinitely. I won't repeat what I've already written regarding that in past posts. I just watched a program last night about the Black Death of the 14th century...and how DNA analysis on the teeth of victims showed the this particular plague from nearly 700 years ago was pneumonic in nature, just like COVID-19. Spread through the air via coughing and sneezing; some things just don't change no matter how many hundreds of years have passed. I know we like to think we understand the who, what, where, when, how, and why of most anything 99.999% of the time. In this case, it might take another 700 years before we truly understand how the current virus was much the same (or different!) from any other plague that has marked mankind throughout the ages.
So what are we supposed to do in the meantime? How do we develop and practice emotional resilience when we've been taken to the brink by something our present generations never saw coming?
For those of us who struggle with chronic anxiety and/or obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and/or specific phobias such as to do with germs, insects, and/or other forms of contamination---where we are now represents the literal "worst of times". The comedian Bill Maher recently posted a video about how the pandemic and OCD tie together. I suggest anyone who is interested to watch it. I never liked Maher historically speaking; I felt he was a big blowhard who took way too many potshots at people of faith throughout his comedic career. However, between getting older (now) and taping this video from his own home---he was actually quite thoughtful without being highly offensive. He makes many good points about the need for developing the now-often-discussed "herd immunity", while keeping our own heads in reality rather than in our own catastrophic fictional scenarios. This, by the way, is NOT easy to do without proper "assistance" that may take the form of teletherapy, a new daily "routine" to stick with for mind/body/spirit wellness, and/or the proper psychotropic medication (NON-addictive!) if determined necessary. After all, it's one thing to be anxious and/or OCD...it's quite another when you become so afraid of your own thoughts---you "respond" to them before you respond to the actual and real-life reality that is going on around you! And that's the bottom line when it comes to catastrophic and obsessive thinking: when you find yourself reacting to your "own" version of reality before you even notice the real-life and right-now reality that is surrounding you in any given moment---it IS time to get help and assistance from appropriate qualified sources "stat"!
This leads me to my next point: we don't typically "notice" when we respond to someone or some thing in our daily lives in a way which has very little to do with real-life and right-now reality---but EVERYTHING to do with the frightening thoughts within our own minds! For example, let's say you call me. I answer the phone. You immediately ask me, "What's wrong?!" Huh?!? Where'd that come from?! It comes from the chronically anxious person, that's where! And please don't say "Well, you sounded like something was wrong!" How can a person sound like something is wrong merely by saying "Hello." when answering their own phone?! No, that's not going to fly anymore. When we struggle with chronic anxiety, it does not follow that anyone we call on the phone is going to feel exactly the same as we ourselves do. Just a reminder. I can remember a pre-COVID-19 client years ago whose wife screamed at him as soon as he came home one night after work saying, "My mother is going to be here in 20 minutes and the vacuum cleaner is broken! FIX IT NOW!!!" Okay then! Anxiety much? Yes, anxiety way too much actually! To cut to the chase, when we "expect" the people we live with or hang out with to help "manage" our anxiety for us by doing whatever it is we want or expect them to say or do on demand---that's certainly a shi**y way to roll in case you haven't thought about it this way before!
Needless to say, you don't exist and I don't exist just to make sure that the next person we speak to is having a "good" or "better" day as a result of their own personal encounter with us. You may be an encourager by nature, but don't be a dummy also. It is not your job to lose yourself in the mire of someone else's anxious mind or thoughts because he or she doesn't know how to free themselves from them. In this time of COVID-19, please don't slip into the codependent and toxic trap of feeling over-responsible for some other adult's inability to think straight and/or logically in your shared "present" moments together!
Now stop and re-read that last paragraph about 20 times if you need to. It might actually inspire you to check yourself before you wreck yourself!
Just the other day, I heard of an extended family who just decided to stop social distancing. I understand a choice like that, but not at the expense of those vulnerable members of that same family who have no say (such as the babies, minor children, and elderly family members). I can only pray nobody in that family gets sick or worse; it's one thing to "Do it 'cause it feels good!"---it's another to do it and someone else is severely and negatively affected in its aftermath.
When the Public Health Act was being drafted by our federal government back during the time of cholera (so as to flatten its curve!)...its protesters said that they would rather "take our chances" of becoming sick than to "be bulled by the Public Health Act". Wow. Okay then! There you go.
