A good friend of ours had been involved some years ago in a criminal defense case that made national headlines. Just today I was reminded of that case as I watched the latest episode of "Scorned: Love Kills" on the t.v. I hadn't forgotten about this case...but I had certainly forgotten about all the "drama" that surrounded this couple before her actual death. "M" (the husband) was ultimately convicted of killing her and is currently serving an LWOP sentence (life without parole).
In their case, I believe it was their respective addictions to drama which ultimately led to their undoing...and her tragic death.
This post, however, is not about that particular case (interesting as it may be). Instead, I'd like to address the issue of being addicted to "drama" and how you can go about untangling its suffocating web in your life and important relationships.
Being addicted to drama isn't so difficult to imagine when you think about all the people you know (and perhaps yourself!) who have a hard time being "still" literally and figuratively. Just like little kids with ADHD, adults who can't settle down, be calm, think before they act, (etc. etc.) often look for ways to entertain themselves and/or be entertained. For these folks, feeling "bored" is akin to having one's fingernails pulled out by the root. There is no such thing as "doing nothing"; something HAS to be going on always. Whether that something is destructive to others or to oneself doesn't matter; it's the "excitement" and/or the adrenaline rush which makes it all worth the effort.
Because drama addicts can't stand being bored or doing "nothing"....just imagine how easy it is to figure out and find out, over time, what "works" best to keep them stimulated! Some of the "classic" choices drama addicts select to keep themselves running and going 24/7 include sex, work, drugs that stimulate the central nervous system such as meth and cocaine, gambling, shopping, stealing, lying...whatever can get them to feeling "the rush" of being (if you will!) on "top" of their game. Even if the game is based on delusion and denial doesn't matter. If it makes the drama addict "feel" good and "alive" in the moment, it's worth the effort no matter what the long term price or consequences.
C and H were one such couple who, not unlike two moths being attracted to the same flame, brought out the worst in each other with their respective drama addictions. C and H were both substance abusers. His drugs of choice were the central nervous system depressants (alcohol, vicodin, oxycontin, pot, etc.) while hers were the central nervous system stimulants (cocaine, poppers, adderall, and Red Bull). They were also "players" in the sense that they had many "friends" they were both sexual with...be that individually or as part of a threesome---foursome---sixsome---and even more than tensome on some occassions. To say they were a hot mess is an understatement. They were a train wreck without a track, without a train, and without a clue.
I might also add at this point that C and H were both "low achievers" when it came to their professional lives. Each were used to free handouts from their parent(s) and grew to be quite the entitled and elitist duo when it came to wanting the best, demanding the best, and taking the best whenever and wherever possible. And as is true in most codependently trapped relationships, all the parents involved just added to the mayhem by giving in and giving over whatever they had for C and H "on demand".
This "lifestyle" went on for several years until a series of consequences popped up to remind both C and H that their drama couldn't go unchecked forever. C lost their home and his driver's license; H lost an unborn baby and was fired from her bartending job. After another epic fight over something that didn't even matter...C stormed out of the house and started walking along a major road to a nearby friend's place after midnight. He was hit by a car. He died.
And then the drama ended...at least for C.
It doesn't have to be like this. Getting over your own drama begins by acknowledging it. Anyone can look back at their past and "know" whether or not they have made some poor decisions along the way. So why do we so often just ignore the obvious and pretend everything is "fine"? I'll tell you why. Because it's damn hard to break a drama addiction when you don't even know you have one to begin with! This is what psychotherapy is for. It is to allow an enlightened witness to your pain to guide you through the process of facing reality head on, learning what you need to from your painful past, practice a "better" way to function in your life and present circumstances, and to move forward without repeating the same garbage over and over again.
H of course met another guy after C's death and last I heard was living with him somewhere far far away from here. And she's still bartending. What a surprise.
Until next time....
In their case, I believe it was their respective addictions to drama which ultimately led to their undoing...and her tragic death.
This post, however, is not about that particular case (interesting as it may be). Instead, I'd like to address the issue of being addicted to "drama" and how you can go about untangling its suffocating web in your life and important relationships.
Being addicted to drama isn't so difficult to imagine when you think about all the people you know (and perhaps yourself!) who have a hard time being "still" literally and figuratively. Just like little kids with ADHD, adults who can't settle down, be calm, think before they act, (etc. etc.) often look for ways to entertain themselves and/or be entertained. For these folks, feeling "bored" is akin to having one's fingernails pulled out by the root. There is no such thing as "doing nothing"; something HAS to be going on always. Whether that something is destructive to others or to oneself doesn't matter; it's the "excitement" and/or the adrenaline rush which makes it all worth the effort.
Because drama addicts can't stand being bored or doing "nothing"....just imagine how easy it is to figure out and find out, over time, what "works" best to keep them stimulated! Some of the "classic" choices drama addicts select to keep themselves running and going 24/7 include sex, work, drugs that stimulate the central nervous system such as meth and cocaine, gambling, shopping, stealing, lying...whatever can get them to feeling "the rush" of being (if you will!) on "top" of their game. Even if the game is based on delusion and denial doesn't matter. If it makes the drama addict "feel" good and "alive" in the moment, it's worth the effort no matter what the long term price or consequences.
C and H were one such couple who, not unlike two moths being attracted to the same flame, brought out the worst in each other with their respective drama addictions. C and H were both substance abusers. His drugs of choice were the central nervous system depressants (alcohol, vicodin, oxycontin, pot, etc.) while hers were the central nervous system stimulants (cocaine, poppers, adderall, and Red Bull). They were also "players" in the sense that they had many "friends" they were both sexual with...be that individually or as part of a threesome---foursome---sixsome---and even more than tensome on some occassions. To say they were a hot mess is an understatement. They were a train wreck without a track, without a train, and without a clue.
I might also add at this point that C and H were both "low achievers" when it came to their professional lives. Each were used to free handouts from their parent(s) and grew to be quite the entitled and elitist duo when it came to wanting the best, demanding the best, and taking the best whenever and wherever possible. And as is true in most codependently trapped relationships, all the parents involved just added to the mayhem by giving in and giving over whatever they had for C and H "on demand".
This "lifestyle" went on for several years until a series of consequences popped up to remind both C and H that their drama couldn't go unchecked forever. C lost their home and his driver's license; H lost an unborn baby and was fired from her bartending job. After another epic fight over something that didn't even matter...C stormed out of the house and started walking along a major road to a nearby friend's place after midnight. He was hit by a car. He died.
And then the drama ended...at least for C.
It doesn't have to be like this. Getting over your own drama begins by acknowledging it. Anyone can look back at their past and "know" whether or not they have made some poor decisions along the way. So why do we so often just ignore the obvious and pretend everything is "fine"? I'll tell you why. Because it's damn hard to break a drama addiction when you don't even know you have one to begin with! This is what psychotherapy is for. It is to allow an enlightened witness to your pain to guide you through the process of facing reality head on, learning what you need to from your painful past, practice a "better" way to function in your life and present circumstances, and to move forward without repeating the same garbage over and over again.
H of course met another guy after C's death and last I heard was living with him somewhere far far away from here. And she's still bartending. What a surprise.
Until next time....