Get Out of Your Head...and then Stop Doing that Sh*t!

Recently, two books came across my desk.  One, written by Jennie Allen, is entitled "Get Out of Your Head:  Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts".  The other, "Stop Doing That Sh*t:  End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back", by Gary John Bishop.  No two authors could be any more different when it comes to their writing style.  Yet, they both make the same points about the destructive nature of believing in one's own bullsh*t (as Bishop puts it) and believing the lies we tell ourselves about everything (as Allen puts it).  Put another way (my own!)...we need to stop thinking that no one else but ourselves can be 100% correct about anything and everything we have chosen to believe as being true---or not true!

As Allen points out, we always have a choice about what we will CHOOSE to think "next".  Eckhart Tolle, a well-known author of several books including his debut bestseller "The Power of Now" put it this way:  "What will my next thought be?"  This is because we always DO choose what our "next" thought will be---even when we believe we can't.  Allen reminds us all that "I have a choice!" is what we need to remember so as to interrupt our own toxic thoughts and thinking patterns.  Bishop makes the same point, but uses our relationship with our own bullsh** to bring the point home.  We DO choose what bullsh** is allowed to take up residence up in our heads over the course of time...and which we choose to get rid of.  Might be a bit graphic to think about our own power of choice about our own stinking thinking in this way, but if it works---it's all good!

So what do YOU believe is the #1 toxic thought and pattern of stinking thinking most of humanity struggles with?  Come on now...you got this!  Simply stated, it's when we genuinely hate ourselves.  When we believe, in our own heart of hearts, that we are a P.O.S. person because of A, B, C, D, E, F, G..etc. etc....from our past or present life's experiences and choices---well, this is a VERY difficult way to live! When we think this way, we absolutely lack SELF-ACCEPTANCE as a foundational aspect of our own existence!  

I can relate to this all too well.  Because I was always the tallest and fattest kid growing up in elementary school, things went downhill for me when I required corrective shoes in 3rd grade (my "clod hoppers" as some of my classmates referred to them!)...had extremely buck teeth...and developed a pretty intense case of acne beginning in 7th grade.  What.  The.  Hell.?!?!   Needless to say, how I presented as a girl in reality was WAY off the rails compared to my petite, thin, and naturally "pretty" classmates.  I don't know how or why I chose to interrupt my own toxic thoughts and thinking by hyper-focusing on fashion---but that's what I did.  (To this very day, as a matter of record!  LOL!)  I mean what 3rd grade kid knew everything one needed to know about "nehru" collars on clothing back then and why it was so cool?  (I did!)  Or how Twiggy eyelashes were best drawn on under our lower eyelids in 7th grade?  (I did!)  Had I not been able to re-focus my thoughts and energies on how I might feel more acceptable by using current fashion trends as a tool to do so---who knows where my mind would have taken me at that time!  I learned to sew in 8th grade;  in many ways, that "hobby" was my childhood Godsend to keep my mind "busy" with more productive personal pursuits.  Later on, it was playing guitar and writing my own compositions that kept my own mind in check about "who" I was, in spite of my own personal insecurities.

For any of us, to what extent do you genuinely "hate" yourself?  I have worked with clients who SO hate themselves and have for such a long time---that they spiral downward very quickly over most any situation or circumstance which "triggers" them.  This is a very tough way to live people!  We don't want to believe how the ways in which we think about ourselves, in the general sense, can run and then ruin our own lives---but we do it way too often to ourselves anyway!  For example, why do people hate going to the doctor?  I can tell you;  can you tell you?  I mean let's face it:  being at a doctor's office for a physical exam when "I hate my body!"  "I hate someone else telling me everything I'm doing wrong to myself!"  "I hate being exposed like that!"---is NOT a good way to avoid facing our self-acceptance related issues!  Don't misunderstand;  I know people can have phobias about "doctors" and that's a separate issue.  I'm talking about those of us who won't go to the doctor at all because...I HATE ME AND I DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF HOW MUCH I HATE ME!  End of.

