On this Christmas day, I'd like to offer the gift of some inspiring truths that have worked to encourage many of my clients over the past several years. If you find that any of them listed here motivate you in your own journey...all the better! Merry Christmas 2018 and have a happy and healthy 2019!
No one ever led a positive life by thinking negative thoughts...
Do you choose to live in F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real)...or F.E.A.R. (Face Everything and Recover)? The choice is yours.
To lie is to recoil from relationship. When we lie, we have no interest in being authentically understood...nor are we interested in authentically understanding anyone else.
True intimacy = "Into-Me-You-See". There is no true intimacy without rigorous honesty...always!
Arrogance, Belligerence, and Ignorance = the deadly triad of dysfunctional relationships...
When you are most invested in WHO is right, that is arrogance and pride. When you are most invested in WHAT is right, that's humility. Live in humility for a change.
Who you authentically are either compliments or contaminates those around you on a daily basis, period.
There is a major difference between being "nice"...and being "kind". Practice kindness always.
Grace without truth attached is merely a license to stay as dysfunctional as we want. Truth without grace attached is a clanging gong of condemnation. We need both together to encourage each other to heal, change, and grow.
Giving or receiving without expectation is what separates the truly Godly from the truly codependent.
When your expectations are high, so will be your disappointments.
Disappointments unresolved are the kindling of angry feelings over time.
Anger unresolved shifts us from being angry at "the problem" to becoming angry at "the person".
Resentment (at the person) is what develops from hardened chunks of past and present anger towards them.
Resentments, when left to fester, transform into bitterness.
Bitterness is what leads to "Later dude!" and saying goodbye to a relationship that might have been worth saving...with the right interventions attached!
"But you can't live without me!": the battle cry of the codependent giver within each of us.
"But I can't live without you!": ditto...for the codependent taker within each of us.
We are ALL codependent by nature; we just don't know it until we do!
Don't confuse codependency with a faith-based life. God never promoted playing God in someone else's life...or someone else playing God in your life...as a key to long-term relational success!
Nobody "owes" you a good day, a good week, or a good life for that matter. You owe it to you, so do your work!
An alcoholic is someone who has their feet firmly planted in the air.
Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink!
What is the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk will steal your wallet. An alcoholic will steal your wallet and then help you look for it.
Codependency is the willingness to die for a cause so long as you feel good about yourself when you do it.
The codependent lifestyle is the only one in existence where you can throw anyone you claim to love under the wheels of that bus...so long as they never stop depending on you---or you on them!
Motives of Codependent "Taking": Power, pleasure, and avoidance of personal responsibility
Motives of Codependent "Giving" Acceptance, approval, and like/love of another
Outcome of Codependent Lifestyle: Sh** Show on Blast (Chronic feelings of Hurt, Angry, Guilty, Lonely, and Ashamed)
We can only solve, resolve, or dissolve our own real life and right now problems. A "worry" is not a real life and right now problem. It is a catastrophic fiction of your imagination.
When we do not take responsibility for our own issues and problems that we are capable of solving, resolving, or dissolving....we're screwed.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
The pain of the arrows coming out is always greater than when going in...
Observe, but don't absorb.
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
The purpose of looking back at your past is to LEARN THE LESSONS from it that may still be hanging out there. Learn your lessons. Don't go back there just to stare at it---or attempt to relive it.
The purpose of focusing on the future is to PLAN APPROPRIATELY for it...not to fantasize about it or scare the crap out of yourself about all your "What if..?" scenarios.
Obsessing about something does NOT equal doing something productive about "it" whatever it is!
If you are living in a sh** show of cray cray...why aren't you seeking help for that? As in "real" help and not just going over to your bff's house and smoking a joint or getting wasted on a pint of Fireball?
You are the single most important influence as to the quality of your own life. Didn't you receive that memo yet?
We are all special cases...not just you.
If you need some sidewalk chalk because you are such a good "victim" and/or "martyr"...might I suggest the white? It shows up better when you draw that outline of your body on the nearest sidewalk.
Narcissism is nature's way of telling us all that some people really do expect to rule their world!
For the narcissist, a landfill still qualifies as an empire...
To the narcissist there is only the one note song that keeps playing in his or her head: ME ME ME ME ME!
There are no victims...only volunteers.
Hurt people hurt people.
When you keep the faith up, the fear goes down.
Live each day as if it will be your best day ever....so it can be!
When you point your finger at me, you still have three pointing back at you. Watch out before you start pointing out the specs in someone else's eye without considering your own also...
Everyone feels fear when practicing courage and bravery. Better that than doing nothing and allowing evil to prevail anyway...
Going back to an abusive situation is like a dog returning to its own vomit. You may be used to it like that...but what about your minor child(ren)? Are you really that monstrously ignorant of what you are teaching them by your example?
