"Girls" is the name of a new HBO series. Created by and starring 24 year old Leah Dunham, "Girls" presents the lives of four 20-something friends living and working in New York City. Leah's character "Hannah" lives with "Marnie". "Soshanna" is another friend whose cousin "Jessa" is also part of this foursome. When I've spoken to my 20-something year old clients about this series, those who haven't before seen it yet say something like "I've heard about it; that's the show where the fat ugly girl is always running around naked right?" Yeah, that's the one.
When I saw the first episode of "Girls", I wanted to throw up literally. "Hannah" (the fat ugly girl running around naked) was clearly presented as an irresponsible, entitled, and yet pathetically disillusioned and compulsively people-pleasing human being. I know. What a combo eh? Meanwhile, her bff "Marnie" is a physically gorgeous ("a young Brook Shields"), self-confident, "traditional", and seemingly mature young lady. As I recalled the characterizations from "Girls"' predecessor "Sex and the City"...all who was missing at this point were the updated versions of "Samantha" and "Charlotte". Of course, Dunham brought us "Jessa" and "Soshanna" to fill in those two gaps.
When all was said and done at the end of episode one...I couldn't get "Hannah's" ugly-a$$ "friend with benefits" out of my mind ("Adam" gave new meaning to the term "AAGGGGHHHHH!")...nor could I imagine ANY redeeming value(s) being presented or taught as a result of this series. To me, watching "Girls" was like picking through the contents of a landfill. There was a whole lot of nasty garbage...and not much else.
One of my other 20-something clients encouraged me to keep watching. She promised it would get better. So, given this was "Watchathon" week on cable (meaning I could watch the whole series up to the present time for free until this weekend)...I worked my way through the next 7 or 8 episodes of the first season. And now I get it. I have changed my mind a bit (only a bit!) about "Girls"...but what a way to get to the heart of what this series is attempting to convey....
First, I believe that "Girls" is an in-your-face demonstration of what it is like to be 20-something in today's world...and yet not be FULLY aware of or focused on discovering "who" you authentically are. Kinda like putting on a different costume every day in hopes of finding the one that fits and feels best. This is a problem for all the characters in the series, because their personal identities are being defined by things that really don't matter. All these "Girls" want to be and feel "desired", each in their own way. They want to be wanted. That's a natural and normal human need, but not when it's so reduced down to the context of their romantic encounters and relationships. In the big picture, feeling "valued" and "worthy" is not a bad thing...but believing (the lie!) that this can only come from physical intimacy is an even bigger lie. "Hannah" allows "Adam" to be however he wants to be with her, even when it is completely disgusting to her (we won't go there about the shower scene). "Marnie" doesn't want to be the object of her boyfriend's obsession; yet when they break up, she wants "it" back again. "Jessa" just wants to be in charge of whomever and whenever on her terms. Lastly, Soshanna (still a virgin) doesn't know what to do or believe because she feels stuck floating in space without the anchor (of a man's "desire") to keep her grounded.
These are not bad lessons to learn as a result of watching "Girls". As the series progresses throughout its first season, the hypocrisy of certain societal norms are exposed for what they are, but so is the futility of chasing dragons that lead only to very sore feet. In one especially important episode, "Adam" ("Hannah's" sick and twisted friend with benefits) confronts her about being so self-involved to the point of never bothering OR wanting to know him on an emotionally intimate level. Funny how as soon as he confonts her about this, he becomes instantly more "appealing" because of his vulnerability and honest heart-felt communication. Once both "Adam" and "Hannah" get it about practicing emotional intimacy as a priority, their relationship improves. Funny how that works. I've always said to clients, "Emotional and Spiritual Intimacy is the CAKE! Physical Intimacy is the ICING! NOT the other way round!"
Grant it, "Girls" does not at all address spiritual intimacy in relationships, but what HBO series does or ever did in the first place? None that I can think of! I do believe that a clear understanding of what's "right" and what's "wrong" is absolutely necessary for anyone who hopes to successfully navigate their way through a world where "If it feels good do it!" is the primary commandment of this century. Like I've said many times before, it's all good until someone else desides to rear end you because it "felt so good" to them!
