A friend of mine passed away last Thursday. She had just turned 65 years old in August and was full of life. She had even written an autobiography a few years back and was working on its screenplay with her California connections. A bright, bubbly, and stunning redhead, my friend Bobbi also had a song written about her entitled what else but "Bobbi's Song".
Death and dying is one of those topics we humans are pretty good at avoiding altogether unless we are forced to. In past posts I have talked about the importance of thinking about one's own thinking in order to heal, make positive changes, and grow as a person. Nobody wants to hear their own doctor say "I'm sorry; we've done all we can for you and there is nothing more we can do." On the other hand, knowing our death is imminent can certainly give us a window of opportunity to say what we need to say to those we love and care about before we are taken.
Fear of death is one of the "big three" core fears all humanity must face and make peace with. The other two are "fear of abandonment" and "fear of engulfment". Many assume that a fear of death is not an issue for those who believe in God and the afterlife. Although it sounds good, the reality is there are MANY "believers" who are just as afraid of death as their non-believer counterparts. Just because someone shows up every week at their church,mosque, or temple does NOT mean that they have made true peace with their own God about their own death.
Thankfully, my friend Bobbi knew our Lord personally and came to accept her fate during the three weeks before she was no longer able to speak to anyone anymore. During those three weeks, Bobbi talked to a whole lot of people from her past and present who called and/or came to see her. She marveled at the flowers that kept being delivered to her hospital room; "I can't believe I got flowers from Al..we worked together at XXX over 30 years ago!" Well, Bobbi...that's why we are all grateful for the existence of Facebook my dear. Without it, there would still be many all across this country who had no idea you were sick in the first place. The posts on Bobbi's facebook page generated many phone calls to Bobbi's hospital bed that she was so happy to receive. In spite of all the ways we moan about social media taking over the world, I for one am extremely grateful it is here. Nobody knew beforehand that Bobbi would stop speaking altogether a week before she passed; every conversation she had before then, no matter how short or how long, was a precious one.
In spite of being in the midst of her own divine appointment that was coming at any time, Bobbi still managed to look past her immediate circumstances and demonstrate the love she had in her heart for those around her. It was a beautiful thing to witness, it truly was. Of course there were those visitors who were "afraid" to see Bobbi for whatever reasons. My two cents on that topic is and will remain "Get over yourself! This isn't about you; it's about showing your love to her before she leaves here for good!" I know, perhaps I should be kinder and gentler as a bona-fide psychotherapist, but really?! When someone is sick, when someone is in the hospital, when someone is terminal...this is NOT the time to think about how YOU are going to feel when you lay eyes on them. Newsflash! Love trumps all when love remains our focus in these types of circumstances. I could go on about this forever, but I won't. Actually, I feel very sorry for these people who are so afraid to even be in the same room with anyone who is sick or dying. Your turn is coming too; we are all terminal. I also think about how if ever there was a time to "think about your own thinking" re: "what happens when I die?"...this would be one of those times to start examining that topic! Whether you believe in a Higher Power or not, it's somewhat circular to live your life in fear about something that is going to happen to you one day whether you like it or not. Remember, surrender IS that small space between acceptance and change...
To be actively dying does not mean that we lose our humanity. We suddenly don't become objects to gaze upon with fear, morbid curiosity, or regrets. Even when we are comatose, our ears can still hear and we can still understand what is being spoken around us. For Bobbi, God brought her a steady stream of angels working around the clock to ensure that she was rarely alone during her entire hospitalization and hospice stays. That was one thing Bobbi didn't want to experience in life as well at the time of her exact death: to be left alone "here" feeling abandoned. God certainly knew this as well; her last morning of life was spent with a dear friend who prayed and read Scripture to her until she exhaled her last breath here on earth---and inhaled her first breath in the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ.
It is never easy to talk about death, but I am doing so now so as to honor the life and memory of my friend Bobbi who I KNOW I will again see one day.
Death and dying is one of those topics we humans are pretty good at avoiding altogether unless we are forced to. In past posts I have talked about the importance of thinking about one's own thinking in order to heal, make positive changes, and grow as a person. Nobody wants to hear their own doctor say "I'm sorry; we've done all we can for you and there is nothing more we can do." On the other hand, knowing our death is imminent can certainly give us a window of opportunity to say what we need to say to those we love and care about before we are taken.
Fear of death is one of the "big three" core fears all humanity must face and make peace with. The other two are "fear of abandonment" and "fear of engulfment". Many assume that a fear of death is not an issue for those who believe in God and the afterlife. Although it sounds good, the reality is there are MANY "believers" who are just as afraid of death as their non-believer counterparts. Just because someone shows up every week at their church,mosque, or temple does NOT mean that they have made true peace with their own God about their own death.
Thankfully, my friend Bobbi knew our Lord personally and came to accept her fate during the three weeks before she was no longer able to speak to anyone anymore. During those three weeks, Bobbi talked to a whole lot of people from her past and present who called and/or came to see her. She marveled at the flowers that kept being delivered to her hospital room; "I can't believe I got flowers from Al..we worked together at XXX over 30 years ago!" Well, Bobbi...that's why we are all grateful for the existence of Facebook my dear. Without it, there would still be many all across this country who had no idea you were sick in the first place. The posts on Bobbi's facebook page generated many phone calls to Bobbi's hospital bed that she was so happy to receive. In spite of all the ways we moan about social media taking over the world, I for one am extremely grateful it is here. Nobody knew beforehand that Bobbi would stop speaking altogether a week before she passed; every conversation she had before then, no matter how short or how long, was a precious one.
In spite of being in the midst of her own divine appointment that was coming at any time, Bobbi still managed to look past her immediate circumstances and demonstrate the love she had in her heart for those around her. It was a beautiful thing to witness, it truly was. Of course there were those visitors who were "afraid" to see Bobbi for whatever reasons. My two cents on that topic is and will remain "Get over yourself! This isn't about you; it's about showing your love to her before she leaves here for good!" I know, perhaps I should be kinder and gentler as a bona-fide psychotherapist, but really?! When someone is sick, when someone is in the hospital, when someone is terminal...this is NOT the time to think about how YOU are going to feel when you lay eyes on them. Newsflash! Love trumps all when love remains our focus in these types of circumstances. I could go on about this forever, but I won't. Actually, I feel very sorry for these people who are so afraid to even be in the same room with anyone who is sick or dying. Your turn is coming too; we are all terminal. I also think about how if ever there was a time to "think about your own thinking" re: "what happens when I die?"...this would be one of those times to start examining that topic! Whether you believe in a Higher Power or not, it's somewhat circular to live your life in fear about something that is going to happen to you one day whether you like it or not. Remember, surrender IS that small space between acceptance and change...
To be actively dying does not mean that we lose our humanity. We suddenly don't become objects to gaze upon with fear, morbid curiosity, or regrets. Even when we are comatose, our ears can still hear and we can still understand what is being spoken around us. For Bobbi, God brought her a steady stream of angels working around the clock to ensure that she was rarely alone during her entire hospitalization and hospice stays. That was one thing Bobbi didn't want to experience in life as well at the time of her exact death: to be left alone "here" feeling abandoned. God certainly knew this as well; her last morning of life was spent with a dear friend who prayed and read Scripture to her until she exhaled her last breath here on earth---and inhaled her first breath in the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ.
It is never easy to talk about death, but I am doing so now so as to honor the life and memory of my friend Bobbi who I KNOW I will again see one day.