So...how DO we deal with the unwanted and unexpected drama that pops up and is part and parcel of the whole world of social media, gaming platforms, online "support" groups, and the like? Today's post offers some tips for the travel-weary onliner before anyone bolts and shuts down their online presence forever!
1. Even if you believe you "know" him/her/them in real life...you may not!
Why do you think Facebook's nickname is "Fakebook"? How did "Finsta-gram" come into existence? ("Fake" Instagram for parents' viewing pleasure!) Don't get me started on Only Fans (Porn from my house to yours for my $$$ benefit). Social media is our way to control the narratives we generate, regardless if actual truth enters into any given narrative---or not! When we can pay better attention to what people are posting about and/or consistently "communicating" through their posting lifestyle....we will perhaps get a better idea of just "who" they are portraying themselves to be as it relates to their social media presence and purpose(s). Probably the most tragic example of this is when a parent of mine found out that his daughter was making big $$ on Only Fans because she was streaming sexual content with her female roommate. This because the young woman's older brother was shown the content by one of his friends!
2. Not everyone has a brain that works very well!
Have you ever responded to a post in what you believed was an appropriate and supportive manner, only to be blasted for your response? When this happens, you have to remember that not everyone has a brain that works very well. Instead of turning yourself inside out over "What did I say or do to offend this person so much?!"...you need to L-E-T-I-T-G-O! (Let it go!) For all you know the person who just jumped down your throat may be drunk, or high, or otherwise "impaired" in ways you are completely unaware of. Let us not forget those who are also mentally ill and haven't yet sought professional help or treatment for that. When a person feels free to attack someone anyway, let alone online, there is more to the story than the perpetrator perhaps "having a bad day". All their days may be bad to begin with!
3. Do not set yourself up for drama/abuse and then remain in it once it gets started online!
Unless you were born under a rock and stayed there, there are a WHOLE lot of issues that are repeatedly brought up online in order to give perpetrators of drama and subsequent abuse (and their targets!) a format in which to form traumatic bonds with one another. This is never a good plan. Everyone knows how to start a fight anyway, let alone online. Even if posted one word on my Facebook today: "Trump" -- how would you respond to that? What if, instead, I posted the word "Biden" ? See what I mean? We know what to post in order to get the party started---even when the party will not be a good one!
When someone falsely accuses you or harshly judges you by virtue of posts you originate and/or respond to, it's time to truly check yourself before you wreck yourself---or someone else in that process. I am totally for speaking truth, but there are many times that once you choose to speak it...you do NOT stick around and wait to see what comes back at you. That's what bouncing and blocking are for, after all!
4. If you are a minor (under the age of 18), DO NOT EVER agree to "go to" or "meet up" with someone you only know from your "online" interactions!
This bears worth repeating and is most definitely the most important point of today's blog post. Can I tell you about the time a high schooler I saw in treatment "met" an older student at another school "online"? He groomed her of course, in spite of just being two years older than she. One day, he suggested that he come over to her house while her mother was still at work. He did. He also came with his "cousins" (two other males) to her house. Because she was embarrassed about them just standing there on her front porch, she let them in. I won't tell you the rest, but the worst did happen. Before the sentencing, I did assist her in writing her victim impact letter to address the court. She actually thought to start her letter with "Dear...(Perpetrators of My Abuse)". That's how disconnected she was from the trauma she endured at their hands. DO NOT EVER agree to "go to" or "meet up" with someone you only know from your "online" interactions!
5. Social Media is "not" real life. Get out there and "do" your own real life. If you don't, you may find that your electronics "own" you mind, body, and soul rather than the other way around!
This is a more common phenomenon for Gen Z...who were born with the electronics literally in their own and their family's faces since birth. Look around you today when you are out and about. You see two year olds in shopping carts these days with their mom's cell phone as entertainment! Since Gen Z was most adversely affected by Covid, they have also learned to be and remain isolated from "real" socializing in "real" life. So---we have a lot to work through on their behalf! Real life matters. (A new tagline for their generation!)
Yep, "Real Life Matters!"
Until next post....