I just finished reading a new book the other day. It's called "Vow" and written by Wendy Plump. (Don't let her surname fool you; she's skinny so it works!) She is the first author of record (who I have been made aware of at least!) who has written extensively about her own marriage and multiple affairs...and those of her husband. (Spoiler Alert!) Hubby finally one-upped her when his last affair led to the birth of another son and the establishment of a second household nearby.
I have to say, I am using this book for my clients who describe themselves as "attention whores". Regardless of one's own marital status, Plump's book offers something I'm not so sure she herself fully understood while writing it. It lays bare and splays open for public consumption what can happen to those of us who go through life not being or feeling "whole" as a person. Plump's incomplete status as a woman (and subsequently as a wife...and as a mother) has set her up for "the search". "The search", as I refer to it, is seeking out that which one feels will "satisfy the need" within them for....??? (Fill in the blank here.) Usually it's for validation of one's value as a person, for "instant" emotional and/or spiritual intimacy (which never automatically accompanies physical intimacy anyway silly rabbit!), for an increased level of self-esteem, for feeling "good" and/or "better" quickly (like the rush that accompanies any good stimulant-based addiction), etc. etc. etc. Although Plump is a prolific writer and uses adjectives I always wondered how to spell (who knew "gerry-rig" was in truth spelled "jury-rig"?!?)....she keeps missing the boat on the authentic identification of her own inner demons. This is helpful to me. Why? Because her own search for fulfillment and repeated disappointments are the fuel I can use to help my clients see how and why "attention whore-dom" is never "fixed" by pursuing the practice of "Next!"
Don't misunderstand me, I do feel very bad for what Ms. Plump has been through. She basically sold herself out believing that "great sex" (whatever that meant to her!) was the answer to all her emotional and spiritual-based problems. Not. Never is. Danger Will Robinson! Using sex and "Next!" as a way to heal emotional and spiritual-based wounds is like trying to get your nose fixed by picking it non-stop. It just ain't gonna work!
Over the years of my life, I have known many individuals both personally and professionally who believed that discovering "the right man" or "the right woman" was the key to their own personal happiness and sense of fulfillment. Happiness is a choice my dears. It's always a choice. If you really believe that you can find "happy" by finding some man or woman out there to....to what? Serve you? Listen to you 24/7 with a smile on their face? Go everywhere you want to go every moment of every day and be your bff besides? Be there to always "support" you no matter what you have been through? Spare me! There is NO person on planet earth who is going to defer to YOUR desires, dreams, feelings, and needs from the time you meet them until the time you both die. Last time I checked, that kind of a relationship was called slavery! DOH! If you can't learn how to be and find your OWN authentic "happy", on your own and as a "whole" person...you're in deep doo doo. Unfortunately for Ms. Wendy and others like her, if Object of Desire #1 doesn't cut the mustard..then it's time to move on to Object of Desire #2...then #3...then #4....which leads to what? A whole lot of disappointment while the core problem within Ms. Wendy and her ilk has STILL not been solved, resolved, or dissolved!
So, there you have it. "Vow" is a fabulous book which presents (without realizing it of course!) what not to do and why if you or someone you care about struggles with attention-whoredom as an issue in their life.
I have to say, I am using this book for my clients who describe themselves as "attention whores". Regardless of one's own marital status, Plump's book offers something I'm not so sure she herself fully understood while writing it. It lays bare and splays open for public consumption what can happen to those of us who go through life not being or feeling "whole" as a person. Plump's incomplete status as a woman (and subsequently as a wife...and as a mother) has set her up for "the search". "The search", as I refer to it, is seeking out that which one feels will "satisfy the need" within them for....??? (Fill in the blank here.) Usually it's for validation of one's value as a person, for "instant" emotional and/or spiritual intimacy (which never automatically accompanies physical intimacy anyway silly rabbit!), for an increased level of self-esteem, for feeling "good" and/or "better" quickly (like the rush that accompanies any good stimulant-based addiction), etc. etc. etc. Although Plump is a prolific writer and uses adjectives I always wondered how to spell (who knew "gerry-rig" was in truth spelled "jury-rig"?!?)....she keeps missing the boat on the authentic identification of her own inner demons. This is helpful to me. Why? Because her own search for fulfillment and repeated disappointments are the fuel I can use to help my clients see how and why "attention whore-dom" is never "fixed" by pursuing the practice of "Next!"
Don't misunderstand me, I do feel very bad for what Ms. Plump has been through. She basically sold herself out believing that "great sex" (whatever that meant to her!) was the answer to all her emotional and spiritual-based problems. Not. Never is. Danger Will Robinson! Using sex and "Next!" as a way to heal emotional and spiritual-based wounds is like trying to get your nose fixed by picking it non-stop. It just ain't gonna work!
Over the years of my life, I have known many individuals both personally and professionally who believed that discovering "the right man" or "the right woman" was the key to their own personal happiness and sense of fulfillment. Happiness is a choice my dears. It's always a choice. If you really believe that you can find "happy" by finding some man or woman out there to....to what? Serve you? Listen to you 24/7 with a smile on their face? Go everywhere you want to go every moment of every day and be your bff besides? Be there to always "support" you no matter what you have been through? Spare me! There is NO person on planet earth who is going to defer to YOUR desires, dreams, feelings, and needs from the time you meet them until the time you both die. Last time I checked, that kind of a relationship was called slavery! DOH! If you can't learn how to be and find your OWN authentic "happy", on your own and as a "whole" person...you're in deep doo doo. Unfortunately for Ms. Wendy and others like her, if Object of Desire #1 doesn't cut the mustard..then it's time to move on to Object of Desire #2...then #3...then #4....which leads to what? A whole lot of disappointment while the core problem within Ms. Wendy and her ilk has STILL not been solved, resolved, or dissolved!
So, there you have it. "Vow" is a fabulous book which presents (without realizing it of course!) what not to do and why if you or someone you care about struggles with attention-whoredom as an issue in their life.