Yes ladies (and gentlemen!), this is the post. When you are involved with a man who cannot, will not, and does not "step up" as you expect and hope they would. First, can I say that you need to watch our two most recent YouTube videos on codependency to understand the "basic" foundational truths as to why this is. I will link them to my blog here after I finish this post (because, as you know, I am not "that" cyber savvy yet!)….
So, what's up when you love, care for, and/or are pining over a man who behaves like he's not as "into" you as he once was? Or worse...that he's actually become more elusive, more moody, and/or more DIS-interested in connecting with you on an emotional/spiritual/physical basis than what was true XX weeks/months/years ago?
OK...here's your first noble truth: If anyone treats you like you don't matter, believe them, because you don't! Texting doesn't count...and neither does any sort of "not live and in person" communication. When any "relationship" is more electronic in nature, for all you know that other person could have a photograph of J Lo in front of them as they are "talking" at you and/or doing whatever else. LOL
Why we women go on these personal campaigns to "prove" to ourselves that we can "win back" the man who has dumped us---or lost interest in us---or betrayed us---or otherwise neglected us is anyone's best guess. Believe me, your "attention" and your "love" is NOT going to transform a horse's ass into a hero! It just won't! Rarely, it might...but that involves a major spiritual transformation on the part of the man involved. It doesn't just "happen" because you are the best and most loving and caring woman ever. Not even if you are or were the best and most loving an caring woman ever that they have EVER KNOWN!
When we spoke on codependency in our videos, we talked about the codependent "taker" mentality. These are the people whose motives for "taking" primarily involve the need to feel POWER, PLEASURE, and AVOIDANCE OF RESPONSIBILITY. Now, do you get it? These codependent "taker" men can't, won't, and don't step up (for you!) because they don't WANT to! Too much work! Not interested! They are just not that into you now...even though they might have been for a time in the past. Don't let current reality confuse you. You can't unring those bells. You can't "make it like it was" (shout out to Regina Belle! LOL!) The horse is dead now. Quit trying to ride it. Time to get off. Time to dismount!
I am reminded of a family I worked with years ago where ALL the women did ALL the sacrificing for the men in that family. Which meant dad, brothers, uncles, grandpa...the works. The men presented like a bunch of overgrown Peter Pans; unpredictable, unreliable, and unfortunate. While the women presented like a caravan of EMTs! Always available, always ready to serve in an "emergency", and always willing to get messy besides. And then we wonder how the young girls and boys in such a family end up repeating these patterns in their own adult lives? Uh, shouldn't be such a surprise folks!
Remember when I have said that people need to treat each other as true EQUALS from the get go of "any" new or developing relationship? It's T.R.U.E.!!! When you don't treat yourself well enough, how can you expect anybody else to? DOH! When you are so willing to sacrificially give yourself over to someone (anyone!) who gives you a second glance---what message is THAT sending to the "object" of your desire? Not a good one, I can tell you that right now!
Men who can't, won't, and don't step up for you---have their eyeballs firmly focused elsewhere. Predictably on their own "next" object of desire, which isn't you by the way. They're over and out (with you, that is!) Get the clue and let him go. He's not worth you. He probably never was. Unless you are into pain like that. Then, sadly, you kind of are getting what you deserve.
Not that I'm into S&M mind you...but ask yourself if you are!
Until next time..
;-)
So, what's up when you love, care for, and/or are pining over a man who behaves like he's not as "into" you as he once was? Or worse...that he's actually become more elusive, more moody, and/or more DIS-interested in connecting with you on an emotional/spiritual/physical basis than what was true XX weeks/months/years ago?
OK...here's your first noble truth: If anyone treats you like you don't matter, believe them, because you don't! Texting doesn't count...and neither does any sort of "not live and in person" communication. When any "relationship" is more electronic in nature, for all you know that other person could have a photograph of J Lo in front of them as they are "talking" at you and/or doing whatever else. LOL
Why we women go on these personal campaigns to "prove" to ourselves that we can "win back" the man who has dumped us---or lost interest in us---or betrayed us---or otherwise neglected us is anyone's best guess. Believe me, your "attention" and your "love" is NOT going to transform a horse's ass into a hero! It just won't! Rarely, it might...but that involves a major spiritual transformation on the part of the man involved. It doesn't just "happen" because you are the best and most loving and caring woman ever. Not even if you are or were the best and most loving an caring woman ever that they have EVER KNOWN!
When we spoke on codependency in our videos, we talked about the codependent "taker" mentality. These are the people whose motives for "taking" primarily involve the need to feel POWER, PLEASURE, and AVOIDANCE OF RESPONSIBILITY. Now, do you get it? These codependent "taker" men can't, won't, and don't step up (for you!) because they don't WANT to! Too much work! Not interested! They are just not that into you now...even though they might have been for a time in the past. Don't let current reality confuse you. You can't unring those bells. You can't "make it like it was" (shout out to Regina Belle! LOL!) The horse is dead now. Quit trying to ride it. Time to get off. Time to dismount!
I am reminded of a family I worked with years ago where ALL the women did ALL the sacrificing for the men in that family. Which meant dad, brothers, uncles, grandpa...the works. The men presented like a bunch of overgrown Peter Pans; unpredictable, unreliable, and unfortunate. While the women presented like a caravan of EMTs! Always available, always ready to serve in an "emergency", and always willing to get messy besides. And then we wonder how the young girls and boys in such a family end up repeating these patterns in their own adult lives? Uh, shouldn't be such a surprise folks!
Remember when I have said that people need to treat each other as true EQUALS from the get go of "any" new or developing relationship? It's T.R.U.E.!!! When you don't treat yourself well enough, how can you expect anybody else to? DOH! When you are so willing to sacrificially give yourself over to someone (anyone!) who gives you a second glance---what message is THAT sending to the "object" of your desire? Not a good one, I can tell you that right now!
Men who can't, won't, and don't step up for you---have their eyeballs firmly focused elsewhere. Predictably on their own "next" object of desire, which isn't you by the way. They're over and out (with you, that is!) Get the clue and let him go. He's not worth you. He probably never was. Unless you are into pain like that. Then, sadly, you kind of are getting what you deserve.
Not that I'm into S&M mind you...but ask yourself if you are!
Until next time..
;-)