"Jack" (not his real name) is a junior in high school. Jack should have obtained his driver's license by now, but he hasn't. He completed Segment I of his Driver's Ed training...but decided to "wait" before pursuing Segment II. When asked why he hasn't completed driver's ed, Jack really has no definitive answer(s). "I think I'm just going to wait until I'm 18.." Along with this, Jack hasn't yet shown any real interest in obtaining and working at a part-time job. In spite of knowing several same-age neighbors who currently work part-time around town, Jack is extremely reluctant to even specify the "type" of job he'd like to consider pursuing. "I don't know.." is a common response to any questions regarding job interests, future plans upon graduation, and everything else to do with Jack given his age and his current stage of life. According to Jack's mother, he spends most of his time after school in his room and, in spite of Jack claiming to have "friends", no one calls or texts Jack---and no one comes over after school or during weekends. Jack is not a "bad" kid by any stretch; he does well enough academically in school, does his chores without too much complaining, he is a good enough big brother to his two younger siblings, and he has chosen to take his mother or father to events that most interest him (concerts primarily). Jack also remains compliant when expected to attend family functions involving his aunts, uncles, and cousins---though he does keep to himself when present. So...what's wrong with this picture?
"Tia" (not her real name) is also a junior in high school. Unlike Jack, Tia is anything but compliant. She is driving both of her parents and older sibling up the wall. Tia is the knee-jerk "No! No! No!" type of person. Not unlike Jack, Tia is not driving yet either---though her excuse is that she doesn't have access to the "type" of car she wants (of course that would be a 2019 Mustang convertible). Tia does not have a part-time job and shows no interest in obtaining one. Tia has no friends. Tia "hates" social events generally speaking and would rather stay home than go anywhere with any one or more of her family members. Tia also has a history of self injury (cutting) and, according to her mother, dresses for school like she is going to a GT convention (that would be "Game of Thrones" for the uninitiated). (By the way, why are kids even watching GT when it's probably the most graphically offensive television series on cable today? And we wonder why kids struggle with anxiety just sayin'!) Tia also hates school and is doing terribly grades-wise. Tia's college-age brother has found vaping paraphernalia multiple times in the family's basement, but has kept his mouth shut. He already has experienced the "Wrath of Tia" whenever he has been forced to drive her somewhere and she doesn't want to go in the first place. At this rate, Tia won't have to worry about college, because there's no way she'll be accepted anywhere if she manages to even graduate. So...once again...what's wrong with this picture?
Chronic and severe-enough anxiety is what's wrong with this picture. As any two kids can present in completely opposite ways (such as Jack and Tia described above), the common denominator here is their persistent and severe-enough anxiety.
I, myself, have also seen clients whose debilitating physical symptoms of anxiety is what motivated them to seek treatment. "Phil" tightens up in his chest area, has difficulty breathing, and says his stomach feels like it is in knots while doing flips simultaneously. "I've lived with this since 4th grade"...and whenever I got my physical exams, I kept waiting for the doctor to tell my parents I had some big disease", Phil states. "...but that never happened so I figured whatever was going on was something I had to live with forever." In Phil's case, he has consistently chosen to push through his bodily sensations when they become intense; however, Phil chose to seek psychotherapy because he's become so tired of his body feeling so badly. "I just told my father what was going on a couple of weeks ago", says Phil. "He was glad I told him, but he apologized right away too saying he had no idea I was struggling for so many years with feeling this bad." Yep, it can be like that. Unless we express what is going on within us to someone else, how is anyone supposed to understand what's up? They just won't.
Flash forward to "Addie"...another former teen, now in her late 30's, who rolled a lot like Jack's "type" back when she was in high school. Started driver's ed....even managed to get her license when 18 years old...but decided at 20 that she was "done" driving because it was "too stressful". Hasn't driven ever since, by the way. Addie did graduate from high school, but barely. Regarding the job situation, Addie did manage to find part-time and even a full time job for a number of years as a custodian...but now hasn't worked at all for the past three years because "they weren't nice to me" at her last place of employment. (Addie was fired, but it remains unclear at to why..) In other words, Addie is in a self-imposed "retirement" that both of her parents have unfortunately condoned. In Addie's case, she continues to live with her parents, as she never moved out of their home. Addie is single, never married, and has no children. Addie would be considered by many to be a "lovely" lady who adores her parents and enjoys their company best over all others. Addie has no friends. Addie has had no dates. Addie is a 38 year old woman trapped inside the mind of an 80 year old. Her life is essentially over before it even had a chance to begin...
