You Might Be a Narcissist When....

You Might Be a Narcissist when....

You do a lot of "self-checking" as to how you're going to get what you want from whom and when on a daily basis...

People who are of no possible or potential use to you are pretty much invisible and/or "dead" to you.

If you can identify the way(s) in which someone can be of current or potential use to you in satisfying your own needs and goals (even if that need or goal is to make you feel good about yourself in their presence!)...then it's time to befriend them/date them/work with them/hire them...blah blah blah!

You HATE being told anything you do not want or expect to hear...especially about yourself.  Oh hell no!

You can't wait for much.  Waiting is a fool's game.  Don't they know WHO I AM?!?!  HAHA!  Yep, narcissists are the true VIP status individuals among us!

You are quick to anger and slow to cool down.  Of course you are!  How could that *$)@ NOT know WHO I AM and DARE to forget than I expected XXXXXX NOW from him/her/them?!?!

You are a grandstander.  The only "good" you do for someone else...is when you will be acknowledged and admired for it so as to maintain your self-perceived "image" and "reputation" with the audience you are pandering to.  Narcissists have NO desire to do something "good" without recognition attached!  Cheerful givers without expectations they are NOT!

You struggle with chronic feelings of inadequacy, self-loathing, self-condemnation, anxiety, depression...while at the same time lust for power, pleasure, and control on demand.

You are capable of throwing anyone (and I do mean ANYONE!) you claim to love and care about under the bus so long as you come out smelling like a rose in that sh** show of a circumstance.  

You are a hardcore survivor of life.  You authentically have no clue how to be truly emotionally and spiritually intimate (Into Me You See!) with anybody---unless they are just like you enough.  (Kind of like Charlie Manson and his "women"...or Tony Soprano and Christopher...etc. etc.)

You make a practice of minimizing or ignoring the pain you cause others.  "Shut up it's not a big deal!"

When others cause you pain, you know how to make their lives miserable...for however long you choose to...and will!

When someone upsets you enough, they're out.  As in Buh Bye Felicia!  You are capable of cutting people out like a knife..swiftly and completely.

Putting yourself in someone else's shoes is pretty much impossible for you.  Why?  Who cares?  Who's putting themselves in MY shoes?  :-P

You feel empty inside because you know how hard you work to get what you want when you want it...and still you aren't completely satisfied from the inside out!  What.The.F.?

You have been accused of being narcissistic by more than one person over the course of your life and you STILL believe "they" didn't know what they were talking about because, in fact, THEY were the problem...NOT YOU!

You can count your number of truly good and authentic friends whom you genuinely love...and who genuinely love you on....on....oh that would be on no hands at all!

You have many historic relationships (personal and/or professional) which ended badly because they did this and they did that and didn't they know if they only XXXXXX, it wouldn't have had to end as it did!?

You are the one common denominator between yourself...and all of your past and present drama!

You lack true humility.  Humility is for suckers.  It represents weakness...not strength!

You believe only yourself.  You fundamentally lack trust in anyone and everyone.  You are your own "g" word while you are here (on earth).  Nobody is the boss of you...ever!  Not even the real "g" word!

In spite of perhaps not doing it "yet"......you know you are capable of ruining someone else and someone else's life if you so choose to do so.  People are so damn clueless anyway!

Whatever you do...or choose to do...IS JUST FINE!  There are no absolutes when it comes to "right" behavior.  If you choose to do whatever it is you do, it's ALL GOOD even if it does cause some "collateral damage".  Collateral damage is a fact of life people!  Get over it!

;-)

...you're welcome!

Have a great weekend!

Until next post...

What Experience Teaches....

One of the great poets T.S. Eliot wrote this about the subject of experience:  "We had the experience, but missed the meaning..."  Yep.  Happens all the time.  Too often, in fact.  If you ever want to get a much fuller understanding of the importance of our own life's experiences...please consider googling T.S. Eliot for his infamous quotations on this topic.  He knew his stuff.

I spent this past weekend enjoying my high school's 45th reunion events.  Outdoor parties on Friday, "main" event Saturday night, and breakfast yesterday morning.  It was tremendous fun.  It also contained a series of sobering moments...at least for me.  There were former classmates there I hadn't seen since junior high school and/or early childhood.  Although it is true that everything changes in spite of...it is also true that nothing changes IF nothing changes (within ourselves).  As we age, we can't help but be side swiped by the realities of things happening to us that we'd rather NOT have happen!  49 of our former high school classmates are now deceased;  just found out that another has been missing under suspicious circumstances for 19 years.  How does this occur?!  Well, it just does, that's all.

Today is what we have...and all that we have.  Nobody is promised tomorrow.  Easy to say, hard to remember as we squander the minutes, hours, weeks, months, and/or  years away on...??  Who knows!?  We all make our different choices.  I can remember as a newly graduated high school student working my first "full time" and "professional" job in downtown Detroit---that I "lived" for the weekend.  Wasn't there even a song about that back in the day?  "Everybody's workin' for the weekend...!"  Yep, that was me alright.  Workin' for that weekend, and every weekend.  Not that I was drinking or drugging my weekends away at that time...but whatever I chose to do...it represented "freedom" from my own "responsible" life.

I never liked the feeling of being out of control of my own faculties be them mental and/or physical in nature.  I don't like feeling dizzy, or woozy, or nauseous.  I don't like feeling fuzzy, or confused, or out of control with my emotions either.  Calm and relaxed...of course that's all good.  But jacked up and pissed off?  That would be a "No thanks!"  I saw it all this weekend.  Just did.  Saw smiling faces...heard the laughter...and of course wished it could last forever.  Of course it never does.  All one has to do is move over or down to the "next" group of people....or person...and then we are just as likely to experience something entirely different.  My attitude has always been that if something is said or done to offend me personally...it is very important to say what you mean, mean what you say, don't say it mean, but say it on time.

I got to do that with a childhood bully from my old neighborhood.  He had no idea who I was.  When I referenced myself by the childhood nickname he used to bully me with...he couldn't have run away faster from the spot where he was standing.  Grant it, I have heard about his life over the years to know he's already suffered enough for his own choices made...past and present.  But has he learned much from his own experiences?  I don't know!  I was no more than a flea on some random dog's back in his life. And vice versa.  But I hope when he heard me mention my own former nickname, he thought twice about calling ANYONE "fat" again from that moment on.  If he gets and internalizes that memo from our brief exchange, he'll perhaps get and be better as a human being.  We'll see...or rather, he will see.  Not me;  I'm out!  ;-)

We all have value and purpose.  We all have our ministries...our challenges...and our gifts.  My own experiences have taught me to always speak the truth in love (or as close to love as I can get!) without twisting the importance of the truth because of a "bad" or "poor" presentation style.  Even though I have the deepest and loudest voice ever and stand nearly 6' tall...I'm still a softie at heart.  I truly want to help people through the trials and tribulations of their lives.  However, I do NOT suffer fools gladly.  An a**hole is still an a**hole especially when the a**hole is ignorant about his or her own status AS an a**hole.  As such, don't be casting your pearls onto the swine because trampling is all they know---and all they do.  Just saying!

On that note, have a great week ahead!  Check yourself before you wreck yourself...and stay positive!  Stay positive always!

...but keep speaking that truth as graciously as you can manage and you'll be good!

Until next post...