When speaking with a client during a phone session the other night, I had received an email about forgiveness. The story presented was so powerful, I thought to share it here and now for those of us who struggle with forgiveness.
"Ephesians 4:31-32 - "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
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My six year old daughter's voice shocked me on that Saturday morning. "Can you get Jerry something to eat?"
Turning to look at her in shock, confusion, and surprise, I saw her holding her stuffed giraffe. I replied, "I thought his name was Leaves."
She smiled totally unaware of how her question had sent my mind into a whirlwind. "No, he changed it. His name is Jerry."
I was trying to think of how I could quickly convince this beautiful, yet stubborn, strong-willed, and independent girl that her stuffed giraffe's name was NOT Jerry.
You are probably wondering why it matters if my daughter named her stuffed giraffe Leaves, then Jerry, or some other random name. Yet "Jerry" is definitely the only name she could echo that would lead to such a profound and immediate response on my part. You see, I have spent most of my adult life avoiding the name "Jerry". I am thankful that I have never had a close relationship with anyone named Jerry. I am grateful nobody else in my family was named Jerry. Nobody I worked with was named Jerry; you get the picture. I have never had a reason to say the name Jerry out loud in any form or fashion throughout my adult life. For decades now, this man has simply remained "unnamed" in my own mind, body, and spirit.
At some point during the pinnacle of my personal pain, I decided that his identity as a man with that name was no longer worthy of being acknowledged as a proper noun. He no longer deserved the status that you and I have as human beings. He was simply a common noun, reduced to being nothing more than a highly offensive noun in a sea of people who were allotted real names and real identities of their own.
Now, here I was faced with a decision---how would I respond to my daughter calling her stuffed animal that she loved so much----"Jerry"?!
Let's rewind a bit. The power of Jerry's name had held me captive for not just years, but decades. I could not say his name because I was still choosing not to let go. I was choosing to not forgive any part of him---let alone all of him. By choosing not to forgive him, did I believe I was somehow still punishing him for all the pain and torment he caused me? I think I did. In other words, I'd rather keep hating him in my mind and heart so I'd have a sense of control over "punishing" him for all the wrong he perpetrated upon me.
You may or may not be at the point of seeing this from my perspective---but I realize now I wasn't punishing him. I was punishing myself. I was also allowing myself to remain bonded to "Jerry", and more specifically, traumatically bonded to "Jerry" by my inability to let go of him---and everything he did to cause me such intense pain and suffering. In my therapist's office soon after the giraffe incident, I had little intent of letting myself be freed from only his name deep inside me.
But God had a different plan. As my therapist and I talked, I was led to pray a simple prayer. It wasn't a magical formula or equation that took years to formulate. It was just time for me to let God do what He would have done/could have done for me decades earlier. I gave myself permission to let God take away the pain inside me that I had buried deep down within me as it all had to do with that highly offensive noun who was Jerry the man, Jerry the perpetrator, and Jerry from my own past.
After I prayed, I remember telling her how I never referred to "him" by his name because I didn't think he deserved to be identified. She asked me to share his name, and I did. For the first time in decades, I said his name out loud. "Jerry...his name is Jerry." Now simply saying a name may not sound like much, but it was representative of a journey I just agreed to with God. A path of healing that I had been walking since I was a much younger person, but that I rejected as it related to all things and anything to do with that highly offensive noun. I remembered the truth of Psalm 107:20 in these moments: "He sent out His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction."
In choosing to say Jerry's name out loud in my therapist's office that day, I was doing more than just forgiving him, I was attesting to God's strength and His sovereignty. I was attesting to the power of Jesus Christ's Name by being willing to openly speak Jerry's name. I was allowing God to heal me and deliver me from the destruction that I had buried deep within my own heart and spirit all those many many years ago. "Confess your faults to one another so that you may receive your healing." (James 5:16) Yes, Jerry was definitely a fault because his presence no matter how deep I thought I had buried it, was still there!
You may be wrinkling your forehead and wondering "What?!" as you read this. But for me, by holding my memories of Jerry captive in my own heart and spirit, I was reducing AND rejecting God's power to heal me from that chapter of my life. I was saying to myself that the power of Christ...in all its many forms....wasn't enough to remove the Jerry-related resentment and bitterness from my heart and spirit. I had to let go of that resentment and bitterness, not for Jerry's sake---but for my own! I didn't need to keep holding onto those hot coals of anger, rage,and unforgiveness towards Jerry anymore.
By releasing Jerry's name from that dungeon in the depths of my heart, I was choosing to not sin any more in this way.
If there is a name that you have been avoiding, you probably don't need to take any time to think about it. It is probably right there on the tip of your own tongue where it has already been lying dormant for weeks, months, years, and/or decades. How far have you pushed down and buried that name along with all the pain and suffering you know that name and what went with it caused you or someone else you love and care about? The good news about God is that He will meet you exactly where you are at right now. Freedom is possible when we learn to let go and let God. We just forget that fact more often than we should. Never confuse forgiveness with allowing whomever harmed you to "get away with it". The wicked never know the peace of the righteous---not ever.