So...reading these scenarios, what have you surmised about the power of chronic and ineffectively-treated anxiety running and ruling a young person's life? If you haven't already guessed, anxiety can truly change a person's thinking to such a degree that it causes us to "freeze" as our own long-term treatment strategy. Instead of achieving and accomplishing what we have been designed to do across all areas of our life, we end up doing not much else but surviving in our day-to-day existence---with or without the "help" of our own substances of choice.
My own father, when he was alive, started smoking cigarettes at three years old! Grant it, it wasn't in this country, but seriously?! At that time, his own father had just died...and his paternal grandfather returned from the U.S. to "care" for his daughter-in-law and grandchildren. That "care" most often took the form of regular beatings. I'm actually surprised my father wasn't doing crack back then, but then again---this was in 1921 so guess not! :-P Sadly, in my father's case, he was a talented carpenter in his own adult life, but he was abysmally "absent" from I and my brother's lives as we grew up. His own life-long anxiety did a major number on his ability to function as a responsible-enough adult man, husband, and father. Complicated by his war experiences, he found his solace being anywhere else BUT home while he was alive. So tragic...and so sad. But that's how chronic and severe anxiety, without proper treatment, can absolutely run and ruin a person's life.
Here are a list of symptoms to pay attention to that would indicate your child/teenager has a "more than typical" issue with anxiety:
1. Pattern of Avoidance
(Doesn't want to "do".... Doesn't want to "be" with.... Doesn't want to "think about"...)
2. Pattern of Isolation
(Most often chooses to be "alone" during free time... Does not engage with family members/sibling(s) by choice within household... Very few if any "real life" friends, in spite
of phone/online activity...)
3. Pattern of Physical Problems
(Falls asleep too often or too easily... Chronic insomnia (can't fall asleep and/or stay asleep)...
Aches, pains, and/or vomiting not associated with a diagnosed medical condition... Eating too much or too little...)
4. Pattern of Substance Use and Abuse
("Up" (Central nervous system stimulant use) vs. "Down" (Central nervous system depressant use) in affect, mood, and behavior.... Sudden weight gain vs. weight loss... Grades in school significantly change (in either direction!)… Significant changes in self care practices (in either direction!). Here, depending on what is being "used" to cope---stimulant use can actually make a person appear to be doing "much better" because they are doing "more" than they ever have historically!
5. Pattern of Increased Risk Taking
(Suicidal ideation and/or acting out... Running away.... Engaging in criminal activity (shoplifting, MIP, online "whatever", etc. etc.)… Speeding tickets... Sneaking out in middle of night... Engaging in self or other-directed abuse...)
Help for kids with anxiety is just a phone call away. www.psychologytoday.com presents the profiles and photos for psychotherapists and psychiatrists operating within your zip code area. Just click on the "Find a Therapist" icon after you have typed in your zip code. All of the therapists serving your zip code area will appear on screen, with their photos. You then click on the photo, and their detailed information will pop up for your consideration and review.
Never forget that if nothing changes, then nothing changes. Good luck!
Until next post...
"Tia" (not her real name) is also a junior in high school. Unlike Jack, Tia is anything but compliant. She is driving both of her parents and older sibling up the wall. Tia is the knee-jerk "No! No! No!" type of person. Not unlike Jack, Tia is not driving yet either---though her excuse is that she doesn't have access to the "type" of car she wants (of course that would be a 2019 Mustang convertible). Tia does not have a part-time job and shows no interest in obtaining one. Tia has no friends. Tia "hates" social events generally speaking and would rather stay home than go anywhere with any one or more of her family members. Tia also has a history of self injury (cutting) and, according to her mother, dresses for school like she is going to a GT convention (that would be "Game of Thrones" for the uninitiated). (By the way, why are kids even watching GT when it's probably the most graphically offensive television series on cable today? And we wonder why kids struggle with anxiety just sayin'!) Tia also hates school and is doing terribly grades-wise. Tia's college-age brother has found vaping paraphernalia multiple times in the family's basement, but has kept his mouth shut. He already has experienced the "Wrath of Tia" whenever he has been forced to drive her somewhere and she doesn't want to go in the first place. At this rate, Tia won't have to worry about college, because there's no way she'll be accepted anywhere if she manages to even graduate. So...once again...what's wrong with this picture?
Chronic and severe-enough anxiety is what's wrong with this picture. As any two kids can present in completely opposite ways (such as Jack and Tia described above), the common denominator here is their persistent and severe-enough anxiety.
