Everybody knows and has had experiences with big time braggerts. You know, the people who can't just listen to your good news without immediately interjecting their own "better news". Many years ago I was in a salon getting my hair done. Someone mentioned having just endured an annual gynecological exam. Immediately, one of the male stylists piped up and said "I had a colonoscopy last week!" This is what I'm talking about; though I'm not sure a colonoscopy counts as "better" news! LOL!
This compulsion to "one up" anybody to whom we are talking to..or with...is literally maddening. "I just tried Vietnamese food the other night and I loved it!" "I am BUYING a Vietnamese restaurant next week!" "I got a new car with a push button ignition!" "I CREATED the push button ignition!" You catch my drift. People can't just say "Oh that's nice!" anymore and leave it at that. Instead, they have to keep brag-brag-bragging like we're all in a flippin' race to the finish (of what...I do not know!)!
So, the eternal question becomes "What creates the braggert mentality?" It's a very interesting question. Here are my thoughts on that topic for your consideration...now!
1. Braggerts are extremely insecure at their core. They do not feel "acceptable" as they are. Instead, braggerts feel that their personal worth and value comes from what they have..or what they do...or what they have done for someone else. There is no inner "ok-ness" that they feel towards themselves for merely being (here). Braggerts are like a shell without any insides. Their insides are pretty much empty.
2. Braggerts are narcissistic. Bottom line. We are all narcissistic to some degree, but braggerts take narcissism to another level because they really do believe that they can demand and/or obtain exactly what they are wanting or expecting fasterthanyoucanreadthis! Hence, you tell a braggert your daughter just got engaged---and they respond by telling you all about their daughter's upcoming wedding until they exhaust themselves. Braggerts rarely ask you any questions about your own good news. Are you kidding? That means you may get more air time than they do when you are together! ;-)
3. Braggerts are lonely people. Think about this. If braggerts really did get as much validation from others as they crave...maybe they wouldn't be on blast 24/7 about what they feel compelled to brag about on any given day (or night!). Braggerts are truly addicted to their need to be validated by others for what they have accomplished, received, done, or are about to do!
4. Braggerts are emotionally unavailable to others. Braggerts can be martyr-ish, there is no doubt about it. They can throw money at you...or cast offs...or whatever else they choose to unload. However, it does not follow that they will also LISTEN to you and offer genuine emotional support during your own time of need. In actual fact, braggerts are often incapable of saying the right thing at the right time to the right person and in the right manner. They are too focused on their own situation...and their own circumstances. Don't be a silly rabbit and expect blood from this turnip!
5. Braggerts are disconnected from people in general. Braggerts don't know how to "be" authentically intimate on a spiritual, emotional, and/or sometimes physical level with anyone. If they are sexually connected to someone...that's about as far as they can go. To be consistently connected...let alone desirous of being connected...not happening with a braggert. Too scary. Too engulfing. Too sacrificial.
How do we gently, but firmly, confront the braggerts in our lives? To start, we can ask "Oh, what made you mention that just now?" when they obviously veer off topic (from what you said) and onto their own "stuff". When they say, "Oh, well when you said that it just reminded me of...", then YOU can say, "If you don't mind, I'd like to talk about this for more than a moment here..." That's how you start. If that's too tough for you, then you are free of course to bring the topic back to what you were saying when the braggert in your life goes off on their own tangent. If you do this however, be prepared for perhaps the longest "game" of ping-pong you didn't expect to become engaged in. "I am getting married!" "My wedding was so fabulous, I..." "We are going to get married in Aruba!" "Oh, we went to Maui last winter and it was amazing!" "I have been looking for beach gowns online there is so many choices!" "I got this Lazaro gown for mine that was only $4,000 on sale!" See what I mean? UGH! DOUBLE UGH! Exhausting UGH!
Try care-frontation instead!
So---that's my two cents on them braggerts among us. Until next time...
This compulsion to "one up" anybody to whom we are talking to..or with...is literally maddening. "I just tried Vietnamese food the other night and I loved it!" "I am BUYING a Vietnamese restaurant next week!" "I got a new car with a push button ignition!" "I CREATED the push button ignition!" You catch my drift. People can't just say "Oh that's nice!" anymore and leave it at that. Instead, they have to keep brag-brag-bragging like we're all in a flippin' race to the finish (of what...I do not know!)!
So, the eternal question becomes "What creates the braggert mentality?" It's a very interesting question. Here are my thoughts on that topic for your consideration...now!
1. Braggerts are extremely insecure at their core. They do not feel "acceptable" as they are. Instead, braggerts feel that their personal worth and value comes from what they have..or what they do...or what they have done for someone else. There is no inner "ok-ness" that they feel towards themselves for merely being (here). Braggerts are like a shell without any insides. Their insides are pretty much empty.
2. Braggerts are narcissistic. Bottom line. We are all narcissistic to some degree, but braggerts take narcissism to another level because they really do believe that they can demand and/or obtain exactly what they are wanting or expecting fasterthanyoucanreadthis! Hence, you tell a braggert your daughter just got engaged---and they respond by telling you all about their daughter's upcoming wedding until they exhaust themselves. Braggerts rarely ask you any questions about your own good news. Are you kidding? That means you may get more air time than they do when you are together! ;-)
3. Braggerts are lonely people. Think about this. If braggerts really did get as much validation from others as they crave...maybe they wouldn't be on blast 24/7 about what they feel compelled to brag about on any given day (or night!). Braggerts are truly addicted to their need to be validated by others for what they have accomplished, received, done, or are about to do!
4. Braggerts are emotionally unavailable to others. Braggerts can be martyr-ish, there is no doubt about it. They can throw money at you...or cast offs...or whatever else they choose to unload. However, it does not follow that they will also LISTEN to you and offer genuine emotional support during your own time of need. In actual fact, braggerts are often incapable of saying the right thing at the right time to the right person and in the right manner. They are too focused on their own situation...and their own circumstances. Don't be a silly rabbit and expect blood from this turnip!
5. Braggerts are disconnected from people in general. Braggerts don't know how to "be" authentically intimate on a spiritual, emotional, and/or sometimes physical level with anyone. If they are sexually connected to someone...that's about as far as they can go. To be consistently connected...let alone desirous of being connected...not happening with a braggert. Too scary. Too engulfing. Too sacrificial.
How do we gently, but firmly, confront the braggerts in our lives? To start, we can ask "Oh, what made you mention that just now?" when they obviously veer off topic (from what you said) and onto their own "stuff". When they say, "Oh, well when you said that it just reminded me of...", then YOU can say, "If you don't mind, I'd like to talk about this for more than a moment here..." That's how you start. If that's too tough for you, then you are free of course to bring the topic back to what you were saying when the braggert in your life goes off on their own tangent. If you do this however, be prepared for perhaps the longest "game" of ping-pong you didn't expect to become engaged in. "I am getting married!" "My wedding was so fabulous, I..." "We are going to get married in Aruba!" "Oh, we went to Maui last winter and it was amazing!" "I have been looking for beach gowns online there is so many choices!" "I got this Lazaro gown for mine that was only $4,000 on sale!" See what I mean? UGH! DOUBLE UGH! Exhausting UGH!
Try care-frontation instead!
So---that's my two cents on them braggerts among us. Until next time...