In my first post on this topic of scapegoating, I identified what scapegoating is, how it originated, and what a few of the common relational dynamics are amongsts scapegoaters. (These are the folks who scapegoat others).
Now I am going to spend some time focusing in on scapegoats themselves and what they have in common...
Some scapegoats were born to be scapegoats, plain and simple. Scapegoated since as far back as they can remember by their parents...their siblings...their extended family---these are the poor unfortuantes who really don't know anything else BUT functioning as the scapegoat within their family system. There are books that have addressed this issue many times over the past decades. Remember all that you may have heard or read about regarding "Family Roles"? Well---being the family "scapegoat" is one of those roles. Not that you wanted that role and not that you asked for it...it just "was".
The problem here is that once you grow up and are able to leave your family home, many of these "conditioned" scapegoats stay right where they are. Whether they stay right where they are literally or figuratively, they still allow themselves to function as scapegoats. It's much like when animals get so used to living in cages that even when the cage door is left wide open, they won't and don't move. For these scapegoats, life feels like it happens "to" them rather than the other way around. Instead of being and functioning proactively on their own behalf, this group will do what they believe the are "supposed" to in order to lie low, avoid conflict, keep everyone else happy, and not draw too much attention to themselves. In the end, they still get the shaft when someone decides they didn't do "enough" or say "enough" or be "enough". Very sad.
Another type of scapegoat is the purpose-driven scapegoat. This type knows he or she is doing a whole lotta wrong----but figures, "What the hell,I'm a scapegoat anyway!" Kinda like the whole self-fulfilling prophecy mentality at work. "Everyone says I'm an idiot, so I'll be an idiot!" "She keeps accusing me of being a player, so I'll be a player!" etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum. What these scapegoats don't realize is that the only person that they are truly hurting, in the end, is themselves. You can "do" whatever you want to get away with (fill in the blank) or to feel better fast---but it isn't me who is going to end up with lung cancer because you smoked three packs a day for the last twenty years. These scapegoats are stuck in a cycle of their own making. They think they are getting back at someone or exacting revenge on those who "hurt" them...but all they are really doing is destroying themselves in a sure and steady manner.
The last type of scapegoat is the foolish scapegoat. This scapegoat is like a runaway train. Doesn't think much past his or her nose...and just kinda sorta "falls" into situations or circumstances where mayhem ensues. "Sure, I will give you all my money to start your own business! Sounds good to me after drinking three beers, two shots, and a bucket of wings with you over dinner!" Lots of undiagnosed and untreated ADDers fall into this category. (ADD = attention deficit disorder) These scapegoats are so into "the moment" that they can't see much past it---or any other moment for that matter. Everything is about the "right now" to a fault. To put it another way, these are the "Act first and think last" scapegoats among us.
Wherever you find yourself...scapegoating is a resolve-able issue whether you have made a bad habit out of scapegoating others---or being scapegoated by others. Being aware of what you do and taking responsibility for it are the FIRST STEPS in breaking that bad habit and creating a new and better habit to replace it over time. Good luck with that. And if you need help with this process---well, that's what psychotherapists like me are for!
Until we meet again...
