Just taped three shows today for our radio program "Sunday Sessions" on WJR 760 AM here in the "D" (Detroit). Our subject was lifetraps and lovetraps. My colleague (Dr. Gail Majcher) and I are very excited about these shows because the subject matter really gets to the heart of how anyone can begin to "get better" in the context of their own stinkin' thinkin'.
To begin, we all have developed certain patterns of thinking that we believe to be "true" no matter what. In psychology, these patterns of thinking are called "schema" and there are 18 of them that each of us have developed no matter who we are, where we come from, or where we are now in our lives. Some of these patterns related to issues concerning "Disconnection and Rejection" (known as a Schema Domain). There are five Schema Domains under which each of the 18 schemas, or patterns of thinking, are classified.
Of course, very few people are going to "know" or pick up on the idea that their own thinking may be contributing to their general dis-satisfaction with life and relationships. After all, who seriously stops themselves after experiencing a sense of deep betrayal by a loved one and says, "Oh geez, this feeling I have and my desire to slap this person across the face right now must be tied directly to my schema of abandonment?" No, not going to happen. YET, when we become aware of what these various "maladaptive" schemas are and how we are completely capable of changing them (for the better!), then we WILL be able to get ourselves to someplace better in our own lives and important relationships. Sometimes that requires the assistance of a good psychotherapist, sometimes it involves getting into the right support group.....and it definitely involves learning how to comfortably and appropriately IDENTIFY and EXPRESS our authentic feelings, needs, and wants to each other in a timely manner!
Dr. Jeffrey Young from Columbia Medical Center is the clinical psychologist who introduced schema therapy to the masses some years ago. Oprah magazine featured his work in an article entitled "Lovetraps 101" in 2007. I suggest you look it up and review it for a good overview of what schemas and schema therapy is all about. In the meantime, here's to freeing ourselves from the traps of our own stinkin' thinkin'!
