One of my areas of specialty is treating individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder, part of the "Cluster B" family of personality disorders. Cluster B'ers are commonly referred to in our field as the "dramatic and erratic" group. For Borderlines, life has not been an easy road. Crisis, chaos, and drama became too comfortably familiar for too long; trauma, abuse, and neglect represented more of "situation normal" than anyone would care to admit within one's family of origin.
If Borderlines could speak just a single sentence to sum up their pathology, it would be this one: "Are you for me or are you against me?" With Borderlines, life and relationships are very black and white. If you agree and cooperate with a Borderline...you're an angel. Disagree or challenge, and you are satan incarnate. The primary reason behind this pattern of thinking is that Borderlines have major issues with their ability to trust others. Trust for them was shattered into a million pieces going way way back. Borderlines struggle with ongoing instability in regards to their own mood states, self-image, and relationships. They are very unpredictable people. The tag line here is "The only thing predictable about a borderline is their unpredictability.." Often, people confuse borderline personality disorder with bipolar mood disorder because there is so much symptom overlap. And yet it is possible for a person to be both bipolar and borderline personality disordered.
Borderline mothers are a unique breed because they will typically say one thing and do another when it comes to their overall parenting style. Regardless of the situation at hand, BPD moms aren't so much about doing the "right" thing---but the "right" thing for them personally in any given moment. BPD moms fall into four general subtypes: the queen, the witch, the waif, and the hermit. One of the greatest books written on this topic of BPD moms is "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine Lawson. It's a classic. I have used it to help adult children of BPD moms to realize how what happened to them was NOT their fault. If there was ever a group who was into transmitting their own pain to others rather than being transformed by it into better people---it's the BPD parent.
The original book written way back when on BPD is called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" by Jerold Kreisman. Talk about a title that says it all! I have seen Borderlines basically shut their eyes to serious dysfunctions present within their child(ren)...so long as the child(ren) involved never leave(s) home. How sick is that? Well, not so much for the Borderline. Remember, Borderlines are all about THEIR OWN perception of personal safety and self-preservation. So what if Johnny is a drug-addicted alcoholic since he was 15 years old? So long as he's never left home (now that he's 50!) and is at mama's beckoned call 24/7...it's all good.
Borderlines are fascinating to the same extent that they are maddening. Their thinking and behavior typically defies logic because they have no clue who they authentically are deep down inside. Borderlines typically complain of feeling "empty" without someone "there" to play "g"od for them in their lives. Spiritually speaking, Borderlines are on a constant search for that person who will function as their "g"od in life. On the other hand, Borderlines can themselves play "g"od very easily in the lives of others as well---especially their own child(ren). The problem here is that they are constantly disappointed...and disappointing---which makes their pathology more pronounced when left undiagnosed and untreated over time.
Treating BPD successfully is possible, but it is hard work and requires that the BPDer be strongly committed to his or her own healing process. I've mentioned two books here to get one started on finding out more about BPD. Another great book is "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Paul Mason and Randi Krieger, which is focused on assisting those who have a BPD loved one.
Ultimately, BPDers have had a very rough life; the only problem is that they keep spreading their woundedness around to others like it's their job. Spreading one's pain around to others like literal poop is never a good idea. The goal should be to get authentically better as a person and break the legacy of dysfunction handed down from past generations...
If you suspect that you may struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder, feel free to give me a call when you are ready so we can do the good work of healing, positive change, and growth.
If Borderlines could speak just a single sentence to sum up their pathology, it would be this one: "Are you for me or are you against me?" With Borderlines, life and relationships are very black and white. If you agree and cooperate with a Borderline...you're an angel. Disagree or challenge, and you are satan incarnate. The primary reason behind this pattern of thinking is that Borderlines have major issues with their ability to trust others. Trust for them was shattered into a million pieces going way way back. Borderlines struggle with ongoing instability in regards to their own mood states, self-image, and relationships. They are very unpredictable people. The tag line here is "The only thing predictable about a borderline is their unpredictability.." Often, people confuse borderline personality disorder with bipolar mood disorder because there is so much symptom overlap. And yet it is possible for a person to be both bipolar and borderline personality disordered.
Borderline mothers are a unique breed because they will typically say one thing and do another when it comes to their overall parenting style. Regardless of the situation at hand, BPD moms aren't so much about doing the "right" thing---but the "right" thing for them personally in any given moment. BPD moms fall into four general subtypes: the queen, the witch, the waif, and the hermit. One of the greatest books written on this topic of BPD moms is "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine Lawson. It's a classic. I have used it to help adult children of BPD moms to realize how what happened to them was NOT their fault. If there was ever a group who was into transmitting their own pain to others rather than being transformed by it into better people---it's the BPD parent.
The original book written way back when on BPD is called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" by Jerold Kreisman. Talk about a title that says it all! I have seen Borderlines basically shut their eyes to serious dysfunctions present within their child(ren)...so long as the child(ren) involved never leave(s) home. How sick is that? Well, not so much for the Borderline. Remember, Borderlines are all about THEIR OWN perception of personal safety and self-preservation. So what if Johnny is a drug-addicted alcoholic since he was 15 years old? So long as he's never left home (now that he's 50!) and is at mama's beckoned call 24/7...it's all good.
Borderlines are fascinating to the same extent that they are maddening. Their thinking and behavior typically defies logic because they have no clue who they authentically are deep down inside. Borderlines typically complain of feeling "empty" without someone "there" to play "g"od for them in their lives. Spiritually speaking, Borderlines are on a constant search for that person who will function as their "g"od in life. On the other hand, Borderlines can themselves play "g"od very easily in the lives of others as well---especially their own child(ren). The problem here is that they are constantly disappointed...and disappointing---which makes their pathology more pronounced when left undiagnosed and untreated over time.
Treating BPD successfully is possible, but it is hard work and requires that the BPDer be strongly committed to his or her own healing process. I've mentioned two books here to get one started on finding out more about BPD. Another great book is "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Paul Mason and Randi Krieger, which is focused on assisting those who have a BPD loved one.
Ultimately, BPDers have had a very rough life; the only problem is that they keep spreading their woundedness around to others like it's their job. Spreading one's pain around to others like literal poop is never a good idea. The goal should be to get authentically better as a person and break the legacy of dysfunction handed down from past generations...
If you suspect that you may struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder, feel free to give me a call when you are ready so we can do the good work of healing, positive change, and growth.