What is your earliest memory of experiencing a major "Ah ha!" moment that you knew at the time you should NEVER ever forget? It's funny about those moments, isn't it? We tend to remember them when they are positive in nature; we just as easily tend to forget them when they are not. That's how it is. Today's blog post is about revelations and the power they have to help us....to hurt us...and/or to keep us stuck in the never-ending middle of our present circumstances....
When it comes to our close personal relationships, the disappointments come easy. We all have expectations. I've blogged about that endless times before. We expect what we do from whomever and whenever---and when what we expect doesn't happen, we initially feel that major pinch of disappointment. Left unresolved or ignored altogether, the disappointments will mount as it relates to that particular person and our own expectations of them over time. "I have asked you every time we get together to please be on time!" as one example. "Do you think your clothes truly belong on the floor instead of inside the laundry hamper?" "Did you really need to drink those six beers again tonight?" blah blah blah....
As disappointments mount because of what-we-find-offensive behaviors haven't changed...this is when anger rears its ugly head. Anger is its own dysfunctional reward for the frustrations associated with being and feeling disappointed (over and over again!) and the inability to negotiate and compromise mutually-satisfying results. Now add to the mix how the offender feels being told that he or she should change and do this because you asked---or said so. Now we have the double whammy of anger working in both directions. Nobody likes being told "what" to do, let alone feeling "I love you, now change!"
Over time, that anger can catch on fire and turn into rage; that's not any surprise. That anger and rage can also morph with time and more drama into deep resentment and bitterness. When it gets to this point, the people involved in the relationship become basically as "bad" and as screwed up as each other (both abusive, both caught up in their "problem suffering", and both unable to see their way out of their present circumstances!)...or one has finally decided to find the courage to jump ship and leave the relationship for good.
When we were a young couple, my husband and I knew another couple where the wife was "too fat" for her husband. And everybody knew it because he was that kind of husband...aka a d**k. Although we didn't see them outside of the context of a social group we were part of...I felt terrible for her. She literally walked around with her head down more often than up. And he (for God knows what delusional reasons!) thought himself to be quite the BMOC (big man on campus) type. Yes, he happened to be in shape, but his communication style was abysmal. If he wasn't talking about what interested him, he wasn't interested! You know, the one note song type of person: ME ME ME ME ME!
ANYWAY, after about a year of him beotching about her weight whenever our group got together, word on the street was that he was having an affair with a beanpole from work. One thing led to another and eventually the original couple here got divorced (and thankfully, no minor children attached to that hot mess either!). About two years later I ran into his ex-wife. She looked fabulous. She had lost all the weight and was remarried and happy. I asked her what motivated her decision to lose the weight she did; she said it was getting rid of her first husband. We laughed. I understood.
Revelations can be like that too. When the harsh judgments, false accusations, and nefarious behaviors fly fast and furiously...while the emotional support is extremely slim and/or non-existent...what else is there to know and realize? We can only kid ourselves so long before we end up losing who we authentically are as a person---and our own ability to take proper care of ourselves on a regular basis. The woman here released herself from her narcissistic and abusive spouse so she could finally be freed of his undue and never-ending negative influence over her. Good for her! The truth was revealed and she paid attention to it, acted on it, and got the heck out before it was too late.
My last blog post was about the Wendy Williams saga. Since writing that post, more drama. Of COURSE...more drama! Allegedly her husband bought her a $40,000 watch; oh no, wait! The watch wasn't bought this way and when---it was bought that way and upgraded. WTF?! I tell ya, this is turning into Watch-what-happens-live-gate faster than one can blink! He allegedly wants to separate; she allegedly wants to remain married. WHATEVER DUDES! If all these allegations about their marriage are true, guess what? Wendy likes it like that! Women have been putting up with their husbands' alleged affairs since the beginning of mankind! And...?? If she or any other woman is willing to tolerate what she has for however long, then that's what she is choosing to do, period.
This isn't rocket science. We make choices every day. We realize certain truths every day also when we are open to receiving them. I asked a pothead once if they ever stopped to count how much dope they smoke in a day; this person told me the better question to ask would be when did they ever NOT smoke dope for a day. LOL. Can't argue that logic. We are who we are and we know what we choose and why.
