Just the other day I was speaking with a young lady who had come to see me because her parents believe she has a drinking problem. She disagrees with them of course, as most young ladies of her age would do. Instead, she told me that marijuana was her preferred drug of choice and she could quit that too anytime she liked. If I had a nickel for every time I have heard these words in the context of a psychotherapy session, I could have retired many years ago. Instead, I am still here and still attempting to inspire clients who don't believe that the "addiction cycle" would or could ever pertain to them. Today's blog post is about the addiction cycle and why it pertains to all of us...and not just those who get "busted" and then forced into therapy with someone like me...
In order to break a cycle, we have to understand it. We all are creatures of habit as human beings and we all struggle with some form or another of addictive thinking and behavior. People can be addicted to anything; it's just that we don't publicly acknowledge our "addiction" to things like the outdoors, hunting, old movies, books, or football. By understanding the addiction cycle and how it progresses from a "thing" that provides us with short-term gratification to a "thing" that can control our lives in a way we never imagined or expected--nobody will know whether they are "addicted" or not until they know what "addicted" actually looks like. So here we go...
1. Short-term gratification
We discover something that when we do it...or when we eat it...or when we drink it...or when we smoke/snort/inject it....we "feel" better. That's all. We feel better. Sometimes the type of better that we feel is more calm...or more relaxed...or more focused...or more energized. Whatever "it" is that we were hoping to feel, that thing we have used or done has worked. And we like the fact that it worked.
2. Long-term pain
After the thing we have done or used has worn off, we are back to feeling as we usually do. Sometimes we even feel worse because the thing we have done or used worked really well (we thought!) and now here we are back to feeling "blah" (at the very least!)..or worse. Our long-term pain, in other words, is back and didn't truly vanish for good. We're stuck with our long-term pain. Unless....
3. Addictive Thinking
Unless maybe we do or use (again!) whatever it is we discovered that works to make us feel better. We find ourselves beginning to obsess about that process or substance (or both!) that seems to work pretty quickly when we need to feel good again. We also find ourselves having irrational cravings or urges for "it" that don't make real sense (I know I could study better at the library today for finals so long as someone can front me a reggie (aka "get me a marijuana cigarette"). "If I just get over to Barnes & Noble and have me a piece of The Cheesecake Factory with a latte, that'll work!" "If I can just veg in front of the t.v. tonite with some wine, I'll be fine..."
Our addictive thinking leads us to a place of focusing in on how we are going to "treat" our own painful feelings without anyone else knowing what we are up to.
4. Increased Tolerance
Of course, feeling "good" like we did the very first time we did or used what we did or used to feel better doesn't work for very long. We need to do more of it....or use more of it...in order to get that same level of "Yeah, I feel good now." A five ounce glass of wine after work just doesn't seem to work as well as a half bottle. Watching one football game on Saturday afternoon doesn't seem to work quite as well as football everytime the t.v. set is turned on. Whatever it is we have discovered to do or use to make ourselves feel better fast....now we need "more" of it for the same effect.
5. Loss of Control
At some point, others begin to see what you can't or won't see yourself. "Gee Larry, it seems like your nose is always twitching along with your eyes; have you noticed that lately?" "Mom...you have been to the casino every day this week; don't you think it's getting to be a bit much?" "So what if it's my third MIP...I'm a victim of circumstance!" At this point in the cycle, others are noticing how your "real life" is being adversely affected by that thing you are doing...or ingesting. What it all adds up to are one or more losses that you may ultimately choose to ignore or acknowledge. When you choose to acknowledge your loss(es) in whatever form(s) they take, then and only then will you be ready to choose the first step towards sobriety and a recovery-based lifestyle. Which, by the way, is to acknowledge how that "thing" (whatever it is) is now in control of you...rather than you being in control of it.
Funny how things tend to come full circle in so many many cases.
Until next time...
In order to break a cycle, we have to understand it. We all are creatures of habit as human beings and we all struggle with some form or another of addictive thinking and behavior. People can be addicted to anything; it's just that we don't publicly acknowledge our "addiction" to things like the outdoors, hunting, old movies, books, or football. By understanding the addiction cycle and how it progresses from a "thing" that provides us with short-term gratification to a "thing" that can control our lives in a way we never imagined or expected--nobody will know whether they are "addicted" or not until they know what "addicted" actually looks like. So here we go...
1. Short-term gratification
We discover something that when we do it...or when we eat it...or when we drink it...or when we smoke/snort/inject it....we "feel" better. That's all. We feel better. Sometimes the type of better that we feel is more calm...or more relaxed...or more focused...or more energized. Whatever "it" is that we were hoping to feel, that thing we have used or done has worked. And we like the fact that it worked.
2. Long-term pain
After the thing we have done or used has worn off, we are back to feeling as we usually do. Sometimes we even feel worse because the thing we have done or used worked really well (we thought!) and now here we are back to feeling "blah" (at the very least!)..or worse. Our long-term pain, in other words, is back and didn't truly vanish for good. We're stuck with our long-term pain. Unless....
3. Addictive Thinking
Unless maybe we do or use (again!) whatever it is we discovered that works to make us feel better. We find ourselves beginning to obsess about that process or substance (or both!) that seems to work pretty quickly when we need to feel good again. We also find ourselves having irrational cravings or urges for "it" that don't make real sense (I know I could study better at the library today for finals so long as someone can front me a reggie (aka "get me a marijuana cigarette"). "If I just get over to Barnes & Noble and have me a piece of The Cheesecake Factory with a latte, that'll work!" "If I can just veg in front of the t.v. tonite with some wine, I'll be fine..."
Our addictive thinking leads us to a place of focusing in on how we are going to "treat" our own painful feelings without anyone else knowing what we are up to.
4. Increased Tolerance
Of course, feeling "good" like we did the very first time we did or used what we did or used to feel better doesn't work for very long. We need to do more of it....or use more of it...in order to get that same level of "Yeah, I feel good now." A five ounce glass of wine after work just doesn't seem to work as well as a half bottle. Watching one football game on Saturday afternoon doesn't seem to work quite as well as football everytime the t.v. set is turned on. Whatever it is we have discovered to do or use to make ourselves feel better fast....now we need "more" of it for the same effect.
5. Loss of Control
At some point, others begin to see what you can't or won't see yourself. "Gee Larry, it seems like your nose is always twitching along with your eyes; have you noticed that lately?" "Mom...you have been to the casino every day this week; don't you think it's getting to be a bit much?" "So what if it's my third MIP...I'm a victim of circumstance!" At this point in the cycle, others are noticing how your "real life" is being adversely affected by that thing you are doing...or ingesting. What it all adds up to are one or more losses that you may ultimately choose to ignore or acknowledge. When you choose to acknowledge your loss(es) in whatever form(s) they take, then and only then will you be ready to choose the first step towards sobriety and a recovery-based lifestyle. Which, by the way, is to acknowledge how that "thing" (whatever it is) is now in control of you...rather than you being in control of it.
Funny how things tend to come full circle in so many many cases.
Until next time...