The first recorded case of domestic violence leading to death in the Bible involved two brothers. Funny isn't it? Not in a "haha" kind of way...but in the fact that it didn't involve a boyfriend and girlfriend..or a husband and wife...or even a parent and child (as we are so used to hearing and reading about these days). If you are unfamiliar with the story of Cain and Abel....let's just say that Cain was very jealous of the "relationship" he perceived his brother Abel to have with God. Instead of handling his emotional pain in an appropriate way, Cain decided to kill Abel with a rock to the head instead. And we all went downhill from there....
In Hindu culture, domestic violence gets even more dramatic coverage. One of the hindu gods is Ganesh. He started out as a boy who his mother Pavarti birthed in order to guard the door to her apartments. Her husband was Lord Shiva, the hindu god of death and destruction (this isn't looking good you know that right?) who was away at a war. As Ganesh stood guard for his mother, Lord Shiva returned. Ganesh wouldn't let him into his mother's apartments as per her instructions. Lord Shiva was so enraged by Ganesh's impudence, he pulled out his sword and cut off Ganesh's head.
Pavarti emerged to find her son decapitated and herself flew into a rage. Even though he was immensely powerful, Shiva was upset by Pavarti's rage. He swore to make amends by taking the head of the first living thing he found to replace Ganesh's head. The first animal he came across was an elephant. Accordingly, he took the head from the elephant and put it on Ganesh's body. Thus, the hindu god Ganesh is depicted with an elephant head...and human body.
Eat or be eaten. For every abuser, this is one of several core beliefs they adopt as absolutely true in order to "end" any significant conflict they perceive themselves to be...or actually may be...involved in. Instead of viewing any real or imagined problem(s) as solveable, resolveable, or dissolveable...everything rapidly boils down to an "eat or be eaten" mentality. Talk about a hard way to live and function in relationships! "Honey, would you like to watch the football game with me today?" "WHAT YOU $*))@# *$))@( DOYOU THINK I HAVE ALL $*)O# DAY TO WATCH THE $*)# TELEVISION?!" See what I mean? Eat or be eaten.
In the biz of psychology, we often refer to this problem with being "fast to heat up and slow to cool down" as emotional DYSregulation. That's the nice way of putting it. In layman's terms, it's called being abusive and not taking responsibility for it.
Abuse comes in many forms....not all of them "obviously" abusive either which can complicate matters. This is especially true with sexual abusers. Many live and function under the core belief that they are benevolent
"teachers" who are teaching their victims about "love" and/or "the ways of the world" as it relates to sex. Now try adding the extra added dimension of this form of abuse being carried on down through the generations! The father who takes his preteen daughter to R-rated movies without batting an eye. The grandparent who "tickles" a baby grandchild with their tongue. The teenage cousin who uses his younger cousin as "practice" for his future sexual encounters. The ten year old who hears her mom moaning in the bedroom with two men after just meeting them for the first time last night!
Abuse is never o.k. You can minimize it...you can defend it...and you can even try to ignore it. But when you find yourself still suffering no matter how many times you have hurt someone else...or have been hurt by someone else....you are behaving literally and figuratively "insane". Stop the insanity today and call 1-800-799-SAFE.
