When we live in a chronic state of anything negative, we don't like it. That's a fact. Chronic pain...chronic confusion...chronic fear....anger....loneliness....guilt...shame...ambivalence... I could go on, but I won't. I think you get the idea. So what are we supposed to do about it? How do we "un" chronic ourselves in ways that don't add to the existing fire within us? Today's blog post is about the process involved in getting from where you are right now, in your present life, to a place of being able to take the very BEST care of yourself, on a daily and ongoing basis, so that you ARE living your own best life possible!
First, it doesn't matter if you are a single person who never married with no kids---or have been married for 55 years with 13 kids and 30 grandchildren. You can LEARN and PRACTICE how to take the very best care of you in spite of your status. No excuses. Let's make that clear here and now. Too many of us have been conditioned to use our chronic feelings of being "overwhelmed" as a reason (aka EXCUSE!) to NOT do what we should be doing to regulate our own emotions in an appropriate manner. Believe me, nobody can regulate their own emotions successfully when they do what is easy...as opposed to what is truly "right" to do!
A cocktail or a beer is NOT the way to improve your present mood, okay?! Just sayin'! A "glass" of wine that is basically a bottle poured into the largest wine glass ever is NOT "Mommy Juice"; it is a crap ton of alcohol! Popping Adderall...or Somas...or Norco...or Oxy....hello!!!!??? If you rely on substances to keep your emotions in check, this is like choosing to walk on hot coals because you woke up with a chill this morning. Spare me!
As such, the first thing you have to acknowledge and recognize is that regulating your emotions...elevating your mood...stabilizing yourself mentally, psychologically, and spiritually speaking...all of these things are possible when you DO THE RIGHT THING for yourself each and every moment of each and every day---and NOT the "easy" thing! Didn't you ever notice that when you wake up in the morning and feel more negative than positive...that THIS state of mind can take you down into the abyss by the end of that same day?! No? Are you freaking kidding me right now? Get a clue!
When you start out your day literally thinking to yourself "OH NO!" instead of "OH YES!"---you don't believe that has an impact on the rest of your day and how you will function? Now think about what you watched, read, or listen to this morning before you left for work---or just up until this very moment in time. How did "that" affect the way you feel right now? When our daughter was little, the Jerry Springer show first aired on daytime television. I cringed every time I thought of mothers who had that sh** on while their small children were left in front of the set exposed that utter garbage. Then...all these years later...I of course have seen the shows when the current guests say "I watched your show Jerry all my life!" OMG stop! And we wonder how those "influences" we don't even recognize as influences have contributed to the ways we think, feel, and behave?! We're kidding ourselves right?!
How about this idea: any day this week---if you wake up feeling "bad"---ask Alexa or Siri to play you your absolutely favorite song as you are getting ready for your day. (And puleeze don't let that song be "Kill Yourself!" okay?!) Then when that song is done, ask for your next favorite! Keep it going until you leave the house. Now---how do you feel? How are you thinking? What's your mood like? Whether you have Alexa or Siri or not---you CAN change your mind (and your emotional state) by your own choice(s). Read an affirmation or a daily devotion before you get up and out of bed....or at breakfast. Let what you read focus your mind on what is "good" for you to start your day. Turn on the t.v. and watch something that INSPIRES you rather than gets your back up. You understand about these "inputs" right? If you don't...get a clue. As in right now get a clue. When garbage goes in...only garbage comes out!
Sometimes we need to conduct what I refer to as a Lifestyle Autopsy to identify what it is you ARE doing, habitually, on a daily or nightly basis, to take yourself down---rather than to lift yourself up! Just as described here...what do you "do" (read/watch/listen to) as you are getting ready for your day each day? Who are you talking to? Who is talking to you? If you live with parents or roommates or anybody else who feels free to decimate you from the moment you wake up each day (as one example!)...can you share with us here and now why you are continuing to allow that? Have you lost your own voice? Or are you caught up in a dynamic that is like the Friday night fights...that goes on pretty much every morning instead of waiting until just Friday night? Catching my drift here I hope!
Once you get up...and dress up for your day...are you eating? Are you taking your prescribed medication? Are you drinking water? Don't laugh. Do you know how many people leave their houses each day without putting "any" fuel in their own gas tank (meaning inside one's own body!). How is that going to work? It just doesn't!
The "rush" thing is also a oxymoronic habit if you ask me. If you find yourself rushing all over the place in order to get where you need to be by such-and-such time...what the hell purpose does the "rush" serve in your life? You like cortisol and adrenaline coursing through your veins so early in your day? Why? Are you nyuckin' futs? Who wants that? SEE WHAT I MEAN! Check yourself before you wreck yourself there Bucko!
I have known so many "late" people in my life...all that taught me was that they have other, more important, sh** that they feel is a higher priority than whatever else it is or was they were supposed to be doing instead at that time. It also taught them that they CAN remain in control of their own schedule, even when it disrespects the other person(s)' involved. Being late...and chronically late...is NOT a sign of an appropriately responsible AND emotionally mature adult. It just isn't. You want to play that game with yourself---it's your life. But believe me, just that habit alone DOES contribute to your negative feelings you have about yourself---and others---because it's a WRONG way to function in this life, just sayin'!
As an exercise, begin documenting your days in terms of your mental and emotional state from the time you get up---until the time you go to bed at night. For a week...just for a week. Include in your documentation, what you "did" or "didn't do" that you believe contributed to you having that "bad day" that lasted longer than you wanted. Who did you talk to that day and about what? What did you watch on t.v.? Listen to on the radio? Read? Do online? What did you eat/drink/smoke/ingest? Where did you go? How much time did you spend moving your body (or not)? Was your day one where you "felt" in control of yourself...or not? Why not? If you felt very bad, what did you actually do to make yourself feel better quickly?
