After my last two posts about fantasy vs. reality...I had a thought. What about all this "You owe me!" and/or "I owe you!" thinking that I know I've seen run rampant across all sorts of relationships in recent memory...
Think about it. Who do you know who treats you like you "owe" them whatever they ask of you? Anyone pop immediately into mind? Why do you think they treat you this way? Whatever happened in their lives or between the two of you over time and history to cause this type of assumption towards you? What "do" you owe them exactly? Your loyalty? Your time? Your money? Your affection? Your admiration? I have no idea. Maybe you don't either. But whatever is going on there, don't you think that being in a relationship with ANYONE who treats you as if you OWE them is pretty darn dysfunctional?!?! I'm just askin....
Of course, I can flip the script just as easily. Who do you treat as if they owe you? Anyone pop immediately into mind now? Why do you think you treat them this way? Whatever happened in your life or between the two of you over time and history to cause this type of assumption on your part towards them? What "do" they owe you exactly? Their loyalty? Their time? Their money? etc. etc. etc.
This "I owe you" and "You owe me" mentality is more commonplace than anyone would care to admit. If it weren't true, everyone would truly pull their own weight in this life and have what they have purely due to their OWN efforts! Think about that for at least a little while please. I said in a post long ago, "You don't become comfortable serving others by becoming comfortable with being served by others." This is so true. When you get what you don't truly deserve by anyone, it is very easy to treat that person (or anyone else for that mater!) as someone who "owes" you things. Yet they don't. Just like you don't "owe" anyone anything either just because "they" say or think that way.
In reality, whatever you do that is "good" for someone else SHOULD be based on your desire to WANT to do good for that person, in that particular circumstance, and nothing more. Not that they will now "owe" you back....not that they will "owe" you for life as a result. Giving without expectation is an expression for a reason. Don't expect when you give. Just give because you want to and that's it. Then you'll be good.
The problem is that too many of us DO expect "payback" for whatever it is we do good for someone else. We want their time..we want their love...we want their acceptance and approval. We want to be viewed as "all good" in the minds of those we give to. Spare me. Is that because when you do something wrong or hurtful, it's not supposed to count against you?! No, relationships weren't designed to function in this way. Though we do this all the time to each other. Yet another example of the codependent lifestyle gone amuck!
My aunt is a great example of the "You owe me" mentality at work. She's old and I get that. She's 88 as a matter of fact and she doesn't drive. Yet when she calls me, she really does behave as if she's the Queen of England and I'm some serf fortunate enough to have been "selected" by her to do her bidding that day. Really? No. When I am not available to drive down to her neck of the woods and do whatever it is she is expecting, she often is surprised and taken aback by my lack of cooperation. "Well, what am I supposed to do now?!" she often has asked. And, as I have often responded, "Call a cab, that's what."
It takes practice and patience to come out of an "I owe you" and/or "You owe me" lifestyle. It really does. Biblically speaking, we are called to help each other when someone experiences an "extraordinary burden" as would be the case during a sudden illness, calamity, or death. But we are NOT called to help each other carry one another's own "knapsack" of everyday responsibilities. I was not put on earth to brush your teeth for you or comb your hair...or go to work for you. You were meant to do all those things yourself. Unfortunately for way too many of us, we want help with our everyday "knapsacks" of responsibility...and yet ask for NO help when we actually do suffer extraordinary burdens. Go figure. What a messed up bunch of humanity we all are, aren't we?
So the next time you come across someone treating you like you "owe"them...why don't you stop and ask the following: "That was an interesting remark. Felt like you were saying I owe you that. Can you explain to me why?"
And if you find yourself expecting someone else to "do" for you because you think they owe you something...give me a call instead. At the very least, I owe you a reality check!
Think about it. Who do you know who treats you like you "owe" them whatever they ask of you? Anyone pop immediately into mind? Why do you think they treat you this way? Whatever happened in their lives or between the two of you over time and history to cause this type of assumption towards you? What "do" you owe them exactly? Your loyalty? Your time? Your money? Your affection? Your admiration? I have no idea. Maybe you don't either. But whatever is going on there, don't you think that being in a relationship with ANYONE who treats you as if you OWE them is pretty darn dysfunctional?!?! I'm just askin....
Of course, I can flip the script just as easily. Who do you treat as if they owe you? Anyone pop immediately into mind now? Why do you think you treat them this way? Whatever happened in your life or between the two of you over time and history to cause this type of assumption on your part towards them? What "do" they owe you exactly? Their loyalty? Their time? Their money? etc. etc. etc.
This "I owe you" and "You owe me" mentality is more commonplace than anyone would care to admit. If it weren't true, everyone would truly pull their own weight in this life and have what they have purely due to their OWN efforts! Think about that for at least a little while please. I said in a post long ago, "You don't become comfortable serving others by becoming comfortable with being served by others." This is so true. When you get what you don't truly deserve by anyone, it is very easy to treat that person (or anyone else for that mater!) as someone who "owes" you things. Yet they don't. Just like you don't "owe" anyone anything either just because "they" say or think that way.
In reality, whatever you do that is "good" for someone else SHOULD be based on your desire to WANT to do good for that person, in that particular circumstance, and nothing more. Not that they will now "owe" you back....not that they will "owe" you for life as a result. Giving without expectation is an expression for a reason. Don't expect when you give. Just give because you want to and that's it. Then you'll be good.
The problem is that too many of us DO expect "payback" for whatever it is we do good for someone else. We want their time..we want their love...we want their acceptance and approval. We want to be viewed as "all good" in the minds of those we give to. Spare me. Is that because when you do something wrong or hurtful, it's not supposed to count against you?! No, relationships weren't designed to function in this way. Though we do this all the time to each other. Yet another example of the codependent lifestyle gone amuck!
My aunt is a great example of the "You owe me" mentality at work. She's old and I get that. She's 88 as a matter of fact and she doesn't drive. Yet when she calls me, she really does behave as if she's the Queen of England and I'm some serf fortunate enough to have been "selected" by her to do her bidding that day. Really? No. When I am not available to drive down to her neck of the woods and do whatever it is she is expecting, she often is surprised and taken aback by my lack of cooperation. "Well, what am I supposed to do now?!" she often has asked. And, as I have often responded, "Call a cab, that's what."
It takes practice and patience to come out of an "I owe you" and/or "You owe me" lifestyle. It really does. Biblically speaking, we are called to help each other when someone experiences an "extraordinary burden" as would be the case during a sudden illness, calamity, or death. But we are NOT called to help each other carry one another's own "knapsack" of everyday responsibilities. I was not put on earth to brush your teeth for you or comb your hair...or go to work for you. You were meant to do all those things yourself. Unfortunately for way too many of us, we want help with our everyday "knapsacks" of responsibility...and yet ask for NO help when we actually do suffer extraordinary burdens. Go figure. What a messed up bunch of humanity we all are, aren't we?
So the next time you come across someone treating you like you "owe"them...why don't you stop and ask the following: "That was an interesting remark. Felt like you were saying I owe you that. Can you explain to me why?"
And if you find yourself expecting someone else to "do" for you because you think they owe you something...give me a call instead. At the very least, I owe you a reality check!