It is easy to do this living in oblivion thing. If you have undiagnosed, untreated, or inappropriately treated ADHD...that would be start to help explain this phenomenon. Without making this post about ADHD exclusively, let's just summarize the condition by saying ADHDers are really good at not doing what they genuinely need to be doing in a consistently timely manner. Depending on the subtype of ADHD that a person struggles with, he/she/they might function like a motor that can't be shut off (at one end of the spectrum)---or in a daze (at the other end of the spectrum). So that's that. Hyperactive and/or inattentive, it's easy to be oblivious to reality and especially other people's reality when we can't even do for ourselves what we need to do for ourselves in any given moment and on any given day.
I relate to the condition because I have it myself. I remember those days when I would wake up and "try" getting ready for work as a much-younger person...and I'd be SO MAD when I realized I didn't have clean pantyhose to wear to work....or my hairdryer was broken (although I knew that, I just "forgot"!)....or that I needed cash today but forgot to go to the bank yesterday, etc. etc. etc. When a person is ADHD and doesn't know it or think about it, life can feel very challenging at best to "do" right each and every day. No wonder we choose living in oblivion as our alternate choice. As we see now in 2025 on b-l-a-s-t!
Besides ADHD, it is easy to live in oblivion when we are actively addicted to substances and/or processes that make us feel "good" or "better" or "alive" if only for a short time. I used to walk to our central downtown business district as a little kid to distract myself away from my life at home. For two hours, I remember feeling like I was transported into another world, though I didn't have any money to actually buy anything. Yet I did flood my senses with the sights, sounds, smells, and tactile experiences of walking into (for example) a Kresge's or Federal's department store...and loving it. This would be an example of a process addiction. Having to "do" something in order to feel better than we do presently.
Old people in the casinos, drunks at the bar every day after work, kids skateboarding till midnight during the week, "cruising" wherever whenever for a quick anonymous hookup...these are all examples of process addictions. Oh, and me basically living at my local library also as a kid (on Saturdays) and becoming addicted to reading. Not all process addictions are obviously self-destructive, yet they still take us away from "being here now" and living in our own chosen form of oblivion.
It's when our "issues" have the potential to harm other people that we need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. People who can't see past their own noses of "It really IS all about me feeling good on demand!" need to consider how their own "Me Me Me!" mentality affects the people they claim to love and care about. It is NOT o.k. to roll in this life like everything or anything "good" or "fun" or "amazing" has to be done or pursued on a last-minute kind of basis. When we make this our own form of a process addiction, we really are disrespecting and dismissing all others in pursuit of our own needs' satisfaction. Planning for anything much goes out the window, unless it has to do with getting something or someone we want really badly. How sad is that? Everyone and everything being treated like a means to an end. And if you aren't perceived as being "attention worthy", you're toast!
When our daughter was in elementary school, it seemed like the boys were truly nuanced in this process addiction thing taking the form of desired social interaction with their select peers. I would stand outside the classroom door when school ended, and out would zoom Alex or James or Billy...to ask mom immediately, "Can Joey come home with us to play?!" "Sammy wants to come to our house now for dinner!" etc. etc. Invariably I'd hear moms' responses from "Absolutely not!" to "Well, we have to ask Joey's mom if it's o.k., but if we don't see her to ask, I'm sorry the answer is not today."
Now imagine these same kids grown up without having learned about true equality, mutual respect, and honest communications as a rule rather than an option when it comes to our relationship life. I don't have to; I've known too many of them since they were little kids. Boys who grew into men who run their own lives by the seats of their pants. High risk generally speaking, not much regard for others except who they want to "impress" in the short term, and, of course, oblivious to the impact of their various choices on others. Yes, back to the reality of what living in oblivion looks like up close and personal.
I'm over it. How about you?
Until next post....