Anxiety is the #1 mental health issue in our world. Countless books have been written about anxiety; I have my favorites as I am sure you have yours. For those who struggle with chronic and intense feelings of anxiety, life itself is burdensome by the mere act of having to "do" life and relationships each day. Anxiety is also quite confusing. We "know" we aren't really in a life-or-death situation when someone says "No thanks!" to us about something we really wanted them to do for us or with us. Yet when we struggle with high anxiety, that type of negative response to our request(s) can immediately send us into a mental tailspin. "Why NOT!? It's not a big deal!" or...conversely..."Sniff Sniff...as usual what I want from you doesn't even matter.."
Yes, monstrous anxiety significantly impacts "everything". This level and degree of anxiety is like being stuck wearing a pair of triple thick "I AM ANXIOUS!" glasses we cannot take off our heads no matter how much we try! The anxiety we live with distorts EVERY BIT of our present day reality and interactions with others! No matter what is said or what is done, our anxiety is like the filter on those lenses of our triple thick glasses we can't remove! "Hmm...he just said blah blah blah to me...IS HE TELLING ME THE TRUTH!?" "...I wonder why she's so quiet today....SHE MUST BE MAD AT ME FOR SOME REASON!" etc. etc. etc. Chronic and intense anxiety also reduces us down to King and Queen babies (narcissists). We can only see our "own" pain and suffering; our empathy isn't so hot when it comes to genuinely empathizing with the pain and suffering of others. One of the classic respones I hear in session is "Well, nobody understands what I'VE been through because until you have had BLAH BLAH BLAH happen to YOU, you don't get it!" Yes, the chronic and intensely anxious really DO believe "nobody knows the pain I'm in..." As if there's a cosmic and hierarchical standard that deserves top billing! "And here we have Joe! Joe has SUFFERED THE MOST compared to anyone on planet earth because Joe's wife left him for his best friend, took his kids away from him, AND cleaned him out financially in the divorce!" This is the attitude that keeps us stuck in our anxiety, depression, and self-absorption. At some point, we have to DECIDE to walk towards the danger we feel inside ourselves and do what's right anyway...and in any given moment!
Today's blog post is about what we can do to more successfully manage and treat our own anxiety...and what treatment methodologies are proving to be most successful in treating the monster of chronic and intense anxiety over time...
When it comes to treatment, clinician Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk, is one of the most highly regarded experts on trauma and its successful treatment. As he states in his book "The Body Keeps the Score", one of the fundamental functions we DO have control over to help calm ourselves down while at the same time bringing ourselves back to life physiologically is through.....OUR BREATHING! Why do we always forget that? "I had a panic attack and I had to call 911!" "I couldn't breathe! I thought I was having a heart attack!" "I got so upset that I fainted!"
I don't know how many times a person has to hear this truth about the practice of breathing slower and more deeply before it "clicks" and he/she/they actually start doing it! I have blogged about the importance of breathing countless times over the last several years. I talk to clients who struggle with chronic and intense anxiety about this issue very regularly. I have handouts I provide. I demonstrate various forms of breathing so that a "cycle" of in-and-out breath takes ten seconds to complete. (Note: It is literally impossible to feel panic and/or anxiety when you can complete six or fewer cycles of breathing per minute of time.) Instead of breathing in with one's mouth closed...and out with one's mouth open which is the standard for breathing better...I see clients trying to breathe in with their mouth open and out with their mouth shut. EEK! This is not how it works! We have to focus...and we have to focus on our breathing!
So....breathe in through your nose with your mouth closed for as many seconds as you can stand. Use the second hand on your phone or watch to count. Then you can either pause...and hold your breath for as many seconds as you can stand...before you exhale out through your mouth (with your mouth open however much you are comfortable with). Try to make sure your exhalations are for a longer amount of time (seconds) than your inhalations. If you don't want to pause between breaths...then breathe in through your nose for a count of 4 seconds...and out through your mouth for a count of 6 seconds. That's the goal. If you can do this for 3-5 minutes when "upset", I guarantee you will be LESS anxious and no longer panicked afterwards.
Look up "square breathing" if you prefer pausing between inhales and exhales. Some people also like to be more "physical" as they breathe better. One such method borrowed from yoga is to stand up, place your hands over your heart and begin to inhale through your nose. As you are continuing to breath in, move your hands from your heart to your forehead, and then reaching up to the sky as you say to yourself, "Heart to God, Mind to God, My Life to God" in time with your hand movements. By the time you are done inhaling and your hands are reaching for the sky, you can then beging to exhale through your mouth as you slowly stretch your arms and hands like a circle going back down to your sides. When your hands reach your sides, you should have completed your cycle of breath. Do this six or fewer times per minute for 3-5 minutes.
Yes, breathing better works to treat chronic and intense anxiety. It always has. If you need other options to consider before you start practicing...they are plastered all over the net. Just do it. Until you make this a good "new" habit of yours, you will continue to extend your personal suffering. Just a reminder...
Next post, more treatment methods that are proven to reduce anxiety...