As I was surfing through Facebook this morning, I happened to come across a person's timeline who had a whole lot of friends from my former high school. Me being who I am just had to allow myself the indulgence of checking out some of the timelines of these former classmates and neighbors of mine. Seeing and reading what I did had a mixed bag effect on me. On the one hand, I was relieved to find that "justice" had finally been served; yet the psychotherapist in me felt extremely disappointed. Maybe this is why I do what I do; I am constantly hoping against hope that people WILL choose to make the positive changes necessary to heal, change, and grow themselves in ways they may have never before imagined possible. For so many of my former classmates, that was obviously too big a hope for them to handle over these last 30-40 years...
"Imari" was one of these individuals. She grew up not far from me and the last I heard, was in prison somewhere for God only knows what. Back when we were kids, Imari was a golden girl in the literal sense. She was physically beautiful, and that was about it. She was a bully, a thief, and a liar just to name a few of her figurative attributes. I know this because her older sister was a friend of mine and Imari had no filter when it came to her own behavior. As an 8th grader, she was said to be functioning as her boyfriend's punching bag (and I knew her boyfriend's family too...so I believe this). Friends of hers also shared that Imari's father was a major creeper (using today's vernacular). Since I had my own run-ins with Mr. Imari and knew he got Mrs. Imari pregnant when she was just a kid herself...that "news" was old news. I also recall Grandma Imari yelling and screaming at people on the sidewalk whenever I walked or rode my back past their house; I tell ya, there was obviously never a dull moment goin' on inside those four walls!
Now flash forward to 2012. I hadn't seen Imari since before we graduated from high school. And then suddenly just this past week...there she was on Facebook. In all her 2012 glory. This former bully, thief, liar, and golden girl....well, what can I tell you? Physically she looked like someone who has been invisible to the opposite sex for a VERY long time. I also am reminded of all the not-so-nice one liners guys I knew back in the day would use to describe these sorts of women. "...looks like a hundred miles of bad road", "a face that could stop a clock", etc. etc. Yes, Imari was for certain no longer the golden girl of our bygone era. Or anyone's era. Imari, as my one male friend used to say, "is through".
As for what Imari's currently like on the inside, who knows? her wall posts were a mish-mash of "feel sorry for me", "oh I'm in such a crisis", and "nobody loves me anymore" commentaries. Well, at least it read like she's moved past the bullying...
Imari's older sister had a boyfriend from our neighborhood. His name was Guza. He wasn't just a bully, but a scary human being. There was a time when he and his "gang" were throwing rocks at one of their classmates who had climbed up a tree to try and avoid being hit. I was standing right there watching. The classmate ultimately fell out of the tree and an ambulance showed up. Because Guza and his pals were older than me, I had presumed that "this" was how older males behaved once they started driving. Guza was one of several boys in his family; another one of his brothers was believed to be behind the wheel when a car was driven through a house at the end of our street one summer. To say Guza was a "bad seed" was in fact a compliment. A part of me wondered how I would be if I ever ran into Guza as an adult; I almost got my chance when one of his former buddies showed up for therapy several years ago at my office! I nearly fell over! Of course, I could not see Guza's friend in therapy due to a conflict of interest. Namely, me forgetting I was a therapist after our first session!
When I attempted to "find" Guza on Facebook, what I found instead was the fact that he was now dead. I also found out that his life, when he was alive, was not that great. As a matter of fact, it was all quite bad. Why am I surprised? Probably because the 55 year-old me still wonders why people don't always believe me when I say, "If nothing changes, nothing changes!" Go figure...
Tripping down memory lane can dredge up some bad junk of the past, but it can also provide some keys to personal freedom as well. If you don't learn from your past, you won't. If you do learn from the past mistakes that have been made (either by you...of those around you), then you may be inspired to do things differently from now on----att least as those things relate to what you have learned.
Once you are dead, it's definitely too late. As it is for Guza.
"Imari" was one of these individuals. She grew up not far from me and the last I heard, was in prison somewhere for God only knows what. Back when we were kids, Imari was a golden girl in the literal sense. She was physically beautiful, and that was about it. She was a bully, a thief, and a liar just to name a few of her figurative attributes. I know this because her older sister was a friend of mine and Imari had no filter when it came to her own behavior. As an 8th grader, she was said to be functioning as her boyfriend's punching bag (and I knew her boyfriend's family too...so I believe this). Friends of hers also shared that Imari's father was a major creeper (using today's vernacular). Since I had my own run-ins with Mr. Imari and knew he got Mrs. Imari pregnant when she was just a kid herself...that "news" was old news. I also recall Grandma Imari yelling and screaming at people on the sidewalk whenever I walked or rode my back past their house; I tell ya, there was obviously never a dull moment goin' on inside those four walls!
Now flash forward to 2012. I hadn't seen Imari since before we graduated from high school. And then suddenly just this past week...there she was on Facebook. In all her 2012 glory. This former bully, thief, liar, and golden girl....well, what can I tell you? Physically she looked like someone who has been invisible to the opposite sex for a VERY long time. I also am reminded of all the not-so-nice one liners guys I knew back in the day would use to describe these sorts of women. "...looks like a hundred miles of bad road", "a face that could stop a clock", etc. etc. Yes, Imari was for certain no longer the golden girl of our bygone era. Or anyone's era. Imari, as my one male friend used to say, "is through".
As for what Imari's currently like on the inside, who knows? her wall posts were a mish-mash of "feel sorry for me", "oh I'm in such a crisis", and "nobody loves me anymore" commentaries. Well, at least it read like she's moved past the bullying...
Imari's older sister had a boyfriend from our neighborhood. His name was Guza. He wasn't just a bully, but a scary human being. There was a time when he and his "gang" were throwing rocks at one of their classmates who had climbed up a tree to try and avoid being hit. I was standing right there watching. The classmate ultimately fell out of the tree and an ambulance showed up. Because Guza and his pals were older than me, I had presumed that "this" was how older males behaved once they started driving. Guza was one of several boys in his family; another one of his brothers was believed to be behind the wheel when a car was driven through a house at the end of our street one summer. To say Guza was a "bad seed" was in fact a compliment. A part of me wondered how I would be if I ever ran into Guza as an adult; I almost got my chance when one of his former buddies showed up for therapy several years ago at my office! I nearly fell over! Of course, I could not see Guza's friend in therapy due to a conflict of interest. Namely, me forgetting I was a therapist after our first session!
When I attempted to "find" Guza on Facebook, what I found instead was the fact that he was now dead. I also found out that his life, when he was alive, was not that great. As a matter of fact, it was all quite bad. Why am I surprised? Probably because the 55 year-old me still wonders why people don't always believe me when I say, "If nothing changes, nothing changes!" Go figure...
Tripping down memory lane can dredge up some bad junk of the past, but it can also provide some keys to personal freedom as well. If you don't learn from your past, you won't. If you do learn from the past mistakes that have been made (either by you...of those around you), then you may be inspired to do things differently from now on----att least as those things relate to what you have learned.
Once you are dead, it's definitely too late. As it is for Guza.