With that, "Girls" definitely has a whole lot in it that is not for the weak of stomach....BUT also has in it some important truths about what does NOT work (and what does!) in discovering "who" you authentically are...and why that's so tremendously important.
When I saw the first episode of "Girls", I wanted to throw up literally. "Hannah" (the fat ugly girl running around naked) was clearly presented as an irresponsible, entitled, and yet pathetically disillusioned and compulsively people-pleasing human being. I know. What a combo eh? Meanwhile, her bff "Marnie" is a physically gorgeous ("a young Brook Shields"), self-confident, "traditional", and seemingly mature young lady. As I recalled the characterizations from "Girls"' predecessor "Sex and the City"...all who was missing at this point were the updated versions of "Samantha" and "Charlotte". Of course, Dunham brought us "Jessa" and "Soshanna" to fill in those two gaps.
When all was said and done at the end of episode one...I couldn't get "Hannah's" ugly-a$$ "friend with benefits" out of my mind ("Adam" gave new meaning to the term "AAGGGGHHHHH!")...nor could I imagine ANY redeeming value(s) being presented or taught as a result of this series. To me, watching "Girls" was like picking through the contents of a landfill. There was a whole lot of nasty garbage...and not much else.
One of my other 20-something clients encouraged me to keep watching. She promised it would get better. So, given this was "Watchathon" week on cable (meaning I could watch the whole series up to the present time for free until this weekend)...I worked my way through the next 7 or 8 episodes of the first season. And now I get it. I have changed my mind a bit (only a bit!) about "Girls"...but what a way to get to the heart of what this series is attempting to convey....
First, I believe that "Girls" is an in-your-face demonstration of what it is like to be 20-something in today's world...and yet not be FULLY aware of or focused on discovering "who" you authentically are. Kinda like putting on a different costume every day in hopes of finding the one that fits and feels best. This is a problem for all the characters in the series, because their personal identities are being defined by things that really don't matter. All these "Girls" want to be and feel "desired", each in their own way. They want to be wanted. That's a natural and normal human need, but not when it's so reduced down to the context of their romantic encounters and relationships. In the big picture, feeling "valued" and "worthy" is not a bad thing...but believing (the lie!) that this can only come from physical intimacy is an even bigger lie. "Hannah" allows "Adam" to be however he wants to be with her, even when it is completely disgusting to her (we won't go there about the shower scene). "Marnie" doesn't want to be the object of her boyfriend's obsession; yet when they break up, she wants "it" back again. "Jessa" just wants to be in charge of whomever and whenever on her terms. Lastly, Soshanna (still a virgin) doesn't know what to do or believe because she feels stuck floating in space without the anchor (of a man's "desire") to keep her grounded.
These are not bad lessons to learn as a result of watching "Girls". As the series progresses throughout its first season, the hypocrisy of certain societal norms are exposed for what they are, but so is the futility of chasing dragons that lead only to very sore feet. In one especially important episode, "Adam" ("Hannah's" sick and twisted friend with benefits) confronts her about being so self-involved to the point of never bothering OR wanting to know him on an emotionally intimate level. Funny how as soon as he confonts her about this, he becomes instantly more "appealing" because of his vulnerability and honest heart-felt communication. Once both "Adam" and "Hannah" get it about practicing emotional intimacy as a priority, their relationship improves. Funny how that works. I've always said to clients, "Emotional and Spiritual Intimacy is the CAKE! Physical Intimacy is the ICING! NOT the other way round!"
Grant it, "Girls" does not at all address spiritual intimacy in relationships, but what HBO series does or ever did in the first place? None that I can think of! I do believe that a clear understanding of what's "right" and what's "wrong" is absolutely necessary for anyone who hopes to successfully navigate their way through a world where "If it feels good do it!" is the primary commandment of this century. Like I've said many times before, it's all good until someone else desides to rear end you because it "felt so good" to them!
With that, "Girls" definitely has a whole lot in it that is not for the weak of stomach....BUT also has in it some important truths about what does NOT work (and what does!) in discovering "who" you authentically are...and why that's so tremendously important.