Isn't it amazing how some things change dramatically during our lifetimes...while others hardly change at all? When it comes to the disturbed and dysfunctional behaviors of middle school students, very little has changed. I know the whole "Zero Tolerance" campaign (for bullying) has been designed to give school administrators, parents, students, and the community at large the idea that bullying is being eradicated from public school life. My response to that is "I have some snow here to sell to the Eskimos!"
From the stories I have heard over the past decade, today's kids are more at risk of being terrorized, traumatized, and corrupted than ever before in history. Today's blog post is being written to help wake up parents to the truth of what's happening in their own child's middle school. My hope is that parents will begin to initiate some HONEST conversations with their kids about what specifically is going on...and what needs to be done to appropriately solve, resolve, and/or dissolve these problems.
I can remember when I was a kid how Devon Greasy-oh (not his real name, but close enough! LOL!) used to stop me on my way to school and demand that I give him a quarter. Since I was about nine years old at the time, a quarter represented 9/10ths of my lunch money for the day. At first, I was like "Go away Greasy-oh!" and kept walking up the street. Yet he followed me, called me every name but "Mary" that he could think of, and then pushed me down before running off. Needless to say, I started walking a whole other route to and from school each day. But I do recall seeing Devon after that inside the only local gas station between school and our respective houses. He was perched in front of the vending machine that sold candy bars and other fossilized junk food for ten cents a pop. At least I was able to connect his need for dough with his need for Payday candy bars...
Flash forward to 1999. Extortion has become much more complex and slick an enterprise. One kid offers to take a picture (on their phone) of another kid changing their shirt during gym class. That photograph is then being "sold" to the highest bidder (which, at that time was $2.00). The person changing clothes who had no idea this picture was being taken is female; the person buying the photograph for $2.00 is male. A sympathetic observer lets her parent know what happened and the principal is notified. The boy is expelled permanently from the school; the photographer is suspended for a few days. Okay (?) Nobody cared to determine whose idea it was to take the photograph in the first place...but isn't that how life can go.
2015 arrives. "Jay" organizes after-lunch time fights in remote hallways of the school building (or outside during recess) where audience members (other classmates) have the chance to "bet" on who will win the fight between Kid A and Kid B (both "big" kids by the way). But for interest's sake, Kid C might get thrown into the fight just for fun (Kid C being half the size of Kids A & B). "Jay" takes all the money collected for these bets---and then just goes away after the fight is over. I presume "Jay" is prepping himself for a future as a bookie who keeps all his takings. I also presume "Jay" has to pay off Kid A and Kid B something so as not to get his own behind pummeled for lack of payment for services rendered.
I share the above real-life scenarios to make the point that there are kids in your kid's grade or classroom who want and need money and have not figured out any other way to obtain it. Extortion has been around forever; pay attention to how much money your kid takes to school each day and/or doesn't seem to have in spite of what he or she has been given for the day/week/month.
Next....the lunchroom. Everyone has memories of the lunchroom don't they? I can remember standing in line while Ricardo Yelps (again, not his real name, but close enough!) would cut in line.....take something out of someone's hand and start eating it....demand money....and/or wait until a person was through the line and knock over their tray or take their ice cream.
When I was a lunchroom monitor for the short time that I was, I saw a kid pick up another kid's lunchable disc of lunchmeat---and fling it across the table like a flying saucer. When he made eye contact with me immediately afterwards, I had him give part of his lunch to his victim as restitution.
Just the other day, I heard of a middle schooler taking the whole metal container of french fries (as in the metal container meant for the entire grade's lunch hour) over to his table to "share" with his friends. An administrator happened to walk past and took the container back to where it belonged. Was there any consequence for this particular offender? It didn't sound like it. Meanwhile, the real housewives of town volunteering as lunchroom monitors were busy in the corner doing what came most naturally to them: gossiping.
Tray flipping is still alive and well. Taking food from other kids and eating it right in front of them. Smashing sandwiches or throwing them on the floor. Some things never change. Have a conversation. Let your child(ren) tell you what goes on at lunchtime so you can understand what his or her experiences are like. Get and stay involved.
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt...it may be your own status quo when it comes to any attempt(s) at understanding your own child(ren)'s middle school life...
From the stories I have heard over the past decade, today's kids are more at risk of being terrorized, traumatized, and corrupted than ever before in history. Today's blog post is being written to help wake up parents to the truth of what's happening in their own child's middle school. My hope is that parents will begin to initiate some HONEST conversations with their kids about what specifically is going on...and what needs to be done to appropriately solve, resolve, and/or dissolve these problems.
I can remember when I was a kid how Devon Greasy-oh (not his real name, but close enough! LOL!) used to stop me on my way to school and demand that I give him a quarter. Since I was about nine years old at the time, a quarter represented 9/10ths of my lunch money for the day. At first, I was like "Go away Greasy-oh!" and kept walking up the street. Yet he followed me, called me every name but "Mary" that he could think of, and then pushed me down before running off. Needless to say, I started walking a whole other route to and from school each day. But I do recall seeing Devon after that inside the only local gas station between school and our respective houses. He was perched in front of the vending machine that sold candy bars and other fossilized junk food for ten cents a pop. At least I was able to connect his need for dough with his need for Payday candy bars...
Flash forward to 1999. Extortion has become much more complex and slick an enterprise. One kid offers to take a picture (on their phone) of another kid changing their shirt during gym class. That photograph is then being "sold" to the highest bidder (which, at that time was $2.00). The person changing clothes who had no idea this picture was being taken is female; the person buying the photograph for $2.00 is male. A sympathetic observer lets her parent know what happened and the principal is notified. The boy is expelled permanently from the school; the photographer is suspended for a few days. Okay (?) Nobody cared to determine whose idea it was to take the photograph in the first place...but isn't that how life can go.
2015 arrives. "Jay" organizes after-lunch time fights in remote hallways of the school building (or outside during recess) where audience members (other classmates) have the chance to "bet" on who will win the fight between Kid A and Kid B (both "big" kids by the way). But for interest's sake, Kid C might get thrown into the fight just for fun (Kid C being half the size of Kids A & B). "Jay" takes all the money collected for these bets---and then just goes away after the fight is over. I presume "Jay" is prepping himself for a future as a bookie who keeps all his takings. I also presume "Jay" has to pay off Kid A and Kid B something so as not to get his own behind pummeled for lack of payment for services rendered.
I share the above real-life scenarios to make the point that there are kids in your kid's grade or classroom who want and need money and have not figured out any other way to obtain it. Extortion has been around forever; pay attention to how much money your kid takes to school each day and/or doesn't seem to have in spite of what he or she has been given for the day/week/month.
Next....the lunchroom. Everyone has memories of the lunchroom don't they? I can remember standing in line while Ricardo Yelps (again, not his real name, but close enough!) would cut in line.....take something out of someone's hand and start eating it....demand money....and/or wait until a person was through the line and knock over their tray or take their ice cream.
When I was a lunchroom monitor for the short time that I was, I saw a kid pick up another kid's lunchable disc of lunchmeat---and fling it across the table like a flying saucer. When he made eye contact with me immediately afterwards, I had him give part of his lunch to his victim as restitution.
Just the other day, I heard of a middle schooler taking the whole metal container of french fries (as in the metal container meant for the entire grade's lunch hour) over to his table to "share" with his friends. An administrator happened to walk past and took the container back to where it belonged. Was there any consequence for this particular offender? It didn't sound like it. Meanwhile, the real housewives of town volunteering as lunchroom monitors were busy in the corner doing what came most naturally to them: gossiping.
Tray flipping is still alive and well. Taking food from other kids and eating it right in front of them. Smashing sandwiches or throwing them on the floor. Some things never change. Have a conversation. Let your child(ren) tell you what goes on at lunchtime so you can understand what his or her experiences are like. Get and stay involved.
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt...it may be your own status quo when it comes to any attempt(s) at understanding your own child(ren)'s middle school life...