When we created a library in our home this past year, I had the honor of organizing all the books scattered throughout our house. When all was said and done, over 1,000 books found their way to the shelves located right behind me as I sit here typing in this very moment. One of the books among our stacks is a classic that I wanted to feature in today's blog post. Written many years ago by Wayne Muller, it is called "Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood". Today, I am going to borrow from Muller's source material as I present to you some home truths on the topic of "Grandiosity vs. Humility". Enjoy the ride...
Our pain and wounds of the past and/or present often lead us to believe that we are "unique" in our suffering and, of course, "victims" of terrible injustice. Welcome to real life U.S.A. Everyone in our country (and on our planet for that matter!) has been victimized in some way or another; that's a fact. We are, all of us, victims of other victims. When you think about it logically, it is virtually impossible to go through this life without experiencing trauma---regardless if what happened to you happened just once....or one thousand times.
Our shared "victim" status, however, can lead some of us to start believing a whole lot of things that we aren't even consciously aware of---yet believe to be "absolutely true" anyway. These things we believe deep down in the very core of our beings (and that we ourselves rarely if ever question!) are referred to in psychobabble as our "core beliefs". Examples: Do you question the color of your eyes? No. You know what the color of your eyes are and that's that. It's this same principle at work when it comes to our core beliefs. It just "is" what it is IN YOUR OWN MIND and that's that. No reason for you or anyone else to question it. And as you will soon see, one "major" core belief associated with our "status" as a victim of terrible injustice can lead you to get into all sorts of trouble...
One of these "core beliefs" that many share (as former or present "victims" of terrible injustice) is this: that your suffering(s) has made you uniquely "special".
Special? How is that, you may ask. One common belief associated with this self-imposed "special" status as victims is to believe that no one or nothing will ever "understand" your pain like you, yourself does.
Taken to the next level, if no one or nothing is capable of understanding your pain like you do, then no one or nothing will ever be able to truly help you "heal" from that pain once and for all.
And since no one or nothing will ever be able to understand your pain and what you have been through....and no one or nothing can ever help you truly heal from your past or present wounds once and for all....then you are ALSO believing that you are somehow condemned to "suffer" alone with your pain until...??? (Until YOU decide what will make your pain go away?) And these, dear reader, are just a few examples of how a single core belief about being "special" as a victim of terrible injustice can play out in your life....
On the other end of the spectrum revolving around this core belief of "I am special and nobody knows or will ever understand what I have been through in life but me.." are those "victims" who also believe that they are "specially" gifted to FIX, SAVE, and/or RESCUE someone ELSE who is also wounded. Uh....no! This is NOT the proper way to rationalize your own wounds and pain as having a "bigger purpose" BEFORE that woundedness and pain has ever been properly addressed and treated by the appropriately licensed professional! Thinking you can fix, save, or rescue someone else when you can barely see past the drama of your own life is like trying to take a speck out of someone else's eyeball when you have a 2' x 4' log stuck in your own! It just can't be done "right". All this kind of "codependent" help does is perpetuate the pattern of someone stuck in the "giver" role...and someone else stuck in the "taker" role in their relationship with each other. Over time, "givers" burn out while becoming more and more resentful and bitter. "Takers" on the other hand, become more and more dependent on others and less and less personally responsible.
Next time, Part II on this topic of Grandiosity vs. Humility....
Our pain and wounds of the past and/or present often lead us to believe that we are "unique" in our suffering and, of course, "victims" of terrible injustice. Welcome to real life U.S.A. Everyone in our country (and on our planet for that matter!) has been victimized in some way or another; that's a fact. We are, all of us, victims of other victims. When you think about it logically, it is virtually impossible to go through this life without experiencing trauma---regardless if what happened to you happened just once....or one thousand times.
Our shared "victim" status, however, can lead some of us to start believing a whole lot of things that we aren't even consciously aware of---yet believe to be "absolutely true" anyway. These things we believe deep down in the very core of our beings (and that we ourselves rarely if ever question!) are referred to in psychobabble as our "core beliefs". Examples: Do you question the color of your eyes? No. You know what the color of your eyes are and that's that. It's this same principle at work when it comes to our core beliefs. It just "is" what it is IN YOUR OWN MIND and that's that. No reason for you or anyone else to question it. And as you will soon see, one "major" core belief associated with our "status" as a victim of terrible injustice can lead you to get into all sorts of trouble...
One of these "core beliefs" that many share (as former or present "victims" of terrible injustice) is this: that your suffering(s) has made you uniquely "special".
Special? How is that, you may ask. One common belief associated with this self-imposed "special" status as victims is to believe that no one or nothing will ever "understand" your pain like you, yourself does.
Taken to the next level, if no one or nothing is capable of understanding your pain like you do, then no one or nothing will ever be able to truly help you "heal" from that pain once and for all.
And since no one or nothing will ever be able to understand your pain and what you have been through....and no one or nothing can ever help you truly heal from your past or present wounds once and for all....then you are ALSO believing that you are somehow condemned to "suffer" alone with your pain until...??? (Until YOU decide what will make your pain go away?) And these, dear reader, are just a few examples of how a single core belief about being "special" as a victim of terrible injustice can play out in your life....
On the other end of the spectrum revolving around this core belief of "I am special and nobody knows or will ever understand what I have been through in life but me.." are those "victims" who also believe that they are "specially" gifted to FIX, SAVE, and/or RESCUE someone ELSE who is also wounded. Uh....no! This is NOT the proper way to rationalize your own wounds and pain as having a "bigger purpose" BEFORE that woundedness and pain has ever been properly addressed and treated by the appropriately licensed professional! Thinking you can fix, save, or rescue someone else when you can barely see past the drama of your own life is like trying to take a speck out of someone else's eyeball when you have a 2' x 4' log stuck in your own! It just can't be done "right". All this kind of "codependent" help does is perpetuate the pattern of someone stuck in the "giver" role...and someone else stuck in the "taker" role in their relationship with each other. Over time, "givers" burn out while becoming more and more resentful and bitter. "Takers" on the other hand, become more and more dependent on others and less and less personally responsible.
Next time, Part II on this topic of Grandiosity vs. Humility....