Everyone has met someone who personifies the deadly triad: ignorant, arrogant, and abusive. Take Mike for example. Mike took enough drugs in high school to choke about 50 horses. He dropped out during the first semester of 11th grade. He kept taking drugs throughout his adult life and floated from minimum-wage to minimum-wage job. Now, at 55 years old, Mike is an "expert" on most any topic of conversation. As a matter of fact, you may have seen Mike on a recent episode of Judge Mathis. He was the dude being sued by a former friend over a car loan...but took it upon himself during the broadcast to "teach" Judge Mathis a few things about the law and how it applied to his particular case. Yep,that's who Mike is. Ignorant, arrogant, and abusive.
And then there's Ann. Ann doesn't like men too much. She has been married a few times, but that hasn't stopped her from dogging them any chance she gets. Men are lazy. Men are cheaters. And don't you know men are liars too. All men. Probably your man too. Needless to say, Ann isn't someone too many women find they want to spend much time with. Ann doesn't understand it. She is always more than willing to tell her girlfriends "how" to go about finding a man if they must and God knows it's NOT through Match.com! Ann is alone a lot of the time and can't figure out why. As far as Ann sees it, her friends should be grateful for Ann's insight and help. She knows. She's been through it.
How is it that a person adopts the deadly triad as part of their relational style? It's a combination of things. Little or no self-esteem combined with a narcissistic need for attention, admirmation, and validation. I know that reads like a mouthful and it is. But it's at the heart of much of this "ugly" behavior which screams "Pay attention to me even though I don't know what in the hell I am talking about or who I am as a person!"
Becoming real is a process. It can be scary and it can be confusing..but it is possible. Get real help. Find a good therapist. Find out why you'd rather make an ass of yourself on a daily basis than just "be" who you were created to be with others. You can do it. Work on kicking your own deadly triad to the curb and replacing it with your beautiful higher self!