Some things never change, no matter what the plague or pandemic happens to be. We all get to choose how we cope each in our own way. I hope you will cope in a way that doesn't harm you...or those around you. That's all. And if you need help, teletherapy is available through most licensed psychotherapists throughout this great country of ours. Go to www.psychologytoday.com and type in your zip code under the "Find A Therapist" icon. You will then have access to all the licensed clinicians in your local area, with photos and detailed descriptions included. Most of us are offering teletherapy to clients be it through online video chat or phone sessions.
Stay strong, safe, and healthy. We truly are in this together.
Until next post...
For those of us who struggle with chronic anxiety and/or obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and/or specific phobias such as to do with germs, insects, and/or other forms of contamination---where we are now represents the literal "worst of times". The comedian Bill Maher recently posted a video about how the pandemic and OCD tie together. I suggest anyone who is interested to watch it. I never liked Maher historically speaking; I felt he was a big blowhard who took way too many potshots at people of faith throughout his comedic career. However, between getting older (now) and taping this video from his own home---he was actually quite thoughtful without being highly offensive. He makes many good points about the need for developing the now-often-discussed "herd immunity", while keeping our own heads in reality rather than in our own catastrophic fictional scenarios. This, by the way, is NOT easy to do without proper "assistance" that may take the form of teletherapy, a new daily "routine" to stick with for mind/body/spirit wellness, and/or the proper psychotropic medication (NON-addictive!) if determined necessary. After all, it's one thing to be anxious and/or OCD...it's quite another when you become so afraid of your own thoughts---you "respond" to them before you respond to the actual and real-life reality that is going on around you! And that's the bottom line when it comes to catastrophic and obsessive thinking: when you find yourself reacting to your "own" version of reality before you even notice the real-life and right-now reality that is surrounding you in any given moment---it IS time to get help and assistance from appropriate qualified sources "stat"!
This leads me to my next point: we don't typically "notice" when we respond to someone or some thing in our daily lives in a way which has very little to do with real-life and right-now reality---but EVERYTHING to do with the frightening thoughts within our own minds! For example, let's say you call me. I answer the phone. You immediately ask me, "What's wrong?!" Huh?!? Where'd that come from?! It comes from the chronically anxious person, that's where! And please don't say "Well, you sounded like something was wrong!" How can a person sound like something is wrong merely by saying "Hello." when answering their own phone?! No, that's not going to fly anymore. When we struggle with chronic anxiety, it does not follow that anyone we call on the phone is going to feel exactly the same as we ourselves do. Just a reminder. I can remember a pre-COVID-19 client years ago whose wife screamed at him as soon as he came home one night after work saying, "My mother is going to be here in 20 minutes and the vacuum cleaner is broken! FIX IT NOW!!!" Okay then! Anxiety much? Yes, anxiety way too much actually! To cut to the chase, when we "expect" the people we live with or hang out with to help "manage" our anxiety for us by doing whatever it is we want or expect them to say or do on demand---that's certainly a shi**y way to roll in case you haven't thought about it this way before!
Needless to say, you don't exist and I don't exist just to make sure that the next person we speak to is having a "good" or "better" day as a result of their own personal encounter with us. You may be an encourager by nature, but don't be a dummy also. It is not your job to lose yourself in the mire of someone else's anxious mind or thoughts because he or she doesn't know how to free themselves from them. In this time of COVID-19, please don't slip into the codependent and toxic trap of feeling over-responsible for some other adult's inability to think straight and/or logically in your shared "present" moments together!
Now stop and re-read that last paragraph about 20 times if you need to. It might actually inspire you to check yourself before you wreck yourself!
Just the other day, I heard of an extended family who just decided to stop social distancing. I understand a choice like that, but not at the expense of those vulnerable members of that same family who have no say (such as the babies, minor children, and elderly family members). I can only pray nobody in that family gets sick or worse; it's one thing to "Do it 'cause it feels good!"---it's another to do it and someone else is severely and negatively affected in its aftermath.
When the Public Health Act was being drafted by our federal government back during the time of cholera (so as to flatten its curve!)...its protesters said that they would rather "take our chances" of becoming sick than to "be bulled by the Public Health Act". Wow. Okay then! There you go.
Some things never change, no matter what the plague or pandemic happens to be. We all get to choose how we cope each in our own way. I hope you will cope in a way that doesn't harm you...or those around you. That's all. And if you need help, teletherapy is available through most licensed psychotherapists throughout this great country of ours. Go to www.psychologytoday.com and type in your zip code under the "Find A Therapist" icon. You will then have access to all the licensed clinicians in your local area, with photos and detailed descriptions included. Most of us are offering teletherapy to clients be it through online video chat or phone sessions.
Stay strong, safe, and healthy. We truly are in this together.
Until next post...