The never-ending middle is a hard place to live and function in. After all, don't most things in life have a beginning---a middle---and then an end? I don't know about you, but I have had more than my share of never-ending middles throughout my lifetime thus far. Ask any childhood survivor of parental neglect and abuse and you'll understand what I'm talking about. Being born and raised in hell is no place to be stuck when that particular never-ending middle often lasts for a minimum of 18 years. Adult children of divorce often speak to me of the time frame when dad or mom first started fighting on a routine basis...to the time when one or the other moved out and the divorced was finalized. Another kind of never-ending middle.
Never-ending middles are not easily defined. Anything that causes a person to feel stuck in a circumstance or situation that is not changing for the better (or the worse!) can represent a never-ending middle in their own life. Even if that never-ending middle is happening to someone else and not to them directly.
I've spoken often in my blog about my 99 year old uncle. This month is his two year anniversary when he first entered "rehab" for a medical issue that should have had him discharged within a month or so. It didn't work out that way. My uncle has slowly but steadily lost all use and function of his legs, his hands, and now his ability to speak. That's been a definite never-ending middle experience in his life and in ours (as his family) for the past 24 months.
I have a friend who has struggled with severe allergies and skin problems since childhood. She never knows when she will break out---when she will get stung or bit by something that will cause her throat to close shut---or when something "new" she eats has an adverse affect on her gastrointestinal system. This never-ending middle has cost her the ability to actively participate in many social events; it has also cost her a number of relationships. In her case, she admits to having "expected" close friends and family to remember what she can and can't swallow, do, or be exposed to. "I would get disappointed over and over again because they forgot", she states, "but then I realized why should they think of me and the details of my life to the same extent they think of their own?" She's right.
Being forced into a never-ending middle either directly or indirectly obviously changes the way we will communicate and relate to each other. What you or I "see" and "understand" is not necessarily what others will also see and understand (or want to!)---no matter how many times you try to "educate" them about the details of your own never-ending middle. People can only take in so much information that doesn't relate to them directly; if you throw some ADHD in there, forget it on all counts (without proper medication that is!). Punctuating each conversation with your temperature changes or your dietary changes or your "whatever else" changes....no good. Don't do it. Instead of winning friends and influencing people...you will lose friends and become alienated without ever knowing or understanding "How did this happen to me?!" People don't like other people who keep talking about the same never-ending middle "thing" every time they communicate. The best example of this phenomenon in my own life (and I apologize in advance for this to all my friends and family members!) were/are all the times I've talked about my own weight-related issues. As I have learned, an action beats a feeling every time. Instead of just talking about that never-ending middle, DO something about it if you have the power to transition that never-ending middle to an "end".
Making positive changes isn't easy. It takes work to practice censoring yourself when your natural bent is to yap yap yap something to death without doing anything "real" or "positive" to change it. Of course, for those never-ending middles you cannot change by your own steam...the fact still remains that the people you talk to in life are NOT God. They can't shaazam instant healing or recovery into your never-ending middle situation no sooner than they can into their own. Instead of always making a point to bring up the "NEM" subject in each one of your conversations...try practicing NOT bringing it up in each one of your conversations! If you have to bring it up to anyone, bring it up and take it up to God along with all of your other cares and concerns. After all, He is the only one who carries all those cares, concerns, and never-ending middles (NEMs!) on His shoulders. We mere humans do not and cannot.
In the meantime, learning how to have fun in spite of your never-ending middle is a good practice. I know you think you don't have the time. Do you think you're the only one in life going through what you are and, as a result, the only one who "can't" do this or "can't" do that on a daily basis? Forget it. It's an excuse. A good friends' neice has been bedridden for 16 years and literally cannot move out of her bed due to a multitude of physical and medical issues she's been plagued with since her teen years. Most recently, her teeth began falling out. In spite of what appears to be a very bleak "never-ending middle" situation for this young woman, she has STILL managed to use the Internet and Facebook as a means to live and interact with others in a positive way. And do YOU think she's on there communicating "Oh, my right bicuspid fell out at 1:00PM yesterday and it landed on my chest and it was yellowish-white in color..." NO, she does not! She has learned that in order to HAVE a friend...she needs to BE a friend...and not focusing 24/7 on her own never-ending middle in her communications with others. She can also play games on the net, read about subjects she loves, do her pinterest boards, etc. etc. Just because we are in a never-ending middle doesn't mean we can't live with "fun" in our lives! We can. And you can too.
So---there you have it. My two cents on never-ending middles. And don't forget...if you need help with getting your head back on straight, that's what psychotherapy is for with someone like me. So make the call if you need to in resolving the issues associated with your own never-ending middle!
Never-ending middles are not easily defined. Anything that causes a person to feel stuck in a circumstance or situation that is not changing for the better (or the worse!) can represent a never-ending middle in their own life. Even if that never-ending middle is happening to someone else and not to them directly.
I've spoken often in my blog about my 99 year old uncle. This month is his two year anniversary when he first entered "rehab" for a medical issue that should have had him discharged within a month or so. It didn't work out that way. My uncle has slowly but steadily lost all use and function of his legs, his hands, and now his ability to speak. That's been a definite never-ending middle experience in his life and in ours (as his family) for the past 24 months.
I have a friend who has struggled with severe allergies and skin problems since childhood. She never knows when she will break out---when she will get stung or bit by something that will cause her throat to close shut---or when something "new" she eats has an adverse affect on her gastrointestinal system. This never-ending middle has cost her the ability to actively participate in many social events; it has also cost her a number of relationships. In her case, she admits to having "expected" close friends and family to remember what she can and can't swallow, do, or be exposed to. "I would get disappointed over and over again because they forgot", she states, "but then I realized why should they think of me and the details of my life to the same extent they think of their own?" She's right.
Being forced into a never-ending middle either directly or indirectly obviously changes the way we will communicate and relate to each other. What you or I "see" and "understand" is not necessarily what others will also see and understand (or want to!)---no matter how many times you try to "educate" them about the details of your own never-ending middle. People can only take in so much information that doesn't relate to them directly; if you throw some ADHD in there, forget it on all counts (without proper medication that is!). Punctuating each conversation with your temperature changes or your dietary changes or your "whatever else" changes....no good. Don't do it. Instead of winning friends and influencing people...you will lose friends and become alienated without ever knowing or understanding "How did this happen to me?!" People don't like other people who keep talking about the same never-ending middle "thing" every time they communicate. The best example of this phenomenon in my own life (and I apologize in advance for this to all my friends and family members!) were/are all the times I've talked about my own weight-related issues. As I have learned, an action beats a feeling every time. Instead of just talking about that never-ending middle, DO something about it if you have the power to transition that never-ending middle to an "end".
Making positive changes isn't easy. It takes work to practice censoring yourself when your natural bent is to yap yap yap something to death without doing anything "real" or "positive" to change it. Of course, for those never-ending middles you cannot change by your own steam...the fact still remains that the people you talk to in life are NOT God. They can't shaazam instant healing or recovery into your never-ending middle situation no sooner than they can into their own. Instead of always making a point to bring up the "NEM" subject in each one of your conversations...try practicing NOT bringing it up in each one of your conversations! If you have to bring it up to anyone, bring it up and take it up to God along with all of your other cares and concerns. After all, He is the only one who carries all those cares, concerns, and never-ending middles (NEMs!) on His shoulders. We mere humans do not and cannot.
In the meantime, learning how to have fun in spite of your never-ending middle is a good practice. I know you think you don't have the time. Do you think you're the only one in life going through what you are and, as a result, the only one who "can't" do this or "can't" do that on a daily basis? Forget it. It's an excuse. A good friends' neice has been bedridden for 16 years and literally cannot move out of her bed due to a multitude of physical and medical issues she's been plagued with since her teen years. Most recently, her teeth began falling out. In spite of what appears to be a very bleak "never-ending middle" situation for this young woman, she has STILL managed to use the Internet and Facebook as a means to live and interact with others in a positive way. And do YOU think she's on there communicating "Oh, my right bicuspid fell out at 1:00PM yesterday and it landed on my chest and it was yellowish-white in color..." NO, she does not! She has learned that in order to HAVE a friend...she needs to BE a friend...and not focusing 24/7 on her own never-ending middle in her communications with others. She can also play games on the net, read about subjects she loves, do her pinterest boards, etc. etc. Just because we are in a never-ending middle doesn't mean we can't live with "fun" in our lives! We can. And you can too.
So---there you have it. My two cents on never-ending middles. And don't forget...if you need help with getting your head back on straight, that's what psychotherapy is for with someone like me. So make the call if you need to in resolving the issues associated with your own never-ending middle!