In Greek mythology, Pygmalion was a talented Greek sculptor from Cyprus. After he had become disgusted by the local prostitutes he was seeing, he lost all interest in women and avoided their company. (Geez Pygmalion, think you could have considered dating someone you didn't have to pay?) ANYWAY, since Pygmalion viewed women as deeply flawed creatures, he vowed not to waste another moment of his life on them. He dedicated himself to his work as a sculptor...and eventually created "Galatea". Galatea was a beautiful statue of ivory...and of a woman.
By the time Pygmalion finished creating Galatea, he had fallen deeply in love with it. He spent time dressing it up, putting jewelry on it, and embracing it. He had sculpted his own version of female perfection as he himself had interpreted it. Aphrodite, the goddess of love, had mercy on Pygmalion seeing how much he loved this ivory woman who could never love him in return. The next time Pygmalion embraced his ivory statue and kissed it, it came to life. Pygmalion's one and only dream had finally come true...
Man's Pygmalion project has continued on ever since. This project has been to make all those near us...just like us! Don't get me wrong; women are just as guilty for doing this also. This project is impossible of course, but not for lack of effort. To sculpt another person into one's own likeness fails before it even begins. As has been said by author Jack Kersey, remove the fangs of a lion and behold, a toothless lion---NOT a domestic cat. Attempts to change your partner, your child, your employees, your coworkers, or your friends into someone more like yourself can create a change of sorts---but the end result is always a SCAR and not a true and authentic transformation. As men and women, we are both equally at fault for attempting to mold and shape our chosen other(s) into as close a carbon copy image of ourselves as possible.
Why do we do this? Aren't we smart enough to know that nobody can change anybody except ourselves? Yes, we do know this on an intellectual level...but we do not know it on an emotional level.
I remember the time a man had told me that when he first met his future wife, she was smoking a cigarette. He told her emphatically that "..kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray." From that moment on, he claimed, she never smoked again. Bully for him. She ended up leaving him years later for a business colleague OH WELL there went his Pygmalion project down the tubes.
We are quite notorious for noticing the speck in someone else's eyeball without acknowledging the board in our own. For some of the people we choose to mold and shape into our own image, they appear at first glance to be willing participants in our Pygmalion efforts. I know a young couple right now where the woman involved says "Yeah! Sure!" to her boyfriend's suggestions more often than she says "Hi, how are you?" to anybody else. These initially compliant types appear to be quite willing to be whatever their new partner prefers; yet once they are comfortable enough with the relationship, guess what happens? They begin to assert themselves more comfortably too as to what they themselves want, believe, need, feel, like, or don't like, etc. etc. It is at this point where the dam starts to crack and Pygmalion's feelings for his or her previously "perfect" partner start to jangle. "What is THIS fresh hell that has been visited upon me and our relationship?! THIS is not what I signed up for!" Yeah right.
No wonder Whoopie Goldberg once said that if we live with anybody other than ourselves, it's all *))@# up.
Here is our challenge in this life. We must stop trying to coerce others into being "just like I am" in order for ME to have an easier time in and with the relationship. In spite of what we do to try and sculpt our loved one(s) into copies of ourselves...we are also manipulated by them in return. What, you didn't get that memo? Think about it; for some, getting "any" attention at all is better than feeling neglected. And you didn't think that the object of your Pygmalion project undertaking wasn't going to eventually want something in return for all that initial compliance? "The Pygmalion Project: Love and Coercion Among the Types" is a great book by Dr. Stephen Montgomery. It is a fascinating read and highly recommended for those of us who know we are still entrenched in trying to change others to be more like ourselves.
See you next post!
By the time Pygmalion finished creating Galatea, he had fallen deeply in love with it. He spent time dressing it up, putting jewelry on it, and embracing it. He had sculpted his own version of female perfection as he himself had interpreted it. Aphrodite, the goddess of love, had mercy on Pygmalion seeing how much he loved this ivory woman who could never love him in return. The next time Pygmalion embraced his ivory statue and kissed it, it came to life. Pygmalion's one and only dream had finally come true...
Man's Pygmalion project has continued on ever since. This project has been to make all those near us...just like us! Don't get me wrong; women are just as guilty for doing this also. This project is impossible of course, but not for lack of effort. To sculpt another person into one's own likeness fails before it even begins. As has been said by author Jack Kersey, remove the fangs of a lion and behold, a toothless lion---NOT a domestic cat. Attempts to change your partner, your child, your employees, your coworkers, or your friends into someone more like yourself can create a change of sorts---but the end result is always a SCAR and not a true and authentic transformation. As men and women, we are both equally at fault for attempting to mold and shape our chosen other(s) into as close a carbon copy image of ourselves as possible.
Why do we do this? Aren't we smart enough to know that nobody can change anybody except ourselves? Yes, we do know this on an intellectual level...but we do not know it on an emotional level.
I remember the time a man had told me that when he first met his future wife, she was smoking a cigarette. He told her emphatically that "..kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray." From that moment on, he claimed, she never smoked again. Bully for him. She ended up leaving him years later for a business colleague OH WELL there went his Pygmalion project down the tubes.
We are quite notorious for noticing the speck in someone else's eyeball without acknowledging the board in our own. For some of the people we choose to mold and shape into our own image, they appear at first glance to be willing participants in our Pygmalion efforts. I know a young couple right now where the woman involved says "Yeah! Sure!" to her boyfriend's suggestions more often than she says "Hi, how are you?" to anybody else. These initially compliant types appear to be quite willing to be whatever their new partner prefers; yet once they are comfortable enough with the relationship, guess what happens? They begin to assert themselves more comfortably too as to what they themselves want, believe, need, feel, like, or don't like, etc. etc. It is at this point where the dam starts to crack and Pygmalion's feelings for his or her previously "perfect" partner start to jangle. "What is THIS fresh hell that has been visited upon me and our relationship?! THIS is not what I signed up for!" Yeah right.
No wonder Whoopie Goldberg once said that if we live with anybody other than ourselves, it's all *))@# up.
Here is our challenge in this life. We must stop trying to coerce others into being "just like I am" in order for ME to have an easier time in and with the relationship. In spite of what we do to try and sculpt our loved one(s) into copies of ourselves...we are also manipulated by them in return. What, you didn't get that memo? Think about it; for some, getting "any" attention at all is better than feeling neglected. And you didn't think that the object of your Pygmalion project undertaking wasn't going to eventually want something in return for all that initial compliance? "The Pygmalion Project: Love and Coercion Among the Types" is a great book by Dr. Stephen Montgomery. It is a fascinating read and highly recommended for those of us who know we are still entrenched in trying to change others to be more like ourselves.
See you next post!