The art of romance is a very interesting phenomenon. I liken it to a gorgeously decorated and iced six-layer cake (think "Cake Boss" here folks!)....but once you cut into it, you have a 50/50 chance of seeing something (or nothing!) underneath that flowery surface. Don't misunderstand me; I do believe that "genuine" romance has its place in any primary love relationship...but not when it is misused and abused to control and manipulate one another. Why and how could this be true? There are several reasons. "Romance-izers" (as I will refer to them now) just know how to work it. They have figured out that flattery---grandiose "romantic" gestures---flowery language and promises----and idealization of their desired object of affection all "work" to keep their relationship in the clouds. Kind of like keeping your feet firmly implanted on the air. True romantics as opposed to romance-izers have discovered and genuinely appreciate "who" you authentically are as a person and celebrate you for your qualities and character traits; however, they don't use romance-izing as a tool to distract you away from daily reality. People still have to work...people still need to get and remain sober for more than a season...people still have to "do the right thing" whatever that thing is. Romance, unfortunately, can be one heck of a way to communicate to another person the following: "Just believe my b.s. about you and we'll be fine." Yeah right.
From the receiving end of any romance-izer's output, very few men and women would ever think of themselves as being romance addicts. Yet that's what we can and will become if we don't check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. After all, it feels too good to be in a relationship with someone who keeps telling us how A, B, C, D, and E we are (all good!) and how nobody else that he or she has ever met compares to us blah-de-blah. Who wants to have to question any of that? It feels too good! I myself can remember a time when an old boyfriend of mine used to say how "gorgeous" my eyes were and how they hypnotized him every time he looked at me. Funny because when I tried hypnotizing him into getting a job and not quitting or getting fired after a few months---it never happened! ;-) After about a year, I remember thinking to myself, "This guy will do ANYTHING to avoid responsibility! As many men and women do I'm just sayin....
Romantic gestures without the appropriate actions to back up real life in the USA circa 2014 mean very little over time. Listen, could you live your entire life layin' up in a bed all day being fed chocolates from your loved one's hand? Of course not. Bills need to be paid....kids need to be properly cared for....people need to be functioning without the help of weed, beer, cocaine, or lots of adderall. Yet the romance-izers among us want to make their dreams and their dreaming about idealized realities (or people!) the primary focus of their attention. Probably the best romance-izer pile of b.s. I ever heard in recent months was the guy who had a girlfriend of over a year..but kept his ex girlfriend dangling with the ongoing "I never will love anyone as much as I loved you" mantra whenever they spoke. Really? Listen, I'd rather be alone and healthy than sick with someone who ALREADY FOUND SOMEONE ELSE TO BELIEVE HIS B.S. LIKE YOU DID AND STILL DO!
If we could all be flies on the wall in the lives of those who we have loved and left---or who loved and left us---I think we'd be pretty surprised at how the romance-izer's "game" rarely changes much from romantic prospect to romantic prospect. It's kind of like the guy in the bar who keeps using the same line(s) to pick up a woman. "Hey good looking; where's your boyfriend? You're too hot to be here on your own tonite." I don't know why those on the receiving end of this type of b.s. are supposed to swoon like they've never been flattered in life before that moment...but it amazes me how many still do. Even worse, when the man or woman left in the dust still pines after months or years about "the one who best understood me". Give me a break. Don't we see that's part of the game? "I am the only one who KNOWS who you are." "I'll kill myself if you leave me." "I'm nothing without you." About the only thing that really does happen after 5, 10, or 20 years post breakup is that the romance-izer is still at it...and the romance addict is still pining for and/or search for another Mr. or Ms. "Right" who'll adore them forever---or like the one who did at least "once" a long a** time ago....
Romance isn't for dummies...but romance-izers are.
Until next time. And Happy 2014 too by the way!
From the receiving end of any romance-izer's output, very few men and women would ever think of themselves as being romance addicts. Yet that's what we can and will become if we don't check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. After all, it feels too good to be in a relationship with someone who keeps telling us how A, B, C, D, and E we are (all good!) and how nobody else that he or she has ever met compares to us blah-de-blah. Who wants to have to question any of that? It feels too good! I myself can remember a time when an old boyfriend of mine used to say how "gorgeous" my eyes were and how they hypnotized him every time he looked at me. Funny because when I tried hypnotizing him into getting a job and not quitting or getting fired after a few months---it never happened! ;-) After about a year, I remember thinking to myself, "This guy will do ANYTHING to avoid responsibility! As many men and women do I'm just sayin....
Romantic gestures without the appropriate actions to back up real life in the USA circa 2014 mean very little over time. Listen, could you live your entire life layin' up in a bed all day being fed chocolates from your loved one's hand? Of course not. Bills need to be paid....kids need to be properly cared for....people need to be functioning without the help of weed, beer, cocaine, or lots of adderall. Yet the romance-izers among us want to make their dreams and their dreaming about idealized realities (or people!) the primary focus of their attention. Probably the best romance-izer pile of b.s. I ever heard in recent months was the guy who had a girlfriend of over a year..but kept his ex girlfriend dangling with the ongoing "I never will love anyone as much as I loved you" mantra whenever they spoke. Really? Listen, I'd rather be alone and healthy than sick with someone who ALREADY FOUND SOMEONE ELSE TO BELIEVE HIS B.S. LIKE YOU DID AND STILL DO!
If we could all be flies on the wall in the lives of those who we have loved and left---or who loved and left us---I think we'd be pretty surprised at how the romance-izer's "game" rarely changes much from romantic prospect to romantic prospect. It's kind of like the guy in the bar who keeps using the same line(s) to pick up a woman. "Hey good looking; where's your boyfriend? You're too hot to be here on your own tonite." I don't know why those on the receiving end of this type of b.s. are supposed to swoon like they've never been flattered in life before that moment...but it amazes me how many still do. Even worse, when the man or woman left in the dust still pines after months or years about "the one who best understood me". Give me a break. Don't we see that's part of the game? "I am the only one who KNOWS who you are." "I'll kill myself if you leave me." "I'm nothing without you." About the only thing that really does happen after 5, 10, or 20 years post breakup is that the romance-izer is still at it...and the romance addict is still pining for and/or search for another Mr. or Ms. "Right" who'll adore them forever---or like the one who did at least "once" a long a** time ago....
Romance isn't for dummies...but romance-izers are.
Until next time. And Happy 2014 too by the way!