I, myself, have also seen clients whose debilitating physical symptoms of anxiety is what motivated them to seek treatment. "Phil" tightens up in his chest area, has difficulty breathing, and says his stomach feels like it is in knots while doing flips simultaneously. "I've lived with this since 4th grade"...and whenever I got my physical exams, I kept waiting for the doctor to tell my parents I had some big disease", Phil states. "...but that never happened so I figured whatever was going on was something I had to live with forever." In Phil's case, he has consistently chosen to push through his bodily sensations when they become intense; however, Phil chose to seek psychotherapy because he's become so tired of his body feeling so badly. "I just told my father what was going on a couple of weeks ago", says Phil. "He was glad I told him, but he apologized right away too saying he had no idea I was struggling for so many years with feeling this bad." Yep, it can be like that. Unless we express what is going on within us to someone else, how is anyone supposed to understand what's up? They just won't.
Flash forward to "Addie"...another former teen, now in her late 30's, who rolled a lot like Jack's "type" back when she was in high school. Started driver's ed....even managed to get her license when 18 years old...but decided at 20 that she was "done" driving because it was "too stressful". Hasn't driven ever since, by the way. Addie did graduate from high school, but barely. Regarding the job situation, Addie did manage to find part-time and even a full time job for a number of years as a custodian...but now hasn't worked at all for the past three years because "they weren't nice to me" at her last place of employment. (Addie was fired, but it remains unclear at to why..) In other words, Addie is in a self-imposed "retirement" that both of her parents have unfortunately condoned. In Addie's case, she continues to live with her parents, as she never moved out of their home. Addie is single, never married, and has no children. Addie would be considered by many to be a "lovely" lady who adores her parents and enjoys their company best over all others. Addie has no friends. Addie has had no dates. Addie is a 38 year old woman trapped inside the mind of an 80 year old. Her life is essentially over before it even had a chance to begin...
So...reading these scenarios, what have you surmised about the power of chronic and ineffectively-treated anxiety running and ruling a young person's life? If you haven't already guessed, anxiety can truly change a person's thinking to such a degree that it causes us to "freeze" as our own long-term treatment strategy. Instead of achieving and accomplishing what we have been designed to do across all areas of our life, we end up doing not much else but surviving in our day-to-day existence---with or without the "help" of our own substances of choice.
My own father, when he was alive, started smoking cigarettes at three years old! Grant it, it wasn't in this country, but seriously?! At that time, his own father had just died...and his paternal grandfather returned from the U.S. to "care" for his daughter-in-law and grandchildren. That "care" most often took the form of regular beatings. I'm actually surprised my father wasn't doing crack back then, but then again---this was in 1921 so guess not! :-P Sadly, in my father's case, he was a talented carpenter in his own adult life, but he was abysmally "absent" from I and my brother's lives as we grew up. His own life-long anxiety did a major number on his ability to function as a responsible-enough adult man, husband, and father. Complicated by his war experiences, he found his solace being anywhere else BUT home while he was alive. So tragic...and so sad. But that's how chronic and severe anxiety, without proper treatment, can absolutely run and ruin a person's life.
Here are a list of symptoms to pay attention to that would indicate your child/teenager has a "more than typical" issue with anxiety:
1. Pattern of Avoidance
(Doesn't want to "do".... Doesn't want to "be" with.... Doesn't want to "think about"...)
2. Pattern of Isolation
(Most often chooses to be "alone" during free time... Does not engage with family members/sibling(s) by choice within household... Very few if any "real life" friends, in spite
of phone/online activity...)
3. Pattern of Physical Problems
(Falls asleep too often or too easily... Chronic insomnia (can't fall asleep and/or stay asleep)...
Aches, pains, and/or vomiting not associated with a diagnosed medical condition... Eating too much or too little...)
4. Pattern of Substance Use and Abuse
("Up" (Central nervous system stimulant use) vs. "Down" (Central nervous system depressant use) in affect, mood, and behavior.... Sudden weight gain vs. weight loss... Grades in school significantly change (in either direction!)… Significant changes in self care practices (in either direction!). Here, depending on what is being "used" to cope---stimulant use can actually make a person appear to be doing "much better" because they are doing "more" than they ever have historically!
5. Pattern of Increased Risk Taking
(Suicidal ideation and/or acting out... Running away.... Engaging in criminal activity (shoplifting, MIP, online "whatever", etc. etc.)… Speeding tickets... Sneaking out in middle of night... Engaging in self or other-directed abuse...)
Help for kids with anxiety is just a phone call away. www.psychologytoday.com presents the profiles and photos for psychotherapists and psychiatrists operating within your zip code area. Just click on the "Find a Therapist" icon after you have typed in your zip code. All of the therapists serving your zip code area will appear on screen, with their photos. You then click on the photo, and their detailed information will pop up for your consideration and review.
Never forget that if nothing changes, then nothing changes. Good luck!
Until next post...