Until next post....
"Ephesians 4:31-32 - "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
My six year old daughter's voice shocked me on that Saturday morning. "Can you get Jerry something to eat?"
Turning to look at her in shock, confusion, and surprise, I saw her holding her stuffed giraffe. I replied, "I thought his name was Leaves."
She smiled totally unaware of how her question had sent my mind into a whirlwind. "No, he changed it. His name is Jerry."
I was trying to think of how I could quickly convince this beautiful, yet stubborn, strong-willed, and independent girl that her stuffed giraffe's name was NOT Jerry.
You are probably wondering why it matters if my daughter named her stuffed giraffe Leaves, then Jerry, or some other random name. Yet "Jerry" is definitely the only name she could echo that would lead to such a profound and immediate response on my part. You see, I have spent most of my adult life avoiding the name "Jerry". I am thankful that I have never had a close relationship with anyone named Jerry. I am grateful nobody else in my family was named Jerry. Nobody I worked with was named Jerry; you get the picture. I have never had a reason to say the name Jerry out loud in any form or fashion throughout my adult life. For decades now, this man has simply remained "unnamed" in my own mind, body, and spirit.
At some point during the pinnacle of my personal pain, I decided that his identity as a man with that name was no longer worthy of being acknowledged as a proper noun. He no longer deserved the status that you and I have as human beings. He was simply a common noun, reduced to being nothing more than a highly offensive noun in a sea of people who were allotted real names and real identities of their own.
Now, here I was faced with a decision---how would I respond to my daughter calling her stuffed animal that she loved so much----"Jerry"?!
Let's rewind a bit. The power of Jerry's name had held me captive for not just years, but decades. I could not say his name because I was still choosing not to let go. I was choosing to not forgive any part of him---let alone all of him. By choosing not to forgive him, did I believe I was somehow still punishing him for all the pain and torment he caused me? I think I did. In other words, I'd rather keep hating him in my mind and heart so I'd have a sense of control over "punishing" him for all the wrong he perpetrated upon me.
You may or may not be at the point of seeing this from my perspective---but I realize now I wasn't punishing him. I was punishing myself. I was also allowing myself to remain bonded to "Jerry", and more specifically, traumatically bonded to "Jerry" by my inability to let go of him---and everything he did to cause me such intense pain and suffering. In my therapist's office soon after the giraffe incident, I had little intent of letting myself be freed from only his name deep inside me.
But God had a different plan. As my therapist and I talked, I was led to pray a simple prayer. It wasn't a magical formula or equation that took years to formulate. It was just time for me to let God do what He would have done/could have done for me decades earlier. I gave myself permission to let God take away the pain inside me that I had buried deep down within me as it all had to do with that highly offensive noun who was Jerry the man, Jerry the perpetrator, and Jerry from my own past.
After I prayed, I remember telling her how I never referred to "him" by his name because I didn't think he deserved to be identified. She asked me to share his name, and I did. For the first time in decades, I said his name out loud. "Jerry...his name is Jerry." Now simply saying a name may not sound like much, but it was representative of a journey I just agreed to with God. A path of healing that I had been walking since I was a much younger person, but that I rejected as it related to all things and anything to do with that highly offensive noun. I remembered the truth of Psalm 107:20 in these moments: "He sent out His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction."
In choosing to say Jerry's name out loud in my therapist's office that day, I was doing more than just forgiving him, I was attesting to God's strength and His sovereignty. I was attesting to the power of Jesus Christ's Name by being willing to openly speak Jerry's name. I was allowing God to heal me and deliver me from the destruction that I had buried deep within my own heart and spirit all those many many years ago. "Confess your faults to one another so that you may receive your healing." (James 5:16) Yes, Jerry was definitely a fault because his presence no matter how deep I thought I had buried it, was still there!
You may be wrinkling your forehead and wondering "What?!" as you read this. But for me, by holding my memories of Jerry captive in my own heart and spirit, I was reducing AND rejecting God's power to heal me from that chapter of my life. I was saying to myself that the power of Christ...in all its many forms....wasn't enough to remove the Jerry-related resentment and bitterness from my heart and spirit. I had to let go of that resentment and bitterness, not for Jerry's sake---but for my own! I didn't need to keep holding onto those hot coals of anger, rage,and unforgiveness towards Jerry anymore.
By releasing Jerry's name from that dungeon in the depths of my heart, I was choosing to not sin any more in this way.
If there is a name that you have been avoiding, you probably don't need to take any time to think about it. It is probably right there on the tip of your own tongue where it has already been lying dormant for weeks, months, years, and/or decades. How far have you pushed down and buried that name along with all the pain and suffering you know that name and what went with it caused you or someone else you love and care about? The good news about God is that He will meet you exactly where you are at right now. Freedom is possible when we learn to let go and let God. We just forget that fact more often than we should. Never confuse forgiveness with allowing whomever harmed you to "get away with it". The wicked never know the peace of the righteous---not ever.
Until next post....