Without becoming aware of what's going on with you---you won't!
Next time, Part II on this important topic for all of us...
;-)
First, it doesn't matter if you are a single person who never married with no kids---or have been married for 55 years with 13 kids and 30 grandchildren. You can LEARN and PRACTICE how to take the very best care of you in spite of your status. No excuses. Let's make that clear here and now. Too many of us have been conditioned to use our chronic feelings of being "overwhelmed" as a reason (aka EXCUSE!) to NOT do what we should be doing to regulate our own emotions in an appropriate manner. Believe me, nobody can regulate their own emotions successfully when they do what is easy...as opposed to what is truly "right" to do!
A cocktail or a beer is NOT the way to improve your present mood, okay?! Just sayin'! A "glass" of wine that is basically a bottle poured into the largest wine glass ever is NOT "Mommy Juice"; it is a crap ton of alcohol! Popping Adderall...or Somas...or Norco...or Oxy....hello!!!!??? If you rely on substances to keep your emotions in check, this is like choosing to walk on hot coals because you woke up with a chill this morning. Spare me!
As such, the first thing you have to acknowledge and recognize is that regulating your emotions...elevating your mood...stabilizing yourself mentally, psychologically, and spiritually speaking...all of these things are possible when you DO THE RIGHT THING for yourself each and every moment of each and every day---and NOT the "easy" thing! Didn't you ever notice that when you wake up in the morning and feel more negative than positive...that THIS state of mind can take you down into the abyss by the end of that same day?! No? Are you freaking kidding me right now? Get a clue!
When you start out your day literally thinking to yourself "OH NO!" instead of "OH YES!"---you don't believe that has an impact on the rest of your day and how you will function? Now think about what you watched, read, or listen to this morning before you left for work---or just up until this very moment in time. How did "that" affect the way you feel right now? When our daughter was little, the Jerry Springer show first aired on daytime television. I cringed every time I thought of mothers who had that sh** on while their small children were left in front of the set exposed that utter garbage. Then...all these years later...I of course have seen the shows when the current guests say "I watched your show Jerry all my life!" OMG stop! And we wonder how those "influences" we don't even recognize as influences have contributed to the ways we think, feel, and behave?! We're kidding ourselves right?!
How about this idea: any day this week---if you wake up feeling "bad"---ask Alexa or Siri to play you your absolutely favorite song as you are getting ready for your day. (And puleeze don't let that song be "Kill Yourself!" okay?!) Then when that song is done, ask for your next favorite! Keep it going until you leave the house. Now---how do you feel? How are you thinking? What's your mood like? Whether you have Alexa or Siri or not---you CAN change your mind (and your emotional state) by your own choice(s). Read an affirmation or a daily devotion before you get up and out of bed....or at breakfast. Let what you read focus your mind on what is "good" for you to start your day. Turn on the t.v. and watch something that INSPIRES you rather than gets your back up. You understand about these "inputs" right? If you don't...get a clue. As in right now get a clue. When garbage goes in...only garbage comes out!
Sometimes we need to conduct what I refer to as a Lifestyle Autopsy to identify what it is you ARE doing, habitually, on a daily or nightly basis, to take yourself down---rather than to lift yourself up! Just as described here...what do you "do" (read/watch/listen to) as you are getting ready for your day each day? Who are you talking to? Who is talking to you? If you live with parents or roommates or anybody else who feels free to decimate you from the moment you wake up each day (as one example!)...can you share with us here and now why you are continuing to allow that? Have you lost your own voice? Or are you caught up in a dynamic that is like the Friday night fights...that goes on pretty much every morning instead of waiting until just Friday night? Catching my drift here I hope!
Once you get up...and dress up for your day...are you eating? Are you taking your prescribed medication? Are you drinking water? Don't laugh. Do you know how many people leave their houses each day without putting "any" fuel in their own gas tank (meaning inside one's own body!). How is that going to work? It just doesn't!
The "rush" thing is also a oxymoronic habit if you ask me. If you find yourself rushing all over the place in order to get where you need to be by such-and-such time...what the hell purpose does the "rush" serve in your life? You like cortisol and adrenaline coursing through your veins so early in your day? Why? Are you nyuckin' futs? Who wants that? SEE WHAT I MEAN! Check yourself before you wreck yourself there Bucko!
I have known so many "late" people in my life...all that taught me was that they have other, more important, sh** that they feel is a higher priority than whatever else it is or was they were supposed to be doing instead at that time. It also taught them that they CAN remain in control of their own schedule, even when it disrespects the other person(s)' involved. Being late...and chronically late...is NOT a sign of an appropriately responsible AND emotionally mature adult. It just isn't. You want to play that game with yourself---it's your life. But believe me, just that habit alone DOES contribute to your negative feelings you have about yourself---and others---because it's a WRONG way to function in this life, just sayin'!
As an exercise, begin documenting your days in terms of your mental and emotional state from the time you get up---until the time you go to bed at night. For a week...just for a week. Include in your documentation, what you "did" or "didn't do" that you believe contributed to you having that "bad day" that lasted longer than you wanted. Who did you talk to that day and about what? What did you watch on t.v.? Listen to on the radio? Read? Do online? What did you eat/drink/smoke/ingest? Where did you go? How much time did you spend moving your body (or not)? Was your day one where you "felt" in control of yourself...or not? Why not? If you felt very bad, what did you actually do to make yourself feel better quickly?
Without becoming aware of what's going on with you---you won't!
Next time, Part II on this important topic for all of us...
;-)