You know the feeling when someone you care about is engaging in repetitive patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving which make you just want to scream out "OMG STOP!!"? We all do. Don't lie. WE. ALL. DO!
I don't know what it is about the new year, but so far this year, my office has been inundated with clients who have REALLY felt the pinch of someone else's hurtful and/or harmful behaviors. Of course, it's easier to notice this than it is to notice the "pinches" we are causing others just saying! By the way, when we keep noticing what others do to hurt or harm us---that's called an "Up Periscope" mentality. Like a submarine's periscope, we notice anything and everything anybody else does which affects us personally, yet we don't notice so much about what we are doing to hurt or harm him/her or them....
I just got a call yesterday, as a matter of fact, from a man who claimed to be in the middle of an "emergency crisis!" Okay, this isn't my first rodeo I know how to manage that sort of thing. As he started telling me everything his wife did the night before, he ended by asking me if he could see me yesterday. No, he could not my day was booked solid. Then, as if suddenly on a dime, he said "Well, if you can't see me today, forget it!" and he hung up. Okay then! Listen, anyone who has worked in my field for more than a month knows this happens every now and then. However, when we get "those" calls....I know I have always wondered what the partner or child(ren) or extended family of this type of person fare when other "emergency crisis!" moments occur in the life of that particular loved one! In essence, this man who called me yesterday clearly communicated to me, "Either help me right now or forget it!" Well, last time I checked I am not an emergency room nor am I Jesus Christ....so good luck to him (or her!) who thinks they can find that without actually going to an emergency room---or to Jesus Christ---for the "right now right away!" intervention they are seeking.
For this man, who was clearly experiencing an emotional storm...before he hung up on me I was able to give him a couple of suggestions about what to do "right now" to secure his and his family's safety in light of his partner's recent actions. He clearly knew to pursue these same actions as he responded to me by saying "I know I have to do that..", but why he didn't do these things by the time he contacted me I have no idea. And therein lies the rub. We inherently know, so much of the time, what is the RIGHT thing to do in the circumstance we find ourselves in....but we still hesitate to actually go ahead and do it. How many other opinions do we need before we actually "do" what it is we already know is the proper course of action? Don't misunderstand me, I pretty much know why...but that's another topic for another blog post. All I do know is that this "Help Now!" and yet "No, I Can't Do That Yet!" stuff is the perfect storm for our "OMG STOP!" reactions to it when we hear it...
So----the next time you find yourself hearing "OMG STOP!" because of what you are communicating or doing that is frustrating to others, consider giving someone like myself a call. We can help you. Or, if you find yourself burned out by all the "OMG STOP!" moments you experience with one or more others in your life...same recommendation applies.
It is true that we all choose how much truth we can stand...but at the same time, why are we allowing the same dysfunctional patterns we choose or witness to stick around like glue? Maybe this IS the year you will turn that trend around in your own life once and for all..
Until next post!
I don't know what it is about the new year, but so far this year, my office has been inundated with clients who have REALLY felt the pinch of someone else's hurtful and/or harmful behaviors. Of course, it's easier to notice this than it is to notice the "pinches" we are causing others just saying! By the way, when we keep noticing what others do to hurt or harm us---that's called an "Up Periscope" mentality. Like a submarine's periscope, we notice anything and everything anybody else does which affects us personally, yet we don't notice so much about what we are doing to hurt or harm him/her or them....
I just got a call yesterday, as a matter of fact, from a man who claimed to be in the middle of an "emergency crisis!" Okay, this isn't my first rodeo I know how to manage that sort of thing. As he started telling me everything his wife did the night before, he ended by asking me if he could see me yesterday. No, he could not my day was booked solid. Then, as if suddenly on a dime, he said "Well, if you can't see me today, forget it!" and he hung up. Okay then! Listen, anyone who has worked in my field for more than a month knows this happens every now and then. However, when we get "those" calls....I know I have always wondered what the partner or child(ren) or extended family of this type of person fare when other "emergency crisis!" moments occur in the life of that particular loved one! In essence, this man who called me yesterday clearly communicated to me, "Either help me right now or forget it!" Well, last time I checked I am not an emergency room nor am I Jesus Christ....so good luck to him (or her!) who thinks they can find that without actually going to an emergency room---or to Jesus Christ---for the "right now right away!" intervention they are seeking.
For this man, who was clearly experiencing an emotional storm...before he hung up on me I was able to give him a couple of suggestions about what to do "right now" to secure his and his family's safety in light of his partner's recent actions. He clearly knew to pursue these same actions as he responded to me by saying "I know I have to do that..", but why he didn't do these things by the time he contacted me I have no idea. And therein lies the rub. We inherently know, so much of the time, what is the RIGHT thing to do in the circumstance we find ourselves in....but we still hesitate to actually go ahead and do it. How many other opinions do we need before we actually "do" what it is we already know is the proper course of action? Don't misunderstand me, I pretty much know why...but that's another topic for another blog post. All I do know is that this "Help Now!" and yet "No, I Can't Do That Yet!" stuff is the perfect storm for our "OMG STOP!" reactions to it when we hear it...
So----the next time you find yourself hearing "OMG STOP!" because of what you are communicating or doing that is frustrating to others, consider giving someone like myself a call. We can help you. Or, if you find yourself burned out by all the "OMG STOP!" moments you experience with one or more others in your life...same recommendation applies.
It is true that we all choose how much truth we can stand...but at the same time, why are we allowing the same dysfunctional patterns we choose or witness to stick around like glue? Maybe this IS the year you will turn that trend around in your own life once and for all..
Until next post!