"Once they're gone, that's it. Nobody comes back to chat or share anything with you in real life anymore..."
It's true. Death is the ultimate one-way trip where there's no return ticket involved. Depending on your own spiritual world view, death represents the end of everything, the beginning of something way better, or the beginning of something way worse. When we die, whatever we have chosen to leave behind is all our loved ones have to remember us by. In certain cultures, this "leaving behind" phenomenon is a huge deal. Why do you think buildings and benches and hospital wings and charitable foundations are established? No, I am not so jaded so as to believe that posthumas acts of benevolence such as these generally represent self-indulgent acts of malignant narcissism. Except for the dude who just tried having himself killed so his kid could get a $10 million life insurance payout. There are always exceptions lest us not forget....
Recently, I have had too many friends and clients who have faced or are now facing soul-wrenching family loss(es). One of my best friends just messaged me this morning a journal that her father left for her entitled "What Is My Father's Story?" He died earlier this week. She has been reading it as she has been crying and remembering her father, who I also knew and who was a wonderful man, husband, and dad. She screen shot and sent me his last words at the end of his book which said, "I'm sorry I couldn't stay healthy. Dad"
I told her that his book was the best gift, since she was always so busy working. He knew she wouldn't read it until he was gone. And that's o.k. Deep and profound grief stops us in our tracks. Her father's words are making clear for my friend exactly "who" her dad was from his own perspective---and what she meant to him as his only daughter. That is something she'd never be able to understand on her own. She knew him by being his only daughter; he knew himself and how he felt about her for much longer. I am grateful he knew to share what she may have forgotten or wouldn't remember about her dad both before and during their own "time" together as father and daughter. She and I both recognize that his book now represents a legacy more precious than gold...or buildings...or anything else he could have left behind.
What is your father's life story? Or your mother's? Or your grandmother or grandfather's life story? How about your own life story? For those of us who are finished raising our children...and who perhaps have grandchildren or great grandchildren...wouldn't this be a great time to start penning your own life story and the love you shared with one another before it is literally too late?
www.piccadillyinc.com was the source of my friend's dad's "book" that he completed for her and her brother. These prompt-driven journals are available everywhere for under $10.00. Target, Meijer, Burlington Coat Factory, and Walmart are just some of the retailers who stock them. With fall and winter fast approaching, I cannot think of another better time or way to share your own life's history or the history of now-deceased loved ones for the benefit of your "younger" family members!
If you are a writer by nature, you may not need a store-bought book to guide the re-telling of your own life story. Blank journals are also sold everywhere; you can also have a book created for you, using your text and photographs, through a variety of online sources for reasonable prices. Just google "Create my life story book" and take it from there.
I recently have been watching "After Life" on Netflix. Created by British comedian Randy Gervais, I was extremely surprised what a tremendous series it is, given the subject matter and Gervais' own reputation as a very angry and spiritually bankrupted human being. After Life is about a man named "Tony" (played by Gervais himself) who works at a schlep newspaper that features stories about completely ridiculous topics (like the man who, for a year, kept dropping his mail into a doggy poo box rather than a "real" public mailbox). Gervais' wife is already deceased as the series begins, with every episode showing a clip from video taken for Gervais' benefit before her own death occurs. Gervais' expression of every single emotion associated with deep and complex grief is beyond inspirational, encouraging, and motivational. I know it sounds oxymoronic to put it this way, but it's true. In this series, those video clips are used as the substitute for his character's wife having left him with a "book" to read.
We all need to write our own life story's book. We all need to perhaps consider penning our own loved one's "book" if they themselves are no longer here to write it. We all deserve to have what we need to remember about who we loved and were connected to while we were here...so we won't forget. ...and so they won't forget either.
Today's blog post is dedicated to Rebecca...Kathie...George...Steven...and Donna.
Until next post...