When we get triggered in a negative way by something we see, hear, smell, taste, touch, and/or feel instantly angry, scared, or confused about when we experience "it" (whatever "it" is!)...there's a lesson there waiting for us to notice.
Think about it. Some people will never ever be triggered in a negative way about lots of things: flying in an airplane...seeing spiders....feeling sick....hearing about a house fire....smelling something rancid....petting a German Shepherd....etc. etc. And yet, there are those who are being negatively triggered right now by just reading what I wrote here.
That's how it is when we are triggered in an unwanted and unwelcome manner by something or someone's actions that is happening right now---or just happened a few moments ago.
So, what's the lesson(s) when we get triggered like that?
One lesson that is obvious (at least to me!) is that we have to remain grounded and present as we experience each and every day of our lives in spite of whatever happened to us in our own messy and traumatic past history. If we don't, we will end up believing ourselves when we tell ourselves "I can't fly in planes!" "I don't do crowds!" "I can't leave my house!" "I can't live without my 7-Oh shot every day!" "I always end up being fired!" etc. etc.
It's not our life that overwhelms us, it is our thoughts about our life that overwhelms us. Fact.
Negative triggers are our lessons.
For example...I get many blind inquiries for therapeutic assistance from people through a popular online source. This means that a prospective client of my practice will contact me via email. Which is fine. When things transition to contacting me via text (because I have provided him/her/them with the number to call/text me at)...I am more mindful of our interaction(s) because we have both taken the next steps towards working together....
The other day, a person contacted me via text about working together. Through our text chat, it became clear to me after a few interactions that this person was having a difficult time respecting my own boundaries to do with the way I do business. There were also some unsolicited comments directed at me which were, in fact, both rude and inappropriate. I suggested that the person find someone else to work with and, in turn, learned my lesson (once again!) about this "type" of prospective client. Regardless of the industry you may work in, if someone approaches you to do business with him/her/them---you do NOT have to do business with him/her/them if their "vibe" is rubbing you in a way wrong way. I wouldn't have cared if this individual had offered to pay me $1,000 a session; I'd still say "Good luck to you!" and refuse the opportunity to work together. Some of us believe otherwise...and this is how and why your own "negative triggers" can end you up in a big hot mess if you don't learn your lessons from them. Just saying...
Another obvious lesson is how we need to keep taking good-enough care of ourselves mind, body, and spirit when we feel ourselves caught up in the loop of looking-but-not-looking for negative triggers whenever we are out and about in the world we inhabit. This practice can be SO exhausting! Instead of trying to avoid this that and the other that we already know can and will trigger us, then perhaps it is time to explore our solutions-based options!
Examples: Noise sensitivity? Noise cancelling headphones, ear plugs, or earbuds turned on to your favorite podcaster/music/radio station. Light sensitive? Sunglasses, progressive lenses, a brimmed hat. Uncomfortable clothing and shoes? Companies already exist to serve the needs of tactile/fabric-challenged customers! In other words, whatever you believe you're "stuck" with having to manage alone and without outside help is just-not-true! I just ordered on Amazon a variety of "grounding tools" that help people who struggle with chronic fight-or-flight level anxiety on a daily basis. There are literally "ouchy" fidget spinners that a person can buy for less than $10 each which are extremely helpful when you need to ground yourself wherever you may be. At work, at school, at an event, in your own home, etc. Instead of picking at your cuticles, biting your nails, or doing whatever else to distract yourself away from feeling highly anxious---this type of fidget can work wonders. I also ordered Warhead super sour popping candy....individually wrapped alcohol swabs (the smell will get you back to "now" real quick!)...and some other items. There is always a solution to your triggers. You just have to be aware of what you can do/use to bring you back to here-and-now reality.
Emotionally speaking, many people struggle with the practice of saying what they mean, mean what they say, not say it mean, and say it on time to the person(s) who need to hear it.
As I mentioned in my last post, when you are instantly feeling angry, frightened, or confused by what someone just said or did in your presence---or to you directly---you have no other choice than to say what you need to say as described above. If you can't, don't, or won't, then there is no way in Heaven you can call yourself an "assertive" communicator. You are not.
So, why don't you go ahead and practice this?
Of course, the excuses are innumerable: "I hate conflict." "I don't want to hurt their feelings." "I don't want it to escalate." "I just clam up and freeze I don't know why."
Listen to me. When you say and do the right thing for yourself when this kind of situation arises, you WILL FEEL BETTER once you have assertively said what you needed to say in order to prevent him/her/them from throwing you under any busses.
And feeling better doesn't mean the kind of better that is temporary in nature; the feeling better I am speaking of has to do with feeling better about your own confidence in your ability to say what you mean, mean what you say, not say it mean, etc. By practicing assertive communication in all situations and circumstances, you let others know that you are unafraid to ask questions, ask for clarity, set the record straight, and identify any lies or half truths that are circulating about you--or someone else you love and care about.
And if you are in need of recalibrating your dopamine levels because of past drug and/or alcohol use and/or any process-based addictions you pursue (gambling, sex addiction, shopping, stealing, etc.)....doing what's "right" at all times is one way to boost the activation of your dopamine reserves "naturally". How about that?
Indeed negative triggers are our lessons that can move us forward in our own lives rather than remaining stuck. Think about that.
Until next post....
