For those of you who don't know Don Draper, please allow me the honor of introducing him to you. Don Draper is the main character on what has become a widely popular television series entitled "Mad Men". It airs every Sunday night on the AMC channel from 9-10PM. But this post isn't about the series; it is about the character of Don Draper....
When I first watched "Don" in action (portrayed by the hotter-than-hot actor John Hamm), there was something about him that was strangely and yet comfortably familiar to me. He initially reminded me of my mother's favorite actor when I was growing up: Rock Hudson. "Don" is, to put it bluntly, the stereotypical "man's man and every woman's dream" in the flesh. He's darkly handsome, suave, and difficult to figure out. Mad Men takes place in 1960s New York; I was a child in the 1960s; and the more I watch Don, the more I am reminded of many husbands and fathers of that era and the damage caused by what I call "Don Draper Syndrome"....
Don Draper is the type of guy you will never get to know, no matter how hard you try. As the series opens, Don is married to "Betty" and has two young children. Betty looks a lot like Grace Kelly and, as a couple, Don and Betty represent mutual arm candy for satisfying one another's egos. Yet as the series progresses, it is clear that Betty and Don have very little that is "real" in common; as a matter of fact, about the only thing they have in common is sex---and Betty's denial of Don's philandering ways. Yes, they have two children together...but they might as well be props in the larger drama of Don and Betty's lives. We see them rarely throughout the series, and only in the context of what they are either told to do by Betty..or what they have "done" that is inappropriate. Getting to know who they are authentically is out of the question as this family is all about Don first....always Don first.
As it turns out, Don is not even "Don" to begin with. Don was actually killed during the Korean War and his identity stolen from the soldier who was with him at that time---a man named Dick. If you haven't already guessed, Betty doesn't have a clue who she married in more ways than the obvious. What's worse, it is also clear that Betty might not care if Don/Dick were Jack the Ripper so long as her own needs of choice were being satisfied by Don/Dick on a regular basis. As it turns out, Don/Dick is satisfying Betty only as he chooses...along with most every woman he meets for more than a minute.
Now here comes the ironic part. Don/Dick in the context of his work life is a superstar. He's calmly assertive in virtually every "difficult" situation he faces---he champions every underdog---and he's a brilliant businessman who can cut through the muck instantly to get to the heart and truth of every matter. Unfortunately, he can't keep his hands off the bottle which sits both inside his office and elsewhere throughout his life. Back in the 60s, alcohol was the favored drug of choice in "coping" with painful past realities and present uncomfortable feelings. If Mad Men were a present-day series, Don/Dick would probably be hitting the strip clubs, gambling, smoking weed, and/or popping pills in order to "cope" with his undealt-with demons.
If you haven't already guessed, the profile I have described for you of Don Draper is one of a classic narcissist. Narcissists are those individuals who are life's less-than-resilient survivors. Everything they believe and everything they do is viewed through the lens of their own unmet needs---and their related needs satisfaction. It doesn't matter what they do or who they hurt in order to get what they want out of life and people. They will do whatever they have to in order to be "satisfied". Even if that satisfaction involves a minute...or an hour...or fifty years of their time, effort, and energy. Now a days, we would say that Don/Dick is a person who is willing to throw ANYBODY under the bus in order to get what he wants. Even his wife...even his children...even his long-lost brother...even his best friend.
The Don Drapers of this world will always be among us in spite of the charm, or the good looks, or the carrots they dangle in front of us to accomplish their ultimate goal(s). Much like the snake who charmed Eve into taking that first bite, Don Draper Syndrome is more deadly than it initially appears to the naked eye...
Next time, let's have a chat about the Culture of Narcissism we live in today...
