The dog walker of former celebrity couple Jason Sudeikis ("Ted Lasso") and Olivia Wilde ("Don't Worry Darling") recently wrote a hilarious essay about her time spent working as the family's dog walker for "Gordon Sudeikis Wilde". In the essay, she stated that the breakup of this celeb couple was not a surprise, given Sudeikis' narcissistic bent as Lord and Master of the Manor. Not that she put it that way exactly, because I'm paraphrasing here. She became visibly upset when she found out that Gordon was being rehomed as part of the couple's split and in spite of the couple's two young children. In a nutshell, this dog walking nanny had no idea that one of the funniest men on our planet allegedly functioned also as the "Great I AM!" within the four walls of his own household. Olivia Wilde, by the way, moved on and over to singer Harry Styles after leaving Sudeikis. Given that Styles is ten years younger than Olivia (she's 38, he's 28) and he's got that "Watermelon Sugar" up his sleeve besides---she seems to have transitioned quite well to her new life leaving Sudeikis in the dust (no pun intended there).
YET---Sudeikis and Wilde created two children together. One is age 6...the other age 8. How are THEY doing I have to wonder? It's quite a shocking transition when one's mommy and daddy and beloved doggie are suddenly split apart from the only life these children have ever known. How does that work? There is nothing to suggest that the Sudeikis/Wilde children are being improperly cared for; however Sudeikis did have Wilde served with custody-related documents while she was on stage speaking about her latest movie project earlier this year. Was that a low blow? Perhaps...but perhaps not. What if, in fact, Ms. Wilde suffers from the same form of "Great I AM"-ness as her former boyfriend? After all, there is that saying about water always finding its own level.
Today's post isn't about this trio; it's about any and all children caught in the cross-hairs of the adult drama that surrounds them. What about your kid(s)? What about your sister's kid(s)? Your brother's kid(s)? Your bff's kid(s)? In today's world, there are an ungodly number of minor children who keep falling through those cracks of reality that the adults around them continue to ignore and/or minimize. I've seen it countless times in my life and career. Adults who are "too busy" "too stressed out" "too wasted" "too self-involved" etc. etc. to pay any close attention to what their own kid(s)' lives are actually like. This is and remains the saddest commentary ever on how easy it is for us to forget about our child(ren) and the work of preparing them for adulthood in ways that do NOT include those heavy doses of neglect, trauma, drama, and confusion!
When I see what is termed "at risk" youth...there is generally a common theme that pops up within the first 2-3 sessions. What is that theme? The theme is wrapped up in statements like these: "They don't know me...they don't want to know me...they don't care about me...they don't try to understand me. He wants me to be something I have NO interest in! She treats me like I'm invisible unless I'm doing something she wants from me."
Well, if you are too busy as a parent to find out exactly "who" your child(ren) is/are, rather than focusing on what you expect him/her/them to become for your own sake...NO WONDER kids grow up to be anything BUT what you personally hoped for as their parent(s)!
I remember a young girl many years ago whose father was hell-bent on making a basketball star out of her. This kid was in 5th grade at the time. She didn't want to "do" basketball and told both him and her mother she wasn't interested. Her mother heard her; her father did not. In fact, he attached some pretty underhanded punishments to the mix if his daughter wasn't out there "practicing" in the driveway when he came home from work each day. This couple ended up divorced by the time this young girl was in high school. I ran into the mom years later after the divorce. The first thing I asked her was "Is she into basketball at all these days?" Mom laughed. She said, "She hates all sports!" Was I surprised? Heck no I was NOT!
Our kids are not objects. We forget that. When we are narcissistic enough, we actually believe our kids to be an extension of our "best" selves besides. Have you ever seen the British classic "Hobson's Choice" on Tubi yet? If not, you need to watch it this weekend! It is probably the BEST film depicting a narcissistic and delusional father trying to control the lives and choices of his three unmarried daughters. Hobson is played by the infamous British character actor Charles Laughton. Don't get me started on that guy's "real" life. It was truly disgusting, but that's another post for another time.
Let's put it this way, when all one has to spread around in one's own life and relationships are large piles of dung of one's own making....it is going to invariably get on to other people, including the child(ren) we claimed we would "never" hurt in such a way. Good luck with expecting the best from our kids because of our own worst behaviors!
Our kids are gifts from God in case any of us have forgotten that fact. They don't just grow up to be good and productive citizens of the planet because we (as their parents) blew them off, minimized their own difficult experiences navigating life around them, and focused on our own "stuff" more often than we did in encouraging, inspiring, and motivating them in an appropriate manner.
And you wonder why Gen Z is so socially incompetent and isolated, with their heads stuck inside their electronic devices and/or virtual reality/video games/online sims games? This, the generation that goes postal over the use of "words" that instantly brand you every name in the book but your own? Talk about emotional dysregulation! How'd this happen? I don't wonder. Do you?
We have a lot of work to do parents. Don't blow it. You might end up with what you yourself have become and still haven't corrected in your own life. Just saying....
Until next post.