I'm all for choosing revelations and the power they have to transform us into better people. Life may not be easy, but it isn't cheap either. Every day is a gift; squandering our gifts on the wrong people, places, or things...not a good way to live just sayin'. Unless you, of course, like it like that.
Until next time...
When it comes to our close personal relationships, the disappointments come easy. We all have expectations. I've blogged about that endless times before. We expect what we do from whomever and whenever---and when what we expect doesn't happen, we initially feel that major pinch of disappointment. Left unresolved or ignored altogether, the disappointments will mount as it relates to that particular person and our own expectations of them over time. "I have asked you every time we get together to please be on time!" as one example. "Do you think your clothes truly belong on the floor instead of inside the laundry hamper?" "Did you really need to drink those six beers again tonight?" blah blah blah....
As disappointments mount because of what-we-find-offensive behaviors haven't changed...this is when anger rears its ugly head. Anger is its own dysfunctional reward for the frustrations associated with being and feeling disappointed (over and over again!) and the inability to negotiate and compromise mutually-satisfying results. Now add to the mix how the offender feels being told that he or she should change and do this because you asked---or said so. Now we have the double whammy of anger working in both directions. Nobody likes being told "what" to do, let alone feeling "I love you, now change!"
Over time, that anger can catch on fire and turn into rage; that's not any surprise. That anger and rage can also morph with time and more drama into deep resentment and bitterness. When it gets to this point, the people involved in the relationship become basically as "bad" and as screwed up as each other (both abusive, both caught up in their "problem suffering", and both unable to see their way out of their present circumstances!)...or one has finally decided to find the courage to jump ship and leave the relationship for good.
When we were a young couple, my husband and I knew another couple where the wife was "too fat" for her husband. And everybody knew it because he was that kind of husband...aka a d**k. Although we didn't see them outside of the context of a social group we were part of...I felt terrible for her. She literally walked around with her head down more often than up. And he (for God knows what delusional reasons!) thought himself to be quite the BMOC (big man on campus) type. Yes, he happened to be in shape, but his communication style was abysmal. If he wasn't talking about what interested him, he wasn't interested! You know, the one note song type of person: ME ME ME ME ME!
ANYWAY, after about a year of him beotching about her weight whenever our group got together, word on the street was that he was having an affair with a beanpole from work. One thing led to another and eventually the original couple here got divorced (and thankfully, no minor children attached to that hot mess either!). About two years later I ran into his ex-wife. She looked fabulous. She had lost all the weight and was remarried and happy. I asked her what motivated her decision to lose the weight she did; she said it was getting rid of her first husband. We laughed. I understood.
Revelations can be like that too. When the harsh judgments, false accusations, and nefarious behaviors fly fast and furiously...while the emotional support is extremely slim and/or non-existent...what else is there to know and realize? We can only kid ourselves so long before we end up losing who we authentically are as a person---and our own ability to take proper care of ourselves on a regular basis. The woman here released herself from her narcissistic and abusive spouse so she could finally be freed of his undue and never-ending negative influence over her. Good for her! The truth was revealed and she paid attention to it, acted on it, and got the heck out before it was too late.
My last blog post was about the Wendy Williams saga. Since writing that post, more drama. Of COURSE...more drama! Allegedly her husband bought her a $40,000 watch; oh no, wait! The watch wasn't bought this way and when---it was bought that way and upgraded. WTF?! I tell ya, this is turning into Watch-what-happens-live-gate faster than one can blink! He allegedly wants to separate; she allegedly wants to remain married. WHATEVER DUDES! If all these allegations about their marriage are true, guess what? Wendy likes it like that! Women have been putting up with their husbands' alleged affairs since the beginning of mankind! And...?? If she or any other woman is willing to tolerate what she has for however long, then that's what she is choosing to do, period.
This isn't rocket science. We make choices every day. We realize certain truths every day also when we are open to receiving them. I asked a pothead once if they ever stopped to count how much dope they smoke in a day; this person told me the better question to ask would be when did they ever NOT smoke dope for a day. LOL. Can't argue that logic. We are who we are and we know what we choose and why.
I'm all for choosing revelations and the power they have to transform us into better people. Life may not be easy, but it isn't cheap either. Every day is a gift; squandering our gifts on the wrong people, places, or things...not a good way to live just sayin'. Unless you, of course, like it like that.
Until next time...