I happen to be on a local Next Door app. Generally, it's a decent way to find out what's going on in your immediate neighborhood.....or at least the area surrounding your home and/or office. Others use it to ask questions, not unlike how some other social media platforms operate. "Does anyone know a reputable plumber? We are new to the area!" What I like is a local woman recently started a womens' group for those interested in networking with other ladies from the area. Post covid, I think this idea is and remains genius. Already there are nearly 200 members in the group and there are several gatherings being planned weekly. All it takes is some imagination and the ingenuity to make it happen...and so it has!
Yet---there are also those posts that make you want to go "Hmmmmmmm??!?!?" because they involve the interactions between scammers (con artists) and their pidgeons (that would be you and me!). Some of the posts I have been viewing in recent weeks seem surreal. Reading them reminds me when my aunt would receive unsolicited phone calls from these scammers and then she'd end up saying to the caller, "Guess how old I am?" (Forgetting that he or she couldn't see her face of course!) Then she'd tell the person on the other end of the line how she was 90 years old---and how she "knew" she didn't sound 90 years old---and how she was married for blah blah years to my uncle. Man, if ever there was a strategy to get RID of a phone scammer, she had it down! They usually hung up on her before she did! That was my aunt...always workin' whatever opportunity she found herself unexpectedly thrown into (LOL!).
Unlike my aunt, too many of us these days are willing to throw ourselves under the bus in the name of "convenience". Lately, there have been young people knocking on doors in different neighborhoods selling pest control services, gutter cleaning services, junk hauling, etc. One poor woman posted that she gave one of these people close to a thousand dollars...and is now "surprised" he only did half the work on project #1 before bouncing out of her life for good. I sincerely do not know what she was thinking by agreeing to work with this person who she did NOT know from Adam---but she did. Now if she pursues restitution legally, good luck with the time, effort, and expense it will take to sue him in small claims court---even if a judgment is made in her favor. After all, scammers know one cannot squeeze any dough out of drained and dried up turnips these days!
So why do we do it? Why are we so invested in believing these "too good to be true" sales pitches? I believe, as I started out today's blog post, that the promise of "conveniently" solving our problem quickly is the key. Plus, greed does play a part as well. How can I say that? I can say that because we all struggle with wanting the most for the least personal expenditure to ourselves. Doesn't matter if what we lust after is tangible or intangible; if we can get it for the least effort and/or financial outlay on our part---we will go for it. Sad, but true.
At what cost convenience? Please think about that as you navigate your way through your relationships this year. Why are you still involved with......??? Isn't he the guy---or isn't she the woman----who has made pretty darn sure that YOU primarily "give" more than you "receive" from them as part of your relationship? Listen, this convenience thing cuts both ways. Some of us genuinely believe that it is MORE convenient for us to serve as someone else's "slave" (because there really is no other way to put it!) and/or "martyr" because WE ARE ADDICTED TO BEING "NEEDED" by certain people in certain of our relationships! When we are like this, it IS convenient for us to not have to think about much else other than "WHAT DOES XXXX WANT OR NEED FROM ME TODAY?!?" "HOW CAN I MAKE XXX's LIFE EASIER TODAY BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE CAN DO WHAT I DO FOR XXX!" Oh puleeze!
In the above-mentioned scenario, our addiction to being needed by our chosen "person" or persons of choice can definitely be and become an all-consuming way of life that we don't really even "notice" until we are kicked to the curb! And why would we get kicked to the curb? Because when our "person" or persons find someone else to replace us who does NOT know all their secrets like we do, it IS a very appealing offer to start over again with someone new! Why wouldn't it be? We are talking about that toxic codependent relationship lifestyle at work here after all!
I don't know about you, but after nearly 20 years of watching codependent relationships on blast in my practice---when we pursue a "do over" with a new person (boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, best friend, etc.)...it takes about a year before we "notice" that our new person isn't so perfect after all! :-P
Whether we say anything about what we notice...or not...is of course up to each individual involved. Most do not though. Most keep their mouths shut when they are codependent enough and can actually end up creating a pattern of this curb kicking practice until....until they die!
Yep, it can go that way also!
Needless to say, the next time you are thinking about doing the "easy" thing (which translates into the CONVENIENT thing!)...think about what the cost will be to YOU for just going with the flow when you already know things are JUST NOT RIGHT BETWEEN US in the first place!
No problem ever got solved, ever got resolved, and/or ever got dissolved because nobody did the right thing(s) to change things! Remember, when life is hard, you HAVE to change! Not him...not her..and not that person over there. YOU have to change!
So think about changing your core beliefs about the importance of "convenience" and "doing this the easy way" in your life from this moment on...
Until next post...