The first two of the Top Five Dysfunctions we struggle with as human beings has to do with the codependent trap lifestyle, and living in denial about our true character. This post, I present the remaining three of the TFDs for your review and consideration...
3. Ignoring Your Own "Life Lessons"!
Our lives and our life's experiences are a series of blessings...and a series of lessons. Period. If we are unwilling, unable, or uninterested in recognizing the lessons from our past, we are somewhat doomed to repeat the same mistakes made back then which led and lead now to the same lessons still waiting to be recognized now in the present. Remember that nothing is new under the sun. It all happened before, regardless of it was during the 1st century or the 21st century. People are capable of great good AND great evil. Until we learn our own lessons, we won't. We will merely stop, rewind, and repeat all the dysfunction we learned from back then in our own lives now...and in the future. Interrupt these dysfunctional patterns in your own life for once..and for good.
Learn your lessons....
4. Practice Healthier Coping! (Postive Self-Care)
We treat ourselves badly when we choose unhealthy and dysfunctional coping in our attempts to feel better quickly or "appear" better to the outside world. Whatever it is we are doing to cope that is dysfunctional, it WILL catch up to us sooner or later. We can't keep running away from discussing difficult subject matter and believe "It'll be fine!" sooner or later just because time passes by. Avoiding conflict of any kind is, in fact, its own coping pattern...and not a very healthy one at that. Whatever we do in this way prevents us from experiencing true intimacy with other people. Foundational here is our own lack of trust in others. We don't trust people, so we don't share deeply with people. It's a sad way to live. Besides avoiding conflict, we may choose lying, manipulation, isolation, creating drama, being a control freak, being overly compliant...all SORTS of "relational styles" that are unhealthy and dysfunctional so as to "cope" when our own going gets rough. Not good.
In my practice, this is a HUGE issue for the vast majority of my clients. We are all just used to...what we are used to. Making positive changes when it comes to our own self-care on a daily basis often APPEARS to be too tall an order to fill. Yet it isn't once we change direction and take that first step in a righter direction. I promise. Seek out help for this if you struggle. How do you think people end up dead prematurely anyway? All that drinking, vaping, smoking, over-eating or under-eating, being "upset" so much of the time, avoiding doctors like the plague (or the dentist for that matter!)...this sh** catches up to us! Stop the madness puleeze! Start taking better care of yourself; you are worth it even if you don't believe you are in this moment!
5. Get Your Spiritual Life and Reality in Order!
This should actually be first on my list, and not last. But in this case, I truly saved the best for last. If you don't know that you are as much "spirit" as you are mind and body...it's no wonder why you struggle as much as you have been. We are, all of us, Mind, Body, and Spirit. Or as I have heard others put it, "Body", "Ego", and "Spirit". One of the great truths in this regard is that whatever we do and focus on to FEEL good...that's for the point of serving our own bodies. Whatever we do and focus on to LOOK good...that's for the point of serving our own egos. And whatever we do and focus on to DO good (what's "right")….that's for the point of serving our own spirit (whether that is for it's own sake...or in service to God as we perceive God).
I get it. We live in an age where people are afraid to mention the "g" word because everyone has his or her beliefs, attitudes, and opinions about God and whether or not God exists. Yeah...and??? Figure it out....and then live it out instead of being consistently "confused" about it---or blowing it off altogether.
Ultimately we all need to understand where our own true hope, peace, and joy comes from in general...and when we are living in the midst of adversity. If you truly believe you can obtain genuine peace from believing that this earthly existence is a figment of our collective imagination as humans...then there you go! An important aspect of your own spiritual world view has just been identified for yourself. Once you identify who you believe you are on a spiritual level, practicing your spirituality is what puts hands and feet on your beliefs. If you have no idea how to begin this aspect of your healing journey, that's what books, seminars, podcasts, and television shows are for. Explore your options. By the way, being "religious" is NOT the same as being spiritual. Just saying. Anybody can religiously "do" something and it doesn't mean squat if their spirit is basically asleep and/or thoroughly corrupted by malevolent influences. Please don't confuse "Oh geez now I have to attend church?!" with getting your spiritual life and reality in order. In this example, "church" is not a place where the magic happens and zappo suddenly you are a "good" Christian by having attended. Hardly. Your spiritual world view and beliefs are reflected in how you lead your day-to-day life and the choices you make. Remember "do right" as a focus here...to feed your spirit/your spirit in service to the God you believe in....