Yep, we do all get to choose how much truth we can stand, that's for sure!

When we can practice getting out of our own heads and then stop doing that sh*t which gets us caught up in a toxic cycle of toxic thinking---we can truly improve!  Both books are great reads and so highly complimentary to one another---it's scary!  :-P  If you want to help yourself move past your own self-imposed mental obstacles, I highly recommend these two books to add to your personal library.

Until next post....

Killing the Harsh Critic Within....

Recently, I joined up with some hobby-specific Facebook groups.  It's been a lot of fun.  On the plus side, people are extremely creative!  One of the groups I joined has to do with upcycling.  It is amazing what people upcycle that turns out phenomenal!  Stuff like floor rugs that are intricately designed with patterns I couldn't even copy down on paper...let alone create from old tee-shirt scraps!  Or kitchen cupboards and cabinets made from deconstructed vintage dining room buffet units.  The things I have seen have literally blown me away;  it has also been nice to offer up one's own suggestions when asked "What can I do with these?" As people, we are certainly good at encouraging, inspiring, and motivating when genuinely called upon to do so;  we are equally stellar when using our own imaginations to create something special out of nothing much!

Just this morning I saw a circular and crocheted afghan like no other.  It was like viewing a painting in 3D!  The design was beyond unique;  the colors couldn't have been coordinated any better.  And yet...what do you think the person who created this one-of-a-kind artwork posted?  To paraphrase, "I am so disappointed;  this blah-blah type of yarn ruined my work."  What?!?!?  She posted close ups of the afghan...and I swear I had no idea what part(s) of her work she was referencing.  In response, I asked her to send it to me as I didn't see anything "wrong"....it was done in colors I find gorgeous...and WTF why is she being so critical of herself and what she created?  And therein lies the rub dear readers....WTF is with us who are, as a matter of fact, highly critical of ourselves more often than not?!?!

Yesterday at work, same deal.  The client came in....and began complaining about the situation "at work" and all the reasons why he was ruining himself there.  The way he put it, I initially presumed he meant ruining himself by remaining employed in a toxic work environment;  instead, he meant ruining himself  by not working hard enough...by not producing to a greater degree....and by not coming up with the "right" solutions soon enough.  

The other day...someone I know kept running herself down about why her romantic relationship was failing, in her own opinion.  "I should have..."  "If I only...."  "I expect too much..." These things may have been true if she hadn't hooked herself up with a malignant narcissist, but she had.  Once again, WTF?! 

The Harsh Critic within is alive and well in way too many of us.  What we don't understand, however, is WHY we get hooked in and locked in to this mentality of "I have to be perfect in order to be acceptable to others."  Stop and think about THAT now for more than a minute puleeze!

When we truly and genuinely believe we are NOT o.k. as we are....we are ripe for the picking by all the dysfunctional kinds of thoughts, feelings, and subsequent behaviors that are out there to grab us up and take full control of our lives.  No kidding!  To view ourselves as UNacceptable generally speaking represents the proverbial KOD (Kiss of Death!) as far as the ways we will subsequently treat OURSELVES!  Instead of treating ourselves as uniquely designed for specific purposes in this life we live...we treat ourselves like performance-based objects that are of NO good use unless what we do is "perfect".  Spare me!  Who can do perfect?!  Uh, that would be NO-body!  

So how and where did we learn to treat ourselves like performing monkeys instead of free-to-be-me-equals with everyone else we share this planet with?  Well....take a look back and figure that out for yourself!  Or...you can always call someone like me who can come up along side you and help you with your figuring.

It's a rough existence when we hate ourselves and/or hate what we don't do "perfect" enough in our own opinion!  Killing the Harsh Critic residing within your soul isn't a bad idea for 2021.  If you don't kill that beast within...it's bound to become more comfortable hanging out with you for as long as you let it.

Until next post...