Monday, May 20, 2019

All About the Timing....

Whether we want to face the truth or not, "timing" is often a tremendous problem for many of us.  When we should be saying or doing something....we don't.  When we shouldn't be saying or doing something....we do.  That's how it is about this issue of "timing".  Today's blog post is about how we can become more aware of the importance of saying what we mean, meaning what we say, not saying it "mean", AND saying it at the right TIME!

Saying and/or doing the right thing at the right time is made especially difficult when we'd rather not.  Let's face it...who wants to be the bearer of what we already know will be perceived as "bad news"?  But what is "bad news" truly?  Telling someone something they would rather not hear?  Yep, it can be like that.  Yet if we are more concerned with hurting someone else's feelings by telling them the "truth" about something which directly involves them....how is that good for them---or for us?  Let me give you some real life examples:

"Chandra" is 84 years old.  Diagnosed recently with Parkinson's disease and living alone in her own home, Chandra has done everything for herself and by herself for decades.  Unmarried and with no children, Chandra fell several times within the past six months, although she kept most of these incidents to herself.  Only last Saturday, Chandra fell in front of Meijer's.  A nice young couple and another woman picked her up and helped her shop---while the woman drove Chandra's car home afterwards, following Chandra and the couple back to Chandra's house.  All three of these people who helped Chandra told her how fortunate she was that they were able to help her as they did.  Although reluctant, Chandra did call her niece so she could be made aware of what just occurred.  Since one of the people who helped Chandra is in the mental health field...the niece was provided with "next step" strategies to ensure that a similar incident would not take place jeopardizing Chandra's safety.  Although Chandra was grateful for the help, she was also upset that her niece is now involved.  Really?  Yes, really!

"Shelly" is 45 years old.  She has a 19 year old son who is up at school, but seems to be struggling.  When Shelly calls "Phillip", he barely says anything but "Yep", "Nope", or "I don't know" in response to Shelly.  Since Shelly doesn't know Phillip's roommates or has any of their cell phone numbers, Shelly feels like Phillip could be lying dead in his bed and she'd never be contacted.  Shelly is considering just driving up to the university and seeing for herself what is going on.  Is Phillip in danger of hurting himself?  Is Phillip on drugs?  What the heck is happening to her son?!  She has to find out...and find out as soon as possible!

"Kya" has lived with "Bo" for the past five years.  She was recently diagnosed with esophageal cancer and was told she needs several weeks of radiation, followed up by several months of chemotherapy.  Kya has nowhere else to go or live.  She has been estranged from her own family for decades, and Bo is the only one who has been there for her.  Yet, Kya knows she doesn't love Bo and probably never did.  He was just the next "right now" guy for Kya when they met shortly before she moved in.  Kya's guilt is already taking a toll on her;  she feels she'd be better off anywhere else but living with Bo in his house.  Kya can already imagine Bo hovering over her and having to be with her 24/7 for his own sake.  Kya wishes there were a way to just leave her life right now and not look back.

As you can imagine, there are all sorts of real-life scenarios just like the ones presented here where the "timing" associated with doing the right thing is a significant issue.  When is it the right time to speak up....or stay silent....or wait before we....??

The answers are not always easy, though they are always present in the midst of our own specific present problem or issue.  If you need help untangling the confusion, fear, and/or anger you feel around a particular situation---this would be a good time to call someone and ask for assistance.  Whether that someone is a trusted and safe-enough "wise" friend or colleague....a spiritual leader...a licensed psychotherapist...whomever he or she is---it may be the "best" timing for you right now to make that call for help.

Timing is everything, it truly is.  Without the "right" timing...opportunities can very easily get lost, just as existing problems can very easily multiply.

Until next post....