Happy 2020...may you find healing, positive change, and personal growth in this year ahead!
...until next post!
3. Ignoring Your Own "Life Lessons"!
Our lives and our life's experiences are a series of blessings...and a series of lessons. Period. If we are unwilling, unable, or uninterested in recognizing the lessons from our past, we are somewhat doomed to repeat the same mistakes made back then which led and lead now to the same lessons still waiting to be recognized now in the present. Remember that nothing is new under the sun. It all happened before, regardless of it was during the 1st century or the 21st century. People are capable of great good AND great evil. Until we learn our own lessons, we won't. We will merely stop, rewind, and repeat all the dysfunction we learned from back then in our own lives now...and in the future. Interrupt these dysfunctional patterns in your own life for once..and for good.
Learn your lessons....
4. Practice Healthier Coping! (Postive Self-Care)
We treat ourselves badly when we choose unhealthy and dysfunctional coping in our attempts to feel better quickly or "appear" better to the outside world. Whatever it is we are doing to cope that is dysfunctional, it WILL catch up to us sooner or later. We can't keep running away from discussing difficult subject matter and believe "It'll be fine!" sooner or later just because time passes by. Avoiding conflict of any kind is, in fact, its own coping pattern...and not a very healthy one at that. Whatever we do in this way prevents us from experiencing true intimacy with other people. Foundational here is our own lack of trust in others. We don't trust people, so we don't share deeply with people. It's a sad way to live. Besides avoiding conflict, we may choose lying, manipulation, isolation, creating drama, being a control freak, being overly compliant...all SORTS of "relational styles" that are unhealthy and dysfunctional so as to "cope" when our own going gets rough. Not good.
In my practice, this is a HUGE issue for the vast majority of my clients. We are all just used to...what we are used to. Making positive changes when it comes to our own self-care on a daily basis often APPEARS to be too tall an order to fill. Yet it isn't once we change direction and take that first step in a righter direction. I promise. Seek out help for this if you struggle. How do you think people end up dead prematurely anyway? All that drinking, vaping, smoking, over-eating or under-eating, being "upset" so much of the time, avoiding doctors like the plague (or the dentist for that matter!)...this sh** catches up to us! Stop the madness puleeze! Start taking better care of yourself; you are worth it even if you don't believe you are in this moment!
5. Get Your Spiritual Life and Reality in Order!
This should actually be first on my list, and not last. But in this case, I truly saved the best for last. If you don't know that you are as much "spirit" as you are mind and body...it's no wonder why you struggle as much as you have been. We are, all of us, Mind, Body, and Spirit. Or as I have heard others put it, "Body", "Ego", and "Spirit". One of the great truths in this regard is that whatever we do and focus on to FEEL good...that's for the point of serving our own bodies. Whatever we do and focus on to LOOK good...that's for the point of serving our own egos. And whatever we do and focus on to DO good (what's "right")….that's for the point of serving our own spirit (whether that is for it's own sake...or in service to God as we perceive God).
I get it. We live in an age where people are afraid to mention the "g" word because everyone has his or her beliefs, attitudes, and opinions about God and whether or not God exists. Yeah...and??? Figure it out....and then live it out instead of being consistently "confused" about it---or blowing it off altogether.
Ultimately we all need to understand where our own true hope, peace, and joy comes from in general...and when we are living in the midst of adversity. If you truly believe you can obtain genuine peace from believing that this earthly existence is a figment of our collective imagination as humans...then there you go! An important aspect of your own spiritual world view has just been identified for yourself. Once you identify who you believe you are on a spiritual level, practicing your spirituality is what puts hands and feet on your beliefs. If you have no idea how to begin this aspect of your healing journey, that's what books, seminars, podcasts, and television shows are for. Explore your options. By the way, being "religious" is NOT the same as being spiritual. Just saying. Anybody can religiously "do" something and it doesn't mean squat if their spirit is basically asleep and/or thoroughly corrupted by malevolent influences. Please don't confuse "Oh geez now I have to attend church?!" with getting your spiritual life and reality in order. In this example, "church" is not a place where the magic happens and zappo suddenly you are a "good" Christian by having attended. Hardly. Your spiritual world view and beliefs are reflected in how you lead your day-to-day life and the choices you make. Remember "do right" as a focus here...to feed your spirit/your spirit in service to the God you believe in....
Happy 2020...may you find healing, positive change, and personal growth in this year ahead!
...until next post!