Just this month, I decided to start creating a family scrapbook for our family. I had so many photos in so many places around here---I wanted to finally put things together in an order that made sense for our daughter (and her future family). So...I got started with the "oldest" known photo in our posession as a couple. It was a formal portrait of my husband's maternal great-grandparents. Little did I know that as I went about the business of putting the photos from our two parents' families together, how much I would be learning in the process...
Last night was one of those times. I was talking on the phone to my maternal aunt after noticing that there were a whole lot of photos of her as a young woman...but none of my mother (her only sister). I asked her why that was (as my mother is now deceased and you don't even want to know the back story about her at this point in time!). She said at first that she "didn't know"...but as our conversation continued, I backed myself up and asked her about the formal baptism portrait of herself with her parents and Godparents. She went on about how her Godfather owned a coal yard on the east side of Detroit and how this couple didn't have any children of their own. She added how she did have a good relationship with her Godparents growing up and how he or they would come over and bring presents, etc. to her as a child. I then casually asked who my mother's Godparents were. She laughed and said some man named Zigich who was single and never married. She quickly added that this man Zigich "adored" her father (this would be my maternal grandfather) and would ask his opinions on all sorts of topics. She followed that up by saying one day, her father went up to Zigich's work and met him as he came out with his paycheck. It appears that Mr. Zigich burned up the mattress on which he slept in my grandfather's house (he was one of several "roomers" staying with my grandparents at the time) and my grandfather wanted the money to replace it....
So here I have my aunt whose Godfather owned a coal yard (and if you could see the photo, this dude was quite the dapper dresser---much better than my grandfather!)....while my mother's Godfather was a mattress-burning roomer with no photo to immortalize his role in my mother's life. Gotcha.
Then, without warning, my aunt suddenly volunteered the following information: "You know, my father who WAS A VERY NICE MAN MIND YOU did tell my mother that if she didn't have another child after I was born, he was going to send her back to Croatia because he really wanted a second child." Wow. Really? What a NICE MAN Teta! ("Teta" is Serbo-Croatian for "aunt") And even though I heard it a hundred times over in my life that my grandmother favored my aunt over my mother....this little nugget of truth was never exposed to me---until last night.
Needless to say, for all the times I drove myself round the bend wondering WHY WHY WHY my mother treated me like garbage "anyway" growing up and also in relation to my golden-boy brother whom she adored (and still does I am sure from beyond the grave)...this revelation coming out of my aunt's mouth last night was like water to a dying flower. The truth is NOTHING to be afraid of. It really can and does work to set one free!
Teachable moments come and go throughout our lives. What do you do with yours when they come? Do you quickly get out the towel when the truth spills out in order to wipe it up and throw it away as soon as possible? Not a good idea folks. The truth is never meant to harm you. It can teach you just what you need in order to keep making those positive changes in your life that help you to heal and grow....
I'll keep you posted as my family scrapbook evolves...
Last night was one of those times. I was talking on the phone to my maternal aunt after noticing that there were a whole lot of photos of her as a young woman...but none of my mother (her only sister). I asked her why that was (as my mother is now deceased and you don't even want to know the back story about her at this point in time!). She said at first that she "didn't know"...but as our conversation continued, I backed myself up and asked her about the formal baptism portrait of herself with her parents and Godparents. She went on about how her Godfather owned a coal yard on the east side of Detroit and how this couple didn't have any children of their own. She added how she did have a good relationship with her Godparents growing up and how he or they would come over and bring presents, etc. to her as a child. I then casually asked who my mother's Godparents were. She laughed and said some man named Zigich who was single and never married. She quickly added that this man Zigich "adored" her father (this would be my maternal grandfather) and would ask his opinions on all sorts of topics. She followed that up by saying one day, her father went up to Zigich's work and met him as he came out with his paycheck. It appears that Mr. Zigich burned up the mattress on which he slept in my grandfather's house (he was one of several "roomers" staying with my grandparents at the time) and my grandfather wanted the money to replace it....
So here I have my aunt whose Godfather owned a coal yard (and if you could see the photo, this dude was quite the dapper dresser---much better than my grandfather!)....while my mother's Godfather was a mattress-burning roomer with no photo to immortalize his role in my mother's life. Gotcha.
Then, without warning, my aunt suddenly volunteered the following information: "You know, my father who WAS A VERY NICE MAN MIND YOU did tell my mother that if she didn't have another child after I was born, he was going to send her back to Croatia because he really wanted a second child." Wow. Really? What a NICE MAN Teta! ("Teta" is Serbo-Croatian for "aunt") And even though I heard it a hundred times over in my life that my grandmother favored my aunt over my mother....this little nugget of truth was never exposed to me---until last night.
Needless to say, for all the times I drove myself round the bend wondering WHY WHY WHY my mother treated me like garbage "anyway" growing up and also in relation to my golden-boy brother whom she adored (and still does I am sure from beyond the grave)...this revelation coming out of my aunt's mouth last night was like water to a dying flower. The truth is NOTHING to be afraid of. It really can and does work to set one free!
Teachable moments come and go throughout our lives. What do you do with yours when they come? Do you quickly get out the towel when the truth spills out in order to wipe it up and throw it away as soon as possible? Not a good idea folks. The truth is never meant to harm you. It can teach you just what you need in order to keep making those positive changes in your life that help you to heal and grow....
I'll keep you posted as my family scrapbook evolves...