Check yourself....before your wreck yourself.
Happy holidays and 2019! Over and out...till next time!
No one ever led a positive life by thinking negative thoughts...
Do you choose to live in F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real)...or F.E.A.R. (Face Everything and Recover)? The choice is yours.
To lie is to recoil from relationship. When we lie, we have no interest in being authentically understood...nor are we interested in authentically understanding anyone else.
True intimacy = "Into-Me-You-See". There is no true intimacy without rigorous honesty...always!
Arrogance, Belligerence, and Ignorance = the deadly triad of dysfunctional relationships...
When you are most invested in WHO is right, that is arrogance and pride. When you are most invested in WHAT is right, that's humility. Live in humility for a change.
Who you authentically are either compliments or contaminates those around you on a daily basis, period.
There is a major difference between being "nice"...and being "kind". Practice kindness always.
Grace without truth attached is merely a license to stay as dysfunctional as we want. Truth without grace attached is a clanging gong of condemnation. We need both together to encourage each other to heal, change, and grow.
Giving or receiving without expectation is what separates the truly Godly from the truly codependent.
When your expectations are high, so will be your disappointments.
Disappointments unresolved are the kindling of angry feelings over time.
Anger unresolved shifts us from being angry at "the problem" to becoming angry at "the person".
Resentment (at the person) is what develops from hardened chunks of past and present anger towards them.
Resentments, when left to fester, transform into bitterness.
Bitterness is what leads to "Later dude!" and saying goodbye to a relationship that might have been worth saving...with the right interventions attached!
"But you can't live without me!": the battle cry of the codependent giver within each of us.
"But I can't live without you!": ditto...for the codependent taker within each of us.
We are ALL codependent by nature; we just don't know it until we do!
Don't confuse codependency with a faith-based life. God never promoted playing God in someone else's life...or someone else playing God in your life...as a key to long-term relational success!
Nobody "owes" you a good day, a good week, or a good life for that matter. You owe it to you, so do your work!
An alcoholic is someone who has their feet firmly planted in the air.
Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink!
What is the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk will steal your wallet. An alcoholic will steal your wallet and then help you look for it.
Codependency is the willingness to die for a cause so long as you feel good about yourself when you do it.
The codependent lifestyle is the only one in existence where you can throw anyone you claim to love under the wheels of that bus...so long as they never stop depending on you---or you on them!
Motives of Codependent "Taking": Power, pleasure, and avoidance of personal responsibility
Motives of Codependent "Giving" Acceptance, approval, and like/love of another
Outcome of Codependent Lifestyle: Sh** Show on Blast (Chronic feelings of Hurt, Angry, Guilty, Lonely, and Ashamed)
We can only solve, resolve, or dissolve our own real life and right now problems. A "worry" is not a real life and right now problem. It is a catastrophic fiction of your imagination.
When we do not take responsibility for our own issues and problems that we are capable of solving, resolving, or dissolving....we're screwed.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
The pain of the arrows coming out is always greater than when going in...
Observe, but don't absorb.
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
The purpose of looking back at your past is to LEARN THE LESSONS from it that may still be hanging out there. Learn your lessons. Don't go back there just to stare at it---or attempt to relive it.
The purpose of focusing on the future is to PLAN APPROPRIATELY for it...not to fantasize about it or scare the crap out of yourself about all your "What if..?" scenarios.
Obsessing about something does NOT equal doing something productive about "it" whatever it is!
If you are living in a sh** show of cray cray...why aren't you seeking help for that? As in "real" help and not just going over to your bff's house and smoking a joint or getting wasted on a pint of Fireball?
You are the single most important influence as to the quality of your own life. Didn't you receive that memo yet?
We are all special cases...not just you.
If you need some sidewalk chalk because you are such a good "victim" and/or "martyr"...might I suggest the white? It shows up better when you draw that outline of your body on the nearest sidewalk.
Narcissism is nature's way of telling us all that some people really do expect to rule their world!
For the narcissist, a landfill still qualifies as an empire...
To the narcissist there is only the one note song that keeps playing in his or her head: ME ME ME ME ME!
There are no victims...only volunteers.
Hurt people hurt people.
When you keep the faith up, the fear goes down.
Live each day as if it will be your best day ever....so it can be!
When you point your finger at me, you still have three pointing back at you. Watch out before you start pointing out the specs in someone else's eye without considering your own also...
Everyone feels fear when practicing courage and bravery. Better that than doing nothing and allowing evil to prevail anyway...
Going back to an abusive situation is like a dog returning to its own vomit. You may be used to it like that...but what about your minor child(ren)? Are you really that monstrously ignorant of what you are teaching them by your example?
Check yourself....before your wreck yourself.
Happy holidays and 2019! Over and out...till next time!