Them Braggerts Among Us...

Everybody knows and has had experiences with big time braggerts.  You know, the people who can't just listen to your good news without immediately interjecting their own "better news".  Many years ago I was in a salon getting my hair done.  Someone mentioned having just endured an annual gynecological exam.  Immediately, one of the male stylists piped up and said "I had a colonoscopy last week!"  This is what I'm talking about;  though I'm not sure a colonoscopy counts as "better" news! LOL!

This compulsion to "one up" anybody to whom we are talking to..or with...is literally maddening.  "I just tried Vietnamese food the other night and I loved it!"  "I am BUYING a Vietnamese restaurant next week!"  "I got a new car with a push button ignition!"  "I CREATED the push button ignition!"  You catch my drift.  People can't just say "Oh that's nice!" anymore and leave it at that.  Instead, they have to keep brag-brag-bragging like we're all in a flippin' race to the finish (of what...I do not know!)!

So, the eternal question becomes "What creates the braggert mentality?"  It's a very interesting question.  Here are my thoughts on that topic for your consideration...now!

1.  Braggerts are extremely insecure at their core.  They do not feel "acceptable" as they are.  Instead, braggerts feel that their personal worth and value comes from what they have..or what they do...or what they have done for someone else.  There is no inner "ok-ness" that they feel towards themselves for merely being (here).  Braggerts are like a shell without any insides.  Their insides are pretty much empty.

2.  Braggerts are narcissistic.  Bottom line.  We are all narcissistic to some degree, but braggerts take narcissism to another level because they really do believe that they can demand and/or obtain exactly what they are wanting or expecting fasterthanyoucanreadthis!  Hence, you tell a braggert your daughter just got engaged---and they respond by telling you all about their daughter's upcoming wedding until they exhaust themselves.  Braggerts rarely ask you any questions about your own good news.  Are you kidding?  That means you may get more air time than they do when  you are together! ;-)

3.  Braggerts are lonely people.  Think about this.  If braggerts really did get as much validation from others as they crave...maybe they wouldn't be on blast 24/7 about what they feel compelled to brag about on any given day (or night!).   Braggerts are truly addicted to their need to be validated by others for what they have accomplished, received, done, or are about to do!

4.  Braggerts are emotionally unavailable to others.  Braggerts can be martyr-ish, there is no doubt about it.  They can throw money at  you...or cast offs...or whatever else they choose to unload.  However, it does not follow that they will also LISTEN to you and offer genuine emotional support during your own time of need.  In actual fact, braggerts are often incapable of saying the right thing at the right time to the right person and in the right manner.  They are too focused on their own situation...and their own circumstances.  Don't be a silly rabbit and expect blood from this turnip!

5.  Braggerts are disconnected from people in general.  Braggerts don't know how to "be" authentically intimate on a spiritual, emotional, and/or sometimes physical level with anyone.  If they are sexually connected to someone...that's about as far as they can go.  To be consistently connected...let alone desirous of being connected...not happening with a braggert.  Too scary.  Too engulfing.  Too sacrificial.

How do we gently, but firmly, confront the braggerts in our lives?  To start, we can ask "Oh, what made you mention that just now?" when they obviously veer off topic (from what you said) and onto their own "stuff".  When they say, "Oh, well when you said that it just reminded me of...", then YOU can say, "If you don't mind, I'd like to talk about this for more than a moment here..."  That's how  you start.  If that's too tough for you, then you are free of course to bring the topic back to what you were saying when the braggert in your life goes off on their own tangent.  If you do this however, be prepared for perhaps the longest "game" of ping-pong you didn't expect to become engaged in.  "I am getting married!"  "My wedding was so fabulous, I..." "We are going to get married in Aruba!"  "Oh, we went to Maui last winter and it was amazing!"  "I have been looking for beach gowns online there is so many choices!"  "I got this Lazaro gown for mine that was only $4,000 on sale!"  See what I mean?  UGH!  DOUBLE UGH!  Exhausting UGH!

Try care-frontation instead!

So---that's my two cents on them braggerts among us.  Until next time...

Me...On a Diet

What can I tell you about me...on a diet?  As a food addict, I am not going to lie.  My whole life has been about dieting.  When I was in Kindergarten...I was 4-1/2 feet tall and way over 50 lbs.  That pretty much set the tone for my life in grade school.  By the time I was in 6th grade, I was 5'2" tall and not anywhere close to the 80-90 lbs. most of my classmates weighed.  In high school, I shot up another six and then eight inches.  Didn't matter.  By the time I graduated, I was on my way to permanent "Oh you're so pretty BUT..." status.  Thankfully by the time I got married, I pulled myself together enough to fit into a size 12 wedding gown.  Yet to make a very long story short...I have battled MORE than 50 lbs. for most of my adult life...

Being an addict isn't limited to drinking too much, doing too many drugs, shopping, or sexing, or gambling.  Being an active addict also has to do with being on our electronics too much, eating too much, working too much, and yes, even working out too much.  Whatever it is we eat, drink, or "do" that affects the quality of our physical health, our ability to "do" our life appropriately on a daily basis, and/or our relationships in a negative way---IS bad for us.  Period.

Yet every day is a new day.  And every day is a new opportunity to do the right thing for ourselves.  Although I am a food addict and have known it for the past five decades at least...it is one thing to flirt with recovery and sobriety---and it is an entirely different thing to just live it.  As in every day LIVE IT.  This is what today's blog post is about.  My own experience with becoming and remaining "sober" about my own food addiction and recovery process.

After being down and up and up and down with my weight in too many recent years to count, I finally decided to make May 1st my "This is it!" date.   Why May 1st?  Because in the last three Springs of my life, I have been stuck recovering at home from three major surgeries.  First in 2014 it was a left knee replacement;  then in 2015 it was removing a cancerous tumor from my left lung, along with part of that lung.  In 2016, it was a right knee replacement.  I was and am so over major surgeries, I inherently knew that getting my weight under control was and IS the key to avoiding future medical issues and potentially more surgery.  So---I began the investigatory process of "What will work best for me?"

Because I have basically done every diet known to mankind in the past, I already knew what worked for me in spite of the fact that I didn't allow the loss(es) then to last.  Hey---that's how it is with addiction just sayin'.  We think we are "done" or we are "good" or we are "fine" (we don't need to go to meetings anymore!)...which is a supreme lie among lies.  When we are addicted to whatever it is, we have to change our thinking in ways to reflect the new mantra:  "I can't let this "thing" I do or eat or drink be as important as it has been to me...anymore!"  I know I made an "event" out of eating food.  Hey!  It's Saturday morning!  Let's go out and get some bagels and lox with cream cheese!  Hey!  I'm bored!  Let's order a pizza!  Hey!  I just had a challenging session at work!  Time to hit up Tirami Su for happy hour!  Uh---no!  The ideas of using and abusing food to feel better fast had to end.  Same is true for any other addiction.  We have to learn how to feel better fast using methods that really and truly do NOT harm us in some way;  be that way physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual in nature.

For me, the program I chose involved one where I am being held accountable by a doctor, by my fellow program participants, and by a nutritionist who I meet with once a week in a class-like session.  Yes, that's what I need.  And although my journey will be long...and is no doubt challenging...it is what I must do.  Remain sober...remain positive...and remain abstinent from the things that basically cause me to want to eat MORE things.

Online support is also a tremendous blessing in disguise.  For all the time we are buried in our own facebook accounts and other social media---do not discount the power of the online support group!  They work!  They really do!  When you are feeling like you can't help BUT smoke that joint or drink that vodka or eat that entire sheet cake....go online!  Share what  you are going through.  Invariably, someone is on the other end of that screen who can encourage you...inspire you...and/or motivate you to let the craving pass without indulging.

It does take a community to raise a village.  It also takes a healing community to raise another healing member of that same community.  Just do it.  Don't delay.  It'll be worth it in the end.

When I have reached my goal...I'll let you know, with photos even!  ;-)  Until next time..

Our Six Living Generations: Part II

Last post, I presented the first three living generations of the six currently sharing this planet:  the GI Generation, the Mature/Silents, and the Baby Boomers.

According to Dr. Jill Novak of Texas A & M University, each of the six generations are comprised of fairly distinct groups of people who have their own general attributes.  These attributes are in fact heavily influenced by the collective experiences each generation uniquely shares.  However, it must be emphasized that, in the end, everybody still gets to choose the quality of their own inner life.  Although "nature" does have a significant impact on how we turn out as people when we reach adulthood, it's that "nurture" part that counts for just as much.  Without knowing and identifying  what our own philosophical truths and purpose for being actually is...we will be easily blown like dust in the wind;  in one direction and then in the other.  What are your own core values?  What is the nature of your own moral compass?   What's your point for being here?  What is your life's calling?

Generation X is the generation that was born between 1965 and 1980.  These are the "latch-key kids" who grew up isolated, often with divorced or career-driven parents.  The term "latch-key" came from the house key kids wore around their necks, since they would go home after school to an empty house.  Generation X kids have been said to have grown up street smart, but are cynical of many major institutions because of their childhood experiences.  Unlike their own parents, this generation has been eager to make marriage work and "be there" for their own kids.  Ironically, Gen X'ers have been late to marry after living with each other first...and quick to divorce.  As such, a vast majority of Gen X'ers have themselves become single parents.

Gen X'ers were raised in the transition phase of written based knowledge to digital knowledge archives.  According to Novak, most remember being in school without computers and then having them introduced either in middle or high school.   Gen X'ers have been shown to be conversationally shallow because relating consists of shared time watching video movies, instead of active interaction with previous generations.  They are the first generation where their own school problems revolved around drug use.

Gen X'ers are short on loyalty and wary of commitment;  all values are relative and everybody must tolerate everybody else no matter what.  They are self-absorbed and survivors as individuals.  They are cautious, unimpressed with authority, and self-reliant.  They also represent the group which first began obsessing about individual rights prevailing over the common good;  this is the same time the AIDS epidemic began to spread as the first lethal infectious disease in the history of any culture on earth (not subject to any quarantine) due to an infected person engaging in unsafe sexual practices, sharing needs during intravenous drug use, donating blood, or exchanging blood/seminal fluid with a non-infected person.

This generation averages seven career changes in their lifetime;  it was and is not normal to work for a company for "life", unlike the generations before them.  Lastly, Gen X'ers are deeply in credit card debt as they want what they want and want it now..without saving to buy "it".

Generation Y/Millennials are those who were born between 1981 and the year 2000.  As one of the largest generations in history with 77 million people, the American Youth Culture that began with them is now ending with them and their activism has begun to re-emerge.

This generation is also known as the "9/11 Generation" "Echo Boomers" and represent a great departure from Generation X.  Y'ers have been nurtured by omnipresent parents, are optimistic, and focused.  They also respect authority...in spite of the fact that they have lived with the thought of being shot at in school;  they learned early that the world is NOT a safe place.  Of all the generations which preceded Millennials, they have had the most exposure and experience with acts of domestic terrorism.

Y'ers schedule everything;  they also have felt great academic pressure.  They have great expectations for themselves and prefer digital literacy as they grew up in a digital environment.  I can speak to this as I can recall placing our 1986 baby on her dad's knee as he first showed her the bouncy ball "blip blip blip" on our home computer.  Y'ers have never known a world without computers.  They get all of their information and most of their socialization from the Internet.

Millennials also like to work in teams;  because of their unlimited access to information..they tend to be more assertive and possess strong views.  This generation, however, does not live to work;  they prefer a more relaxed work environment with a lot of hand holding and accolades.

Generation "Z" or the Boomlets are those of us who were born after 2001.

In 2006, there were a record number of births in this country and 49% of them were of Hispanic origin.  This fact changes the American melting pot in terms of behavior and culture.  The number of births in 2006 far outnumbered the start of the Baby Boom Generation;  the Boomlets will easily be a larger generation.

Since the early 1700's...the most common last name in the USA was "Smith".  Not anymore;  now it is "Rodriguez" (shout out to Kara and Evan!).

There are two age groups right now:   Tweens who are between 8-12 years old and represent an estimated 29 million by 2009.  Tweens spend $51 each year with an additional $170 billion spent by their parents and family members directly for them.

The next group comprising Boomlets are the Toddlers/Elementary school-aged children.  61% of children beginning at age 8 have television sets in their bedrooms.  35% have video games;  14% have a DVD player, and 4 million will have their own cell phones.  Of course, Boomlets have never known a world without cell phones and computers.

Boomlets have eco-fatigue;  they are tired of hearing about the environment and the many ways we have to save it.  They are KGOY:  "Kids Growing Older Younger".  Instead of playing with age-appropriate toys...they want electronics such as video games and cell phones.  This is also the generation that has instant access to pornography as children through their personal electronics, including cell phones.

Boomlets are savvy consumers in spite of their young age;  they know what they want and how to get it.  They are oversaturated with brands as a general rule of thumb.

So here you have it;  our six living generations.  In an age where technology is the new addiction process, we have to wonder what price we will pay in generations to come when today's 10 year old cannot "live" without his or her IPhone.  For kids who choose to stay holed up in their rooms (on their electronics!) for more hours during the weekend than you or I (as adults) spend at work each day...what will that do to our collective ability to effectively communicate "live" and "in person" over time?  As I know I think about these things, I can easily see how we are creating future generations who know everything---and yet nothing---both at the same time!

Until next time...