I've always found it interesting that nobody has to teach us how to complain. We are all experts at it as soon as we practice it for the very first time...and take off with it from there. We can always tick off all the reasons why this person didn't do this for us like they were supposed to---or why that person threw us under the bus for no legitimate reason---etc. etc. etc. When it comes to our bitchin' about this, that, or the other---we certainly need no help in flappin' our own jaws ragged...
Whatever you want to call it, this "Oh woe is me" sh** serves no useful purpose AT ALL. It truly does not! All it does it show other people what a victim you believe yourself to be...and how, as a result, the rest of us are supposed to feel deeply sorry for you and, if possible, start jumping to your tune on demand. Hey---don't get me wrong. I get it if your pants just caught on fire or you fell into a sinkhole; but this incessant moaning and groaning about "I hate my job.." "I hate my boyfriend when he..." "I hate when people treat me like..." serves as your own feeding of the beast within yourself. Of which beast do I reference here? The beast that tells you that your poor wittle fweelings matter SO much more than anybody else's. That's the same beast that also tells you that whatever your poor little heart desires in any given moment, dammit you deserve it because of what you've been through. This entitlement mentality is what makes complainers all the more annoying. It isn't enough to complain about who did what to them and when, NOW they want whatever pieces and parts of us make them feel better "now".
What I am speaking of here is a very bad habit that many people fall into, like a trap, because they don't know how else to behave themselves. It's like their identity as a person gets all wrapped up in "LOOK AT ME! I'M A TRUE VICTIM!" even if what happened to them occurred 10, 20, or 30 years ago. Here's a thought: if you are "stuck" in your victim status maybe NOW would be the time to go get some professional help about that! I certainly don't go around in my life saying "Hi! I'm Mary; I'm a survivor of every type of abuse you can imagine from my childhood. As such, you better kiss my behind whenever we are together and NEVER FORGET what I've been through so you know what a miracle in the flesh I am!" Spare me. We are ALL works in progress and guess what? It doesn't really matter what happened to us as much as it matters WHAT WE HAVE DONE in the aftermath of what happened to us (with our life, with our choices, and with our physical, mental, and spiritual conditions)!
Do I sound harsh? Yes, of course I do to the whiners and complainers among us who are reading this right now. How dare I call out people about their personal suffering! How heartless of me to suggest that people who suffer actually may have a hidden agenda that has to do with getting what they want when they want it---from everybody! Oh, and I forgot about the martyrs out there too. Martyrs represent a unique twist on active victim status; when we throw ourselves under the bus in the name of "My son!" or "My husband!" or "My mother!"....time to re-think what's behind that martyrdom action. Oh yeah, that would be creating new opportunities to PLAY THE VICTIM ALL OVER AGAIN! Isn't that funny? Not really, but it's what all good victim/martyrs tend to do when they've run out of things to complain about (today that is)!
So---sometimes we need to look at the extent to which we bitch and moan about whatever and to whom...and to truly begin that practice of checking ourselves before we wreck ourselves. Nobody likes a Debbie or Donnie Downer. Nobody wants to be with or spend extended time with someone who is constantly complaining about this, that, or the other. In case you forgot, bitching is NOT attractive just sayin'!
For those of us who can't seem to see past our own pain, that's another story entirely. That may represent being "stuck" in something like our own grief about a major and recent loss in our lives...it may represent a pre-existing condition such as an active addiction or depression. And it could also represent a profound dissatisfaction with our own life's choices and an interest in turning ourselves around once and for all. In all cases, nothing like a good therapist to help you with that.
Until next time...
Whatever you want to call it, this "Oh woe is me" sh** serves no useful purpose AT ALL. It truly does not! All it does it show other people what a victim you believe yourself to be...and how, as a result, the rest of us are supposed to feel deeply sorry for you and, if possible, start jumping to your tune on demand. Hey---don't get me wrong. I get it if your pants just caught on fire or you fell into a sinkhole; but this incessant moaning and groaning about "I hate my job.." "I hate my boyfriend when he..." "I hate when people treat me like..." serves as your own feeding of the beast within yourself. Of which beast do I reference here? The beast that tells you that your poor wittle fweelings matter SO much more than anybody else's. That's the same beast that also tells you that whatever your poor little heart desires in any given moment, dammit you deserve it because of what you've been through. This entitlement mentality is what makes complainers all the more annoying. It isn't enough to complain about who did what to them and when, NOW they want whatever pieces and parts of us make them feel better "now".
What I am speaking of here is a very bad habit that many people fall into, like a trap, because they don't know how else to behave themselves. It's like their identity as a person gets all wrapped up in "LOOK AT ME! I'M A TRUE VICTIM!" even if what happened to them occurred 10, 20, or 30 years ago. Here's a thought: if you are "stuck" in your victim status maybe NOW would be the time to go get some professional help about that! I certainly don't go around in my life saying "Hi! I'm Mary; I'm a survivor of every type of abuse you can imagine from my childhood. As such, you better kiss my behind whenever we are together and NEVER FORGET what I've been through so you know what a miracle in the flesh I am!" Spare me. We are ALL works in progress and guess what? It doesn't really matter what happened to us as much as it matters WHAT WE HAVE DONE in the aftermath of what happened to us (with our life, with our choices, and with our physical, mental, and spiritual conditions)!
Do I sound harsh? Yes, of course I do to the whiners and complainers among us who are reading this right now. How dare I call out people about their personal suffering! How heartless of me to suggest that people who suffer actually may have a hidden agenda that has to do with getting what they want when they want it---from everybody! Oh, and I forgot about the martyrs out there too. Martyrs represent a unique twist on active victim status; when we throw ourselves under the bus in the name of "My son!" or "My husband!" or "My mother!"....time to re-think what's behind that martyrdom action. Oh yeah, that would be creating new opportunities to PLAY THE VICTIM ALL OVER AGAIN! Isn't that funny? Not really, but it's what all good victim/martyrs tend to do when they've run out of things to complain about (today that is)!
So---sometimes we need to look at the extent to which we bitch and moan about whatever and to whom...and to truly begin that practice of checking ourselves before we wreck ourselves. Nobody likes a Debbie or Donnie Downer. Nobody wants to be with or spend extended time with someone who is constantly complaining about this, that, or the other. In case you forgot, bitching is NOT attractive just sayin'!
For those of us who can't seem to see past our own pain, that's another story entirely. That may represent being "stuck" in something like our own grief about a major and recent loss in our lives...it may represent a pre-existing condition such as an active addiction or depression. And it could also represent a profound dissatisfaction with our own life's choices and an interest in turning ourselves around once and for all. In all cases, nothing like a good therapist to help you with that.
Until next time...