Being "stuck" is one of the two reasons why people seek out psychotherapy. Regardless of the problem or issue or dilemma they are facing in life, if someone is feeling "stuck" and unable to solve, resolve, or dissolve their problem(s)---that doesn't feel too good. Often, it feels terrible. When it gets really bad, it feels suffocating.
The other reason why people seek out psychotherapy is due to feeling "lost". Yep, that about sums it up. People feel either stuck...or lost...or some combination of the two. Pretty simple right? Not really. Why? Because instead of doing the "right" thing to un-stick themselves or get "found"---people tend to naturally do other things that only makes their situation(s) worse.
Susan was an example of someone I knew who was lost. She never really knew what her point and purpose was in this life of hers. She spent her first 40 years basically floating through time and space with one guy after another believing that he/them held the key to her inner peace and personal happiness. Wrong assumption #1. Nobody can "make" you happy or feel fulfilled Susan. Stuff like that only comes from within. Why didn't you learn that Susan by the time you were say 25 or 30? Who knows? Maybe because Susan came from a family of codependents whose whole purpose in life was to avoid real responsibilities (personally, professionally, and otherwise!) at any cost. In otherwords, Susan was raised by a bunch of "Let's get the most out of life for the least no matter how much it hurts others" kinda people! Even when it came to falling in love and what Susan "expected" from her significant other even after he was her fourth, fifth, and sixth "true love" relationship.
John, on the flip side of that coin, was someone who was stuck. John just couldn't stop hooking himself up with self-absorbed, angry, and demanding women. Don't get me wrong...John was lost too. He didn't know who he was or what he was designed to do in life, but in John's case his appetite for adrenaline rushes kept getting in the way. John wanted it all. He wanted the heat and the passion and the action and the money and the most beautiful women always. He was stuck in high gear. He couldn't slow himself down. He had no idea how to do so. All he knew was that life was short, time was marching on, and he wasn't getting any younger.
Of course it follows that Susan and John found each other in the wrong place at the same time. She's lost and looking for a daddy---and some sugar---and some safety and security. While he's looking for someone to save him from himself without even noticing how that was his pattern. To help unstick him you see. As if Susan could do that for him. As if anyone could.
Eight years and one kiddie later, Susan and John come to see me in therapy. It's like being in the middle of a clip from "Shame" to say the least. He's a raging sex addict and she is too. He's a closet druggie and she's an open book of whatever works to make her feel better fast. Their kiddie is a poster child for "This is what neglect looks like in 2012". It's a freaking mess. But at least they came to therapy. And the very least I can do is attempt to help them see what they have been fighting themselves from seeing their entire lives: how being "stuck" and how being "lost" is not the end of the world. They are merely signposts which signal that help is needed and needs to be followed. One step at a time and one day at a time.
Pain is not meant to define us...but to prepare us. Prepare us for a better and healthier future that is.
Being lost or stuck isn't anywhere you want to live for too long.
The other reason why people seek out psychotherapy is due to feeling "lost". Yep, that about sums it up. People feel either stuck...or lost...or some combination of the two. Pretty simple right? Not really. Why? Because instead of doing the "right" thing to un-stick themselves or get "found"---people tend to naturally do other things that only makes their situation(s) worse.
Susan was an example of someone I knew who was lost. She never really knew what her point and purpose was in this life of hers. She spent her first 40 years basically floating through time and space with one guy after another believing that he/them held the key to her inner peace and personal happiness. Wrong assumption #1. Nobody can "make" you happy or feel fulfilled Susan. Stuff like that only comes from within. Why didn't you learn that Susan by the time you were say 25 or 30? Who knows? Maybe because Susan came from a family of codependents whose whole purpose in life was to avoid real responsibilities (personally, professionally, and otherwise!) at any cost. In otherwords, Susan was raised by a bunch of "Let's get the most out of life for the least no matter how much it hurts others" kinda people! Even when it came to falling in love and what Susan "expected" from her significant other even after he was her fourth, fifth, and sixth "true love" relationship.
John, on the flip side of that coin, was someone who was stuck. John just couldn't stop hooking himself up with self-absorbed, angry, and demanding women. Don't get me wrong...John was lost too. He didn't know who he was or what he was designed to do in life, but in John's case his appetite for adrenaline rushes kept getting in the way. John wanted it all. He wanted the heat and the passion and the action and the money and the most beautiful women always. He was stuck in high gear. He couldn't slow himself down. He had no idea how to do so. All he knew was that life was short, time was marching on, and he wasn't getting any younger.
Of course it follows that Susan and John found each other in the wrong place at the same time. She's lost and looking for a daddy---and some sugar---and some safety and security. While he's looking for someone to save him from himself without even noticing how that was his pattern. To help unstick him you see. As if Susan could do that for him. As if anyone could.
Eight years and one kiddie later, Susan and John come to see me in therapy. It's like being in the middle of a clip from "Shame" to say the least. He's a raging sex addict and she is too. He's a closet druggie and she's an open book of whatever works to make her feel better fast. Their kiddie is a poster child for "This is what neglect looks like in 2012". It's a freaking mess. But at least they came to therapy. And the very least I can do is attempt to help them see what they have been fighting themselves from seeing their entire lives: how being "stuck" and how being "lost" is not the end of the world. They are merely signposts which signal that help is needed and needs to be followed. One step at a time and one day at a time.
Pain is not meant to define us...but to prepare us. Prepare us for a better and healthier future that is.
Being lost or stuck isn't anywhere you want to live for too long.