Yep, Deja was a trip. Somehow she survived our junior high school and made it over to our next stop, the local high school. She graduated from it too, just like the rest of us. I don't think I ever saw her at all from 10th-12th grades. I wonder if she voted for me when I was nominated Class President. Doubtful.
I never forgot about Deja and that anger of hers. She lived on the same street as another childhood classmate of mine; however, word on the street was that Deja's family kept to themselves. When I found out who Deja's younger sister was, I could hardly believe they were related. They looked nothing alike in every sense of the word, and Deja's sister didn't seem to share Deja's anger problem. There was a younger brother too, but I never laid eyes on him. I know the family was close to being the same nationality as my own; thank the LORD they didn't attend the same church we did or I would have been totally mortified! It was bad enough watching Deja be angry and strange in school; even worse if I had to talk to her or her family at church besides!
Yeah, that was my typical mindset back all those decades ago when I was basically forced to see people in school that I could care less about in my own "real" life. As Deja was a target of bullying (as I was myself!), she exacerbated her problem by being a nasty and bitchy person generally speaking. At least I was funny. Also, she was fugly in both directions: inside out and outside in. I wasn't fugly, but my classmates didn't realize that until much later in our lives. Of course, I could be angry, resentful, and bitter too as Deja was---but I reserved those feelings primarily towards my parents and other "adult" relatives.
When we were planning our ten year reunion from high school, we sent out invitations to everyone from our class. Deja was the only person to send our planning committee a letter in response to our reunion invite. She made quite clear how horrible everyone from our class was to her, how she'd NEVER attend any high school reunion from our class, how she was MARRIED now and HAPPY...so we were best off just leaving her alone.
When I was at church years later, her younger sister came to sing during our morning service. When I approached her afterwards, she told me that Deja was still an angry, resentful, and bitter human. How Deja was still acting nasty, but this time towards her family of origin rather than classmates from junior high and high school. Deja also had kids of her own by that time. This news was very difficult for me to wrap my brain around, but okay she was a mother now too. I could only hope she was better to her own children than she claims we all were to her while growing up.
I don't know what happened to Deja after that. All I know is that when life is hard, you have to change. If you don't, you'll stay stuck in the misery...in the anger...and in the pain that has plagued you for much longer than you realize.
What changes are you resistant about making? Do you still rely on substances to make you comfortably numb? Do you ignore that which you don't feel like doing, even though what you avoid IS your responsibility in the first place? Are you still with your "person" who continues to beat you down in spite of the promises made, but not kept? Are you still feeling misunderstood, misrepresented, and mistaken for the person you said you'd NEVER be like once you yourself grew up into adulthood?
Ironic isn't it how staying angry, and resentful, and bitter does nothing to heal the wounds of your past...or anyone else's? As I've said before, when you keep bleeding onto people who didn't cut you in the first place, that signals that you have a lot of healing work to do. So do it. You certainly can do whatever you purpose and intend to do, beginning today. Instead of doing what is easy and familiar, try doing what challenges you, makes you feel somewhat uncomfortable, but also gives you a new degree of freedom by doing it.
If you haven't heard of Shannon Hoon, he was the lead singer of a band called Blind Melon in the 1990s. The very first song he wrote is called "Change". I am including it here because it has been recognized as somewhat of an anthem for those who need hope in hopeless times like these. The song is now nearly 30 years old. Great songs like this one stay relevant forever. Of course they do. The truth is what always sets us free. Set yourself free. Do the right thing, and do it every day. You are worth it.
When life is hard, you have to change.
Until next post....