When I was a kid, I must have heard this line a thousand times during my elementary school years: "Mary, settle down!" Back then, that meant to stop doing all the things I would do to distract myself from feeling and being bored. Making cootie catchers was one of my favorite past times. Basically a paper fortune teller, I came up with the "fortunes"...and whomever was playing it with me would choose a series of numbers and/or colors before their particular "fortune" was revealed. Of course, me being me, the fortunes I wrote back then for the boys were much less gracious than those for the girls: "Nobody likes you and you will die soon." I always tried to make sure my classroom bully got that one if he played....
Of course, as the years went by and I still had difficulty "settling down" in class, not much was done to resolve my issues both inside or outside of the classroom. In my own personal opinion, changing households might have done the trick---but that wasn't happening anytime soon.
As I got older and finally left my parental home for good, I remember the various people I met during those key years between 18 and 21 when I was so much more "free" to do whatever I wanted and with whomever I wanted any time of the day or night. I can recall one mutual friend of I and my roommate who called us at 2:30AM one evening to announce she was at the donut shop across the road and did we want her to come over and vacuum our carpeting. We declined the offer, and I still don't know to this day why "T" felt the need to vacuum our carpeting at 2:30AM on a random weekday evening. (I will have to ask her on Facebook after I finish this post!) Yet for all the "non-settling down" activities I pursued during those years....I do remember enjoying random weekend days (or nights!) when I could just sit and look out our front window quietly----or walk around the park right next to our place without saying a word to anyone. I do believe this was the beginning of me learning how to "settle down" and practice just "being" alone----and being quiet---and feeling perfectly o.k. with the whole experience.
Settling down is not something we necessarily think about consciously when the world is so generally loud. I have a plaque over our fireplace at home which states the obvious: "Make time for the quiet moments as God whispers and the world is loud." Yet far too many of us don't take, won't take, can't take, or are afraid to make time for the quiet moments in our lives. If we don't practice making that time to be still and just "be"...how are we going to be able to eventually learn how to calm ourselves, self-soothe, and/or relax? We won't. We will instead fall into the trap that so many of us do; we turn to a drink or a joint or a piece of cake or a pill in order to "slow down" quickly and on demand.
Settling down and practicing "calm" opens us up to many positive outcomes. First and foremost among these is the fact that we can literally lower our own blood pressure by doing so. When we practice being quiet and more calm, our breathing literally slows down; when it slows to eight or fewer times per minute---there is no way we can breathe at that rate and still be anxious or panicky. There are different methods one can try to slow their breathing; I prefer square breathing and often use it with clients who struggle with anxiety and panic disorder.
Besides the physiolgical benefits of "settling down" and relaxing oneself on demand, it allows us to pay better attention to the "good" that surrounds us and that we so often miss. When is the last time you really looked at a spring lilac and inhaled its natural perfume deeply? What are the flowers that are in bloom right now around your place of residence? Can you hear the birds singing outside your window? Do you smell that bread baking in your oven right now? Without cultivating the ability to literally "stop and smell the roses"---or just "stop" and be present in the present moment....we do miss out on so much that is ultimately good for us.
Settling down also helps us to listen more effectively and pay better attention to one another. Have you ever tried to give directions to someone who is highly anxious? Forget it. That's like trying to catch the wind with one's hand. It just isn't going to happen. When a person has their mind on "other things" besides the here and now of the present moment---how can we expect them to not only hear us, but truly listen and retain what we have said? It's pretty much impossible. What often happens instead is that the unsettled person will "think" they heard this or that which was in their own mind---rather than what actually came out of the speaker's mouth. In this way, being able to calm, self-soothe, relax, and settle ourselves down opens the door to better communication AND understanding between ourselves and others.
Getting enough sleep every night, engaging in regular exercise, eating healthy, avoiding substances that naturally stimulate and/or artifically stimulate and/or slow down our central nervous system---these are also things we can do to practice settling down on a daily basis.
I have a plaque in my office which states the following: "Peace: It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." This is the ultimate goal of being able to master the practice of settling down. No matter where we are or what is going on, we can still be "calm" inside ourselves and experience true peace.
Until we meet again....
Of course, as the years went by and I still had difficulty "settling down" in class, not much was done to resolve my issues both inside or outside of the classroom. In my own personal opinion, changing households might have done the trick---but that wasn't happening anytime soon.
As I got older and finally left my parental home for good, I remember the various people I met during those key years between 18 and 21 when I was so much more "free" to do whatever I wanted and with whomever I wanted any time of the day or night. I can recall one mutual friend of I and my roommate who called us at 2:30AM one evening to announce she was at the donut shop across the road and did we want her to come over and vacuum our carpeting. We declined the offer, and I still don't know to this day why "T" felt the need to vacuum our carpeting at 2:30AM on a random weekday evening. (I will have to ask her on Facebook after I finish this post!) Yet for all the "non-settling down" activities I pursued during those years....I do remember enjoying random weekend days (or nights!) when I could just sit and look out our front window quietly----or walk around the park right next to our place without saying a word to anyone. I do believe this was the beginning of me learning how to "settle down" and practice just "being" alone----and being quiet---and feeling perfectly o.k. with the whole experience.
Settling down is not something we necessarily think about consciously when the world is so generally loud. I have a plaque over our fireplace at home which states the obvious: "Make time for the quiet moments as God whispers and the world is loud." Yet far too many of us don't take, won't take, can't take, or are afraid to make time for the quiet moments in our lives. If we don't practice making that time to be still and just "be"...how are we going to be able to eventually learn how to calm ourselves, self-soothe, and/or relax? We won't. We will instead fall into the trap that so many of us do; we turn to a drink or a joint or a piece of cake or a pill in order to "slow down" quickly and on demand.
Settling down and practicing "calm" opens us up to many positive outcomes. First and foremost among these is the fact that we can literally lower our own blood pressure by doing so. When we practice being quiet and more calm, our breathing literally slows down; when it slows to eight or fewer times per minute---there is no way we can breathe at that rate and still be anxious or panicky. There are different methods one can try to slow their breathing; I prefer square breathing and often use it with clients who struggle with anxiety and panic disorder.
Besides the physiolgical benefits of "settling down" and relaxing oneself on demand, it allows us to pay better attention to the "good" that surrounds us and that we so often miss. When is the last time you really looked at a spring lilac and inhaled its natural perfume deeply? What are the flowers that are in bloom right now around your place of residence? Can you hear the birds singing outside your window? Do you smell that bread baking in your oven right now? Without cultivating the ability to literally "stop and smell the roses"---or just "stop" and be present in the present moment....we do miss out on so much that is ultimately good for us.
Settling down also helps us to listen more effectively and pay better attention to one another. Have you ever tried to give directions to someone who is highly anxious? Forget it. That's like trying to catch the wind with one's hand. It just isn't going to happen. When a person has their mind on "other things" besides the here and now of the present moment---how can we expect them to not only hear us, but truly listen and retain what we have said? It's pretty much impossible. What often happens instead is that the unsettled person will "think" they heard this or that which was in their own mind---rather than what actually came out of the speaker's mouth. In this way, being able to calm, self-soothe, relax, and settle ourselves down opens the door to better communication AND understanding between ourselves and others.
Getting enough sleep every night, engaging in regular exercise, eating healthy, avoiding substances that naturally stimulate and/or artifically stimulate and/or slow down our central nervous system---these are also things we can do to practice settling down on a daily basis.
I have a plaque in my office which states the following: "Peace: It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." This is the ultimate goal of being able to master the practice of settling down. No matter where we are or what is going on, we can still be "calm" inside ourselves and experience true peace.
Until we meet again....