I just got home after visiting my uncle at the nursing home/rehab where he's been since August of this past year. I've written about him before; I also wrote a brief update after the first of this year. Now I am going to write about what I learned "today" as a result of spending the time I did with my Uncle B...
Uncle B, let it be known, still "hates" being at the facility. About a month ago, he also got a new roommate. Much younger guy than my uncle...of another race...and apparently this dude "bothers" my uncle very much. He sings in the night, he keeps his radio on during the night, he keeps his t.v. on during the day. My uncle is being driven round the bend with all the noise. Remember now, my uncle is someone who never had children and spent most of his 60 years of marriage doing exactly what he wanted to do (or not do!) when he wanted to do it. My uncle wants out of his room (which he keeps referring to as his "apartment"). He wants to be alone...in another room. He wanted me to tell someone today about this. Which I did. Didn't get me anywhere. Why would it? For $6,000 a month...who can expect a private room in what is considered to be one of the "best" care facilities in our metropolitan area? Not me---not my uncle. Not anybody.
Then my uncle told me about his "clothes". They don't belong to him. He doesn't have enough socks. They don't belong to him either. You see, when my uncle was younger, he was quite the style icon amongst his fellow retirees. I'm sure I've mentioned in one of my previous posts how he was quite the continental kinda guy as I was growing up under his shadow. At present, it is obviously repulsive to him that he's being put into other peoples' clothes every morning instead of his own from "home". I have to admit, today his burgundy button-down sweater (which he would have never bought, let alone wear by his own choice) was quite ratty and stained. I could also see someone else's name written in magic marker across the back neckline of his shirt. Well, what is there to do about this issue after all? For $6,000 a month...who can expect the clean laundry to be brought to their rightful owners every day, day in and day out anyway? Not me---not my uncle. Not anybody.
My uncle is going to turn 98 on February 12th, if he makes it that long. He said my aunt was going to bring a black forest cake (her favorite) and he was not happy about it. Why? Because "ten people" are coming to visit him that day and he wants to wear his own clothes on his birthday. And live in his room without his present roommmate. And have lunch fed to him without the nurse's aides just pushing the tray towards him and leaving his room. There are other issues as well...but that's enough for this post today.
As I was feeding my uncle lunch today, he would indicate what he wanted placed into his mouth bite by bite. "Meat", "carrots", "potatoes". When he finished his lunch, he looked at me and calmly said, "O.k...you can go now." But he forgot I needed to take his bib off him, wheel him back to his room, and make sure he was settled in allright before I left. When I asked him in which direction he wanted to face once we got into his room...he chose the wall his bed is up against. Reminded me of how a child would be required to sit or stand if they were in time out. After he indicated what he wanted thrown into the garbage from his bedside table, I said my goodbye and began leaving the room. Before I made it out the door I heard my uncle say (for the second time and since my last visit), "Thank you for visiting me."
For $6,000 a month...who can expect a man who still hates where he's at to say "Thank you.." in light of his current circumstances? My Uncle B, that's who.
Uncle B, let it be known, still "hates" being at the facility. About a month ago, he also got a new roommate. Much younger guy than my uncle...of another race...and apparently this dude "bothers" my uncle very much. He sings in the night, he keeps his radio on during the night, he keeps his t.v. on during the day. My uncle is being driven round the bend with all the noise. Remember now, my uncle is someone who never had children and spent most of his 60 years of marriage doing exactly what he wanted to do (or not do!) when he wanted to do it. My uncle wants out of his room (which he keeps referring to as his "apartment"). He wants to be alone...in another room. He wanted me to tell someone today about this. Which I did. Didn't get me anywhere. Why would it? For $6,000 a month...who can expect a private room in what is considered to be one of the "best" care facilities in our metropolitan area? Not me---not my uncle. Not anybody.
Then my uncle told me about his "clothes". They don't belong to him. He doesn't have enough socks. They don't belong to him either. You see, when my uncle was younger, he was quite the style icon amongst his fellow retirees. I'm sure I've mentioned in one of my previous posts how he was quite the continental kinda guy as I was growing up under his shadow. At present, it is obviously repulsive to him that he's being put into other peoples' clothes every morning instead of his own from "home". I have to admit, today his burgundy button-down sweater (which he would have never bought, let alone wear by his own choice) was quite ratty and stained. I could also see someone else's name written in magic marker across the back neckline of his shirt. Well, what is there to do about this issue after all? For $6,000 a month...who can expect the clean laundry to be brought to their rightful owners every day, day in and day out anyway? Not me---not my uncle. Not anybody.
My uncle is going to turn 98 on February 12th, if he makes it that long. He said my aunt was going to bring a black forest cake (her favorite) and he was not happy about it. Why? Because "ten people" are coming to visit him that day and he wants to wear his own clothes on his birthday. And live in his room without his present roommmate. And have lunch fed to him without the nurse's aides just pushing the tray towards him and leaving his room. There are other issues as well...but that's enough for this post today.
As I was feeding my uncle lunch today, he would indicate what he wanted placed into his mouth bite by bite. "Meat", "carrots", "potatoes". When he finished his lunch, he looked at me and calmly said, "O.k...you can go now." But he forgot I needed to take his bib off him, wheel him back to his room, and make sure he was settled in allright before I left. When I asked him in which direction he wanted to face once we got into his room...he chose the wall his bed is up against. Reminded me of how a child would be required to sit or stand if they were in time out. After he indicated what he wanted thrown into the garbage from his bedside table, I said my goodbye and began leaving the room. Before I made it out the door I heard my uncle say (for the second time and since my last visit), "Thank you for visiting me."
For $6,000 a month...who can expect a man who still hates where he's at to say "Thank you.." in light of his current circumstances? My Uncle B, that's who.