La Roux is a female singer from somewhere in Europe; I first heard of her when the hit single "Bulletproof" came out however long ago. (Now that I am officially old, I consider it miraculous when I can remember a song title AND the name of the artist or group who recorded it!) I liked Bulletproof a lot; however, when I listened to some of La Roux's other songs, I found a new favorite: "I'm Not Your Toy".
I spend so much time listening and talking to people who have difficulty wrapping their brain around the idea of objectification in relationships. Inotherwords, they don't yet get it about how being treated like a "toy" is NOT normal in their so-called "love" relationships. I use the term "toy" loosely, because some people get treated like dog doo more than anything else. Others still are treated like an ATM machine...and there are those who are treated like punching bags. So in the bigger picture, being treated like a "toy" can actually feel pretty good in comparison to these other options! That is until the person who is treating you like a toy decides to stop playing with you as often as they once did!
Of course the knife cuts both ways. Someone treats you like a toy...but you treat them like a meal ticket. You treat your child like a trophy to show off publicly every now and then....and your child treats you as the invisible man (or woman). There are so many combinations and possibilities; the thing to remember here is that when you treat someone else or someone else treats you like a "thing" instead of a human being----it all leads to tears.
"Joe" was a former client of mine who thought that he had it made after meeting "Sally". "She's the whole package Mary!" he exclaimed after they first met. "She's beautiful! She's just perfect for me! She's got a child and you know I never had any of my own!" blah blah blah. Joe, without realizing it then, just found himself a new toy. "She even sits "cute"..isn't that crazy?!" Yes Joe, it was and it is. Sally wasn't a toy. Sally had her OWN attitudes, opinions, beliefs, likes, dislikes, wants, and needs....but Joe didn't notice nor did he want to notice any of them. He just wanted Sally. His new toy.
Joe and Sally lasted about a year. When push came to shove, Joe couldn't make the sacrifices he felt he was being "forced" to make by staying with Sally. "She's not enough like me Mary; that's all there is to it." In his way, Joe hit the nail on the head. He had really expected that by finding a new toy to play with like Sally, that he would also be fortunate enough to mold and shape her into his image of perfection as well. No such luck Joe. Toys don't talk back or have their own demands. People, however, do.
Probably the saddest scenarios involving relationship objectification is when the birth of a new baby is involved. As hard has this may be to believe, there are those folks who just have babies in order to get what they want from their partner at the time. "If I didn't hurry up, I'd never have a kid!" said Jason who was in a very dysfunctional relationship, but somehow thought "a kid" would make it all better. DOH! Conversely, Jason's partner thought having that baby would guarantee her life of leisure as Jason's "baby mama"; that didn't happen either. Who lost out the most in the end? Why the baby of course! The baby who is being shuttled around since their breakup like a sack of potatoes between aunts and uncles and grandmas and sitters. Very VERY sad. Babies and children are not toys; they are not trophies either. They are human beings!
It is o.k. to play with "real" toys; playing with people is not. When will we ever learn?
I spend so much time listening and talking to people who have difficulty wrapping their brain around the idea of objectification in relationships. Inotherwords, they don't yet get it about how being treated like a "toy" is NOT normal in their so-called "love" relationships. I use the term "toy" loosely, because some people get treated like dog doo more than anything else. Others still are treated like an ATM machine...and there are those who are treated like punching bags. So in the bigger picture, being treated like a "toy" can actually feel pretty good in comparison to these other options! That is until the person who is treating you like a toy decides to stop playing with you as often as they once did!
Of course the knife cuts both ways. Someone treats you like a toy...but you treat them like a meal ticket. You treat your child like a trophy to show off publicly every now and then....and your child treats you as the invisible man (or woman). There are so many combinations and possibilities; the thing to remember here is that when you treat someone else or someone else treats you like a "thing" instead of a human being----it all leads to tears.
"Joe" was a former client of mine who thought that he had it made after meeting "Sally". "She's the whole package Mary!" he exclaimed after they first met. "She's beautiful! She's just perfect for me! She's got a child and you know I never had any of my own!" blah blah blah. Joe, without realizing it then, just found himself a new toy. "She even sits "cute"..isn't that crazy?!" Yes Joe, it was and it is. Sally wasn't a toy. Sally had her OWN attitudes, opinions, beliefs, likes, dislikes, wants, and needs....but Joe didn't notice nor did he want to notice any of them. He just wanted Sally. His new toy.
Joe and Sally lasted about a year. When push came to shove, Joe couldn't make the sacrifices he felt he was being "forced" to make by staying with Sally. "She's not enough like me Mary; that's all there is to it." In his way, Joe hit the nail on the head. He had really expected that by finding a new toy to play with like Sally, that he would also be fortunate enough to mold and shape her into his image of perfection as well. No such luck Joe. Toys don't talk back or have their own demands. People, however, do.
Probably the saddest scenarios involving relationship objectification is when the birth of a new baby is involved. As hard has this may be to believe, there are those folks who just have babies in order to get what they want from their partner at the time. "If I didn't hurry up, I'd never have a kid!" said Jason who was in a very dysfunctional relationship, but somehow thought "a kid" would make it all better. DOH! Conversely, Jason's partner thought having that baby would guarantee her life of leisure as Jason's "baby mama"; that didn't happen either. Who lost out the most in the end? Why the baby of course! The baby who is being shuttled around since their breakup like a sack of potatoes between aunts and uncles and grandmas and sitters. Very VERY sad. Babies and children are not toys; they are not trophies either. They are human beings!
It is o.k. to play with "real" toys; playing with people is not. When